wow - i haven't written in here since forever and a day. "so, what's new?" he says. well - the grass ain't green and the leaves are falling, so winter is coming. Chicago is cold and when i say cold, I mean testicles arise! it's true and guys shouldn't be ashamed to share this fact.

i had a private screening of my documentary film last week and i'm still sorta clouded in the head about it. it was good and bad at once. good - in the sense that i got to see a flick i made on the big screen. bad - in the sense that 1. weather was quite crap-alicious so people bailed from their RSVP 2. i could hear in mind what people were thinking when i was watching it (didn't feel right) and 3. i wished i had refined my art project a little bit more.

so - yes, i'm back to the drawing board, but not on clean canvass, rather placement of what was already laid out. just gotta make what i got better. another draft if you will (and if the term is used for beer, i'll have two).

i feel like i can never get used to critique. for me - it always depends on who it's coming from and what the subject matter is. i've always been a writer and ever since being placed in reading level B in 5th grade, i've felt below the standard of excellence. so i've always tried to excel to touch the sky, yet no matter how many times i've had to face peer to peer review, it always depended on who it was coming from and what it was about. i'm not gonna take cooking advice from someone who's never touched a skillet before. and not to say, i'm not gonna take viewer advice from someone who's never made a movie before - but if you're gonna give me feedback, back it up with something concrete within the film. nothing like 'man, this part sucked' or 'i thought this was boring' - without leaving the film aesthetic of why it sucked or why it was boring. i can fix your problem, just gimmie a good reason to.

next - wow - i never thought i'd fall into a situation where i'd find that friends have become more high maintenance as i've gotten older. i'm probably becoming guilty of this myself by concentrating on my film and not being able to hang out as much as i use to. but geez - i go make a film and ask people to come out, then i don't get any love back. ouch...i'm sorry. i didn't know i had to call or email you every week to make sure you were okay. i figure once every two weeks is sorta standard and even upscale as far as 'guy' standards are concerned. and if this doesn't fly, then let it be....i can't take back thoughts that have accumulated by one's self.

i'm tired - i've said this during periods in my life when i've become mentally exhausted. now if people know me well enough, i usually do try my best to flip that frown upside down and show some ass crack for the sake of giggle giggle, tickle, tickle. but with this film taking hold of me, high maintenance friends exhiling me from their lives, and darker days before my eyes....well, i'm tired. maybe out of minute depression, lack of exercise, or maybe not accepting the turn of tides.

changes are happening, my friends. i'm becoming too old to accept, yet i'm the one adding to the phenomenon. people have passed me by and i can't do anything about it.

sidenote - google 'kevin smith's blog.' yeah - the dude who did clerks. his shiet is high-larious! later.

When I grow up....

I'm in no position to give advice to college kids. I'm not the one that
was determined to come out with a particular degree when I entered my
collegiate career. Instead, I floated into a unforeseen world that opened
up opportunities that I didn't know existed. Yes - I am guilty of falling
into the "asian" path of starting out as a Biology major, but as time
passed and the liberal sense of looking into different areas of education
opened in front of me, I had to see what I loved. I wanted to find myself
in these different books and different classes and different professors.
The search for a voice that was similar to mine was found in film classes.
There was a deeper love found in writers and how they conveyed their
stories. Writing had always been there as my escape from whatever
commotion life brought me and it never talked back. It never told me how I
f*cked up on something. Instead - it was a tool of self realization. It
was my doppelganger telling me the evils of what I was doing. It was my
mother or father holding my hand and telling me everything was alright. It
was my work telling me how stressed out I was and how much crap I take from
my bosses. So when I went to college, I found out that all that writing,
all those journal entries, all those voices in my beat up notebook next to
my bed - they were all in a classroom. Someone else out there felt the
same way as me a long time ago. Someone with stronger words felt the same
way I did. And now I can learn about them. It was amazing. And even
better - since I was a movie junkie - there was a connection. There was a
meaning behind what I loved. It wasn't a daydream anymore. This love
could become a reality of mine and this is what I found in college. So for
all you math, science majors that can only comprehend what is right or
wrong through theory or law - please don't forget to look beyond the
calculations. There's more meaning behind what I'm writing. There's more
meaning behind those numbers you enter into your Texas Instrument. Our
worlds are the same - it's a matter of finding it. But here I am with my
degree and waiting for my calling. And like I said - I'm in no position to
give advice to college kids....

