mind vomit

I'm sick of sitting here and wishing that I were paid to come up with jokes.  I'm reading for the ba-jillionth time John Vorhaus's The Comic Toolbox.  There's a chapter in there that says something to the matter that we need to set-up these mini-celebrations in order to succeed.  In other words, the only way to accomplish a screenplay, sketch, or even a joke is to at least get one word down on paper.  It just has to start.  Editing and cleaning it up or making it funnier can all come later.  Right now, it's a matter of doing instead of waiting, wishing, or thinking.  

My problem isn't this.  I do this all the time in the form of freewrite, blogging, emailing to myself, and yes, chipping away at my screenwriting and sketch comedy.  What my problem is, is time!  I feel like I never have time and when I do have time, there's always something else that is priority.  Like family obligations, girlfriend obligations, or "inspiration" obligations (these are things that I should do in order to get inspired to write, i.e. go to the movies, watch a play, or act crazy around friends).  With my dayjob, time to eat, time to sleep, and just time to be in silence for at least a half hour in order to keep my sanity - I have no time to fine tune what I've written.  

And now that I'm writing this, I realize that really this is my complaining about not finishing something.  Instead of starting something new, how come I'm not going back to the same thing?  How come I'm not chipping away at the screenplay or sketch comedy till it's done?  My other problem is that I'm an idea freak of nature.  I sit and observe, then something happens when I start churning these thoughts into an idea.  The idea isn't fully developed, but it's a step in the right direction.  It has good premise, good promise, and good intentions in being something great.  

Yet again - as I'm writing this, I'm realizing...why the hell aren't you finishing that thought up?!  OR even further more - the time you took to write this, why didn't you just go back to something you've already written and made it better??  

You know what - I'm just insane and need my mind to vomit out this jargon before I get my shiet straight.  Is it nap time yet?

leaving 2 hours earlier

what is with the last two hours of work that kills me?!  especially on Friday, especially when it's nice outside, especially when i just want to leave so badly!  let's play with this, shall we?  let's say i did leave early - what would i do?  probably take the train home, text my girlfriend and rub in the fact that i've left early, then when i get to my train station begin to walk home.  i'd probably stop at the grocery store to pick up something that we could eat for dinner and probably a bottle of vino.  on the way home, i'd probably get harassed by a bunch of kids who are now out of school and have nothing better to do than to loiter waiting for good working pedestrians to be loud around.  i'd get annoyed in trying to ignore them and finally get inside the house.  by the weather today, it's probably really humid inside the house and i'd open up the window for some fresh air.  we have new neighbors that are right across from our kitchen window.  i don't think they work, so they'd probably be loud and make it uncomfortable for me to just relax and watch t.v.  i'd go into our computer room, after pouring a glass of wine, and start doing my usual facebook and email shinanigans.  however, since my "second" job is media oriented, i'd probably start getting into doing a little bit of work by updating websites and trying to write.  most likely, i'll re-read what i've written, hate the way it sounds, hit delete or not save it.  then 10 minutes later after surfing on the web, will finally think of a new way to make that thing i've written sound better to only realize that i'd have to start all over again.  in pissy mood now, i think this would finally fill the extra 2 hours that i would have partaken if i were to leave right now.  i guess lounging around work and writing on my blog is sufficient enough instead.  i guess....