the decks

you know what seems to be a big project for guys in the 'burbs? working on
their deck. i don't know if its a city requirements to have decks or maybe
a crazy house fashion fad during the 90's, but whenever I hear the elder
gents talk about their plans for the weekend, they always seem to say, "I
gotta work on my deck." What 'work' means in this context can measure
anywhere from re-staining it to decorating it with those lovely fake
plants. And as I'm not a deck owner myself, I tend to wonder why it must
be done so often during the summer season and why it's such an on going
task? How big can your deck be? ("that's what she said...." - bidum
ching) But really - I'm pointing this out to be a suburban man's default
answer to "what's going on this weekend?"

For a city man like myself, I like to say things like, "Well, I'm going to
the strip club again to eat that free pizza because you can't find cheese
like that anywhere else" or "I'm going to the bar with some friends and
stand around watching sports with the music too loud for me to hold any
sort of conversation" or my personal favorite "buying crack and getting my
money from my tricks." JOKES, people - JOKES!

On another note, a new upcoming season of Rutgers football is around the
corner. Keep your eyes on the sports tube, cause I have a feeling you'll
be watching them in a BCS bowl game. Why does this matter to you? Because
more viewer support/fan base means more alumni donations which means more
funding for school which in turns teaches those college rascals better and
thus creates better workers in the world we live in. SO - support Rutgers
man....it's the truth. And if you're thinking, well, what about the other
schools?? NO - RUTGERS I SAID....dang, don't you listen?!

to that dude

this post is a dedication to all my homeboys that still bring a sense of
chivlry into this world. this is for that guy that gives up a seat on the
train when he sees an old lady come on board and there are no seats
available. this is for the nice guys that digest things for what they are
instead of expect things to meet their standard of need. this is for the
man that is "man" enough to know that he has feeling and says 'i love you'
to his lady - but not for the sap that uses it out of lust or uses it to
cover up his tracks for wrong doing. this is for the homeboy that sits up
straight, does his work, and knows to talk when talked to - instead of
always 'trying' in order to look good. this is for the dude that knows not
to give a flying f*ck about what other people think and does what he wants
to because he wants to - which in turn, makes him knowledgable to look out
for his peeps. in other words - he knows what he wants to do and still has
the social etiquette & accommodating manner to not be selfish. AND this is
for the guy who's just trying to do his own thing without needing to worry
about 'feeling bad.'

let's keep it real y'all! stop playing each other for fools and chill the
f*ck out. look up a funny joke and tell it to someone you don't know.

end.

busy bee

i moved up on the eating chain @ work which makes me completely tooooooo
busy to write on here. i apologize to any that read my blog looking for
insight on how i think the world evolves, but really doesn't......

i recommend viewing old posts as i was probably more creative then...

Fake talk

How do people do it??? There are people at work that are in the position
of dealing with clients and other upper level officers that just know how
to put on that commercial smile and say the "right" words. But how? How
can you come into work (unless you enjoy/love your job, then icksnay this
complaint) and always seem to be peppy?

See - I don't characterize myself as the 'average joe' because I'm a little
insane in the head. I'm not mental, rather an "outside of the box" thinker
that says quirky shiet on a speed scale of 3.2 seconds during responses.
However, I will say that upon my observation of the human mind, I have
accumulated the mood and situation at hand to accommodate to the masses.
Thereby I've been able to massage my werds into an appropriate manner where
it can still be funny, yet suitable for who's in the room. HOWEVER - I
can't do the peppy, work jive. I've been trying to work on it with the
cliche work conversations. These topics include: weather, sports (mainly
local teams and works better for older males), current events/news, and any
funny anecdotes that can be incorporated into the work. BLA BLA BLA!!
Yuck - not a fan of the cliche work conversations as it doesn't make the
world turn nor does it make movements into my psyche. Yet it does improve
relations in the work force and it does show that I'm not always sleeping
on the job (....haha - fooled them again!).

Back to the main question at hand - how do people plaster on that smile
everytime someone comes to greet them at work? Like EVERY TIME! Even when
they're getting work! Now unless someone who usually gives me work flips
the script and says, "Hey - no filing today, but here's a jillion dollars I
feel like giving you" than I'll just keep to my usual - "Hey, how's it
going?" Otherwise, I'm working on this aspect of my job.....

Holy geez - you would've thought I had this down by now. I graduated from
college over 6 years ago now.....

4th of July

AH - it's picnic time again and time to rejoice in this Hacksaw Jim Duggan
patriotic event. Let's see - the 4th of July is our time to celebrate the
Independence of our country. But really - are we that independent?? Have
we really escaped the shackles of a legal system that places taxation on
our well being??

Back then, we signed the Declaration of Independence to stand tall against
the power that is Great Britain. They were all over us - putting taxes on
everything we do and everything we buy. Now - how about our gas or how
about our public transportation or how about our electricity? It isn't
called tax within these terms & conditions that are in fine print at the
bottom of websites or bills when we sign up for it. Rather, it's part of
the whole kit & caboodle as service or fees or surcharge.
Am I just an angry American looking for the next free thing or trying to
get the big discount instead of paying my just fair dues accordingly?? I
don't think so! I'm just a person that doesn't want to pay $40 dollars for
a full tank of gas for a small Maxima.

And don't get me started on a war that's taken up billions and billions of
dollars. Errrr!

It's sad that our world runs on money, yet its so necessary to survive. SO
- come your Independence Day celebration - less not forget what we're
really free of - the Backstreet Boys.

The end.

jokes, and jokes, and jokes

OKAY - so i get the whole "i'm just talking to myself" at work thing. BUT
"COME ON" (the infamous werds of this blog) don't overuse it to sound like
you're this super busy person! it also sounds irritable - like you're
speaking under your breath about something instead of complaining outloud
like a person with confidence. i like the people that tell jokes to
themselves instead and laugh or smirk out of nowhere. that's more fun.
rather hear more of that in the stuffy cublicles than people speaking under
their breaths....

next observation: alright, so I'm a guy and we do have "guy talk" in which
we let loose with our werds and say excessive language that is not
acceptable to the female party. BUT i have been in the mix of different
ladies that there are some that use language equally if not worse than us
lads do. its pretty simple to talk with a filthy mouth saying if a "chick"
is hot and what you would do to her. (eww...i know, i know....) however -
what the heck is "girl talk"?? i can't imagine it being the same. girls
talking about guys and what they would do to them. that doesn't sound
right. in my mind, girl talk varies from smack talk about another girl
(because from my own observations, ladies are quite chatty and many of you
have admitted guilt to this) to overloading with the mushy talk of love.
the stuff in the middle are areas that metrosexual boys and super
sensitive, artsy nerds can still relate to.

i think i'm gonna start telling one joke a day to make people smile a
little bit more at work. how's that for affirmation?!?!

what's my grade?

I read this article today and thought it was funny. Thought I'd share as
it shows what lengths kids go to these days to not take a grade over again.
Remarks to follow:

BERLIN (Reuters) - A 16-year-old Berlin student was so worried he would
have to repeat a year at school because of poor marks he convinced two
friends to storm his class and steal the report cards with his bad grades.

"The student probably honestly believed that he could avoid repeating the
school year if he made the report cards disappear," said a spokesman for
local police Monday.

The youth sat quietly at the back of the classroom as the two masked
robbers, aged 14 and 15, burst in and threatened his teacher with a steel
bar if she did not hand over the reports.

After grabbing them, the two tried to flee but dropped the reports as other
students leapt to defend the teacher. The two were arrested close to the
school, and told police their friend had devised the raid because he was
afraid of flunking a year.

Police would not reveal what incentives the youth had offered the pair to
carry out the robbery, adding the youths faced legal consequences once
investigations were over.

REMARKS: can you imagine how this plan was conceived?

flunking kid: "No really - this isn't a joke. So you should come in and
steal the report cards."

friend #1: "have you gone mad? how much did you say you'll pay us for
this??"

friend #2: "and you'll still give us access to watch your extremely hot
sister take showers??"

this has to have happened, but seriously - how dumb can you be to think
that this could work with a "steel bar"??? a steel bar?? in a classroom
with probably 30 students. 30 STUDENTS! you gotta watch your set-ups with
this ploy, my friends.

Is it wasting time or moving forward?

So you complete college, get your entry level position, stick with it for
about 5 years (this includes the annual raises, promotions, and weekly
"monday blues"), gain some recognition within the company, and then
suddenly feel like you don't want to do it anymore. Not that it's a sudden
thing, but more possibly like a "I wasn't 100% sure" thing. This
especially happens when you submit to accepting any job straight outta
college to gain experience, but experience kept you in somewhat of a
comfort zone for too long. Things mask your initial goal to get the dream
job that you want (a.k.a. Huge Hefner's pesonal assistant, steven
spielburg's set aid/screenplay advisor, or Carmen Electra's lotion
latherer, etc., etc.) such as good benefits, a good retirement plan, and a
slew of paid vacation days. HOWEVER - you weren't 100% sure you wanted to
get into the thick of this job because a.) you had other personal goals in
mind 2.) you'd rather make more bank doing what you like in life and z.)
monotony kills. SO when you think you're gaining experience and moving
forward, you might actually be wasting time. Like digging a hole deeper as
you commit to what you really didn't intend on sticking with for so long.
The saying "...to get my feet wet" has turned into "I've drowned and am now
swimming with the fishes."

We all have aspirations and dreams for when we get outta college and it's
sad that I haven't met too many people that can actually say they love what
they do (...I've met a few, but to my own discretion have made me feel like
this is all they do with their lives, which scares me for not having a
different form of outlet ....this is a whole different story/thought all
together). And yes - I am quite aware that there isn't a perfect job or
circumstances (money, family, etc.) weigh in on why people do what they
need to do. Maybe I'm just an optomist or a 'good times avenger' but I
sometimes feel like it's a waste of time if your heart isn't entirely set
in what you do as a profession.

However - this has it's advantages as you can be more fearless to do more
"out of the box" projects. Yet again - another story all together.

Therefore - are you just wasting time or are you really moving forward??

My downfall will be.....

....not swallowing corporate/business office humor and having people assume
that I don't have a sense of humor. (Even though I'm proactive with the
jokes and even graduated from the funny school of Second City -
http://www.secondcity.com ).

....not realizing the goodness that's right in front of my face and trying
to look beyond it for something better, when in fact the best was right
under my nose.

....not taking more risks.

....being overwhelmingly funny and laughing at life situations where drama
is what's needed to be played out and focused on instead.

....money, women, and being a "guy."

....age catching up.

....daydreaming instead of doing.

....getting TOO comfortable and just "dealing with it" instead of saying
what I really feel.

....utilizing "complete the sentence" formats too much instead of writing
out more full, vivacious story/essay structured work to exercise my writing
ability.

exercising makes a difference

it really does make a difference when you get some exercising in your
routine. last night i went to the gym but haven't been there for about 2
weeks. surprisingly, i busted out 4 1/2 miles on the track. it felt
pretty good and i had a good stride going. i haven't run that long since
the Shamrock Shuffle (LaSalle Bank's infamous 8k run). there is definitely
this adrenaline kick rushing through your body after you get worked up like
that. i was eating my dinner standing up cause i was still moving around
afterwards - couldn't stop moving. then sleep - oh man - sleeping was
fan-tab-ulous! I was out cold and woke up refreshed. and today - i'm
still hoping around more so than I was in the beginning of the week
(besides my 5 cups of joe and 2 apples - j/k.....about the apples).

ANYHOO - my eye exercise has been "The Alchemist" by Paulo Cuelho. My
friend recommended it to me, but as I'm reading it I see how spiritual it
is. Not that I have anything against that genre of writing - also being
that I had to buy it from the metaphysical section of Borders. However, I
do seem to question the motives of the people that recommend these books to
others on the fact that they like it so much. Was it in general the fact
that this character overcame such a burden and used his wits and shear
repertoir of goodness to overcome it? OR was it a coincidence that you
(the reader) were going through life troubles and found this book to be
relatable in a metaphoric sense, making it the answer to your problems?
motivational if you will.....

Sometimes I have trouble listening to people's perceptions of books or
movies because I take into consideration what kind of person they are. I
know - its sorta elitist - but doesn't it make sense? you could be in the
worse situation w/work and then you go watch this movie about how a dude
overcomes his problems with his boss while getting the girl in the end
(alla Secret of my Success) AND thus makes it an awesome movie. But you
tell your friend Joe about it and he works in the construction biz and is
like, "What's so good about it?" He couldn't relate, but you gave that
recommendation to him w/out thinking....

Get my gist??

However, I digress because I'm not that sorta guy to be like "I'm not gonna
listen to your opinion cause I'm SO much better than you." Then again - I
am writing this blog post, now aren't I???
hhhhhhmmmmmmm.........

scent of a man

You know why there was never a movie called "Scent of a Man" in retort to
'Scent of a Woman'? Because the character of Al Pacino's would definitely
be yelling out a "WOO HA!" everytime a man with B.O. passed by.

I'm sorry, but come on guys - let's be real - when we get rancid, we can
surely GET RANCID! It's true - I'm guilty of it, my dad's guilty of it, my
fraternity brothers are definitely guilty of it, even baby cousins are
guilty of it. Let's analyze this, shall we:

Ever since we were little tykes playing with our monster Tonka trucks and
kung fu gripping G.I. Joe (or G.I. John for the cheaper kids), we'd
straight up poop in our pants. How convenient it was! But right then and
there, we stunk up that room boy! And thus it began - the scent of a man.

Then around puberty time, before we found out about body deodorant, we'd
play kickball during gym period. 20 minutes later in Science class, a cute
girl sitting next to you on those 2 person tabled filled classrooms, would
turn her subtle grin into a distasteful cringe. Not a pleasant moment and
you would know that it was your armpits drawing up those green squiggly
lines around your body.

SO then we get to your adult years when you figure you have the B.O. thing
down to a tee and you're pretty much in control with your cleanliness. You
shower, shave, pamper yourself with lotions, deodorants, and sometimes
cologne ("cause anything else would be uncivilized"). However, sometimes
there are those days when you eat at a restaurant that cook right in front
of you and cheese is a prime ingredient. The food scent sticks to you like
glue. There's your source of B.O.

OR sometimes you don't feel too well cause you went out drinkin with the
boys at the local tavern where everybody knows your name and yes, we've all
suffered from the next day "beer farts." Sorry to be crass, but it's an
epidemic that can't be excused. There's your source of B.O.

OR sometimes you get that athletic itch and go play basketball with the
guys at the park first thing in the morning w/out showering or putting on
some deodorant. After a couple of games, heat coming into play, and pores
opening up - you're in your puberty period all over again. Armpits drawing
squiggly lines. There's your source of B.O.

Thus my friends, as men, let's be careful of when we make an under the
breath remark like, "Oh gawd - it reeks in here" because you could be just
as much of a hypocrite when you start stinking up the corporate bathroom
after gallons of Guiness from last night.

The end.

hey, sun-times guy!

last week, i miraculously made the front of the chicago sun-times on
friday. the article was about a possible hike in train fair and yup, there
i was getting on the train. nothing big. no one interviewed me nor was i
protesting or anything. i was simply getting on the train like i do every
weekday after work. the reason i bring this up is how i became some sort
of celebrity at work that whole morning. everyone was like "awesome! look
at you!" "can i get your autograph?" "is that robert redford next to
you?" (yeah - bob redford was on the front page too about some earth stuff
in chicago.) and then everyone was telling me to get a bunch of copies and
telling me congrats on making a nationally known paper.

and now i shall input my blog's infamous line - "GIMMIE A BREAK!"

first off - i didn't DO anything. i was just taking the train and some
dude took a pic of me that just happen to make the front page. in
retrospect, if you interpreted the article with me as a rider, i should be
portrayed as someone that's upset about paying more money to ride a train
that smells like urine on summer days or delays for 10 minutes before the
last stop cause of train congestion. and stop giving me praise about
nothing. big deal - someone at the newspaper said, "this kid looks like he
gives a damn about riding the chicago transit. let's put him on the
cover!"

and now i other infamous line - "DON'T GET ME WRONG" but i don't mind being
on the cover. it is a pretty cool thing and i'm not putting it down for
what it's worth.

my static has to deal that it's not worth as much as everyone makes it out
to be. i'd rather have been on the cover for my documentary or my awesome
writing, but instead on on the cover cause i'm a train rider. i'd probably
like it more so if i were quoted on how the hike bites the big one.

now i know what 15 minutes of fame feels like - literally. this is NOT the
climax of my celebrity status but i guess all that hype made it feel like
something like that would never come again. i beg to differ as i will push
to get my face on that cover again for something that i've done for mother
earth, whether it be film, writing, or being more outspoken. ask me about
this again in 10 years...

a current affair!

time is ticking and it feels like it's going really, REALLY slow! don't
you hate the friday before a long weekend? you're stuck at work or school
and when it gets closer and closer to the end of the day, it feels like
time goes slower. yeah, yeah - i know - don't look at the clock or keep
busy cause then you won't notice time fly. but i always feel like i need
to know what time it is because it makes me know what's going on at what
part of the day. in other words - if my boss comes to me and asks me when
i sent that letter or important document out, i can say around 2 o'clock.
it's more acceptable then saying - 'i dunno - like earlier in the day.'

it goes the same with people that read up on the newspaper or keep up with
current affairs. it makes them sound smart when they talk about it. it's
true. i did a personal experiment. i'm a pretty savvy kid and have the
brains to keep up a conversation. SO - one week, i decided to watch the
news every night and talk about it at work or with friends by the end of
the week. the following week, i didn't watch shiet and people would ask me
about things and i could only say, "really? i didn't catch that." or "i
heard about that" but not really. and the rest of my conversations sounded
more like human behavioral complaints or random, funny incidents that
happened through the week. didn't sound as smart as the news, but none the
less - something to carry the conversation.

so today's lesson is to always know the time and news so you sound smart.

what time is it now?

leave me be

i think there's some kind of invisible "f*ck you" sign on me that i can't
see. for some reason, people @ work have been kind of stand-off'ish.
like, "don't talk to me" or "i'm not saying hello to you, b*tch" or "you're
a waste of my time" (haha - circa previous post). but really - i've been
really cheery and nice today cause it's beautiful outside and i'd rather
like to become more upbeat at work. i've somehow pigeonholed myself in the
past to be this d*ck at work that is seen as a 'debbie downer' cause work
sucks. WELL - lately i've wanted to change that cause 1. it takes more
energy to be a downer than it does to be upbeat and if you're always a
downer, no one would want to be around you. i'm a social butterfly outside
of work - why hide that? 2. less stress. when you're always grumpy or
down in the dumps, you're always feeling blue and that there's a cloud over
you. i hate that feeling. i felt like that everyday of my life when i was
in middle school. i should be happier now a days - girlfriend, i'm
thinner, i'm making a movie, and my dayjob isn't crazy difficult.

SO - i'm trying to be more upbeat at work and trying to make my "happiness"
contagious. however - today doesn't seem to be so swell. no one wants to
smile back at me or are irritable or just don't feel like talking. HOWEVER
- what's throwing me off more so is that they're more upbeat to other
people. so this is why i'm wondering if maybe i have this personal f*ck
you sign that i don't know about.

just one of the things i miss about jersey. it was just easier to talk to
people for me there. don't know why - just was.....

wasting time

you know what's a harsh phrase to hear? "waste of time"

Like "That class was a waste of time" or "Talking to him/her was a waste of
time" or "STOP WASTING MY TIME!"

I'm almost positive I've used that phrase in my life, but these days when I
hear it and after knowing what people would rather use "that time" on
instead. NO - it's not a waste of time. Your mind makes it a waste of
time cause you're not taking it in for what it's worth. Am I losing you a
bit? Okay - lemme backtrack a bit...

SO - me personally, I've been contraint w/time - always editing, running,
keeping up with social expectations (weddings, birthdays, etc.), upkeeping
the dayjob, taking care of my lady, and attempting to excel more than
expected in all areas. All these things take time and yet I still try to
schedule new things or put new things on my plate. And yes - I will admit
that I have encountered moments where it was a "waste of my time" because
it was something that I've already done or something I already knew or it
didn't move me forward in the direction I wanted to go. HOWEVER, in a
world where "everything's in the mind," if you take that step outta the box
and look at it from a far from normal point of view (or P.O.V. for you
acronym freaks), then you have to at least muster up a small string of new
knowledge from that experience. Whether it be picking up on a different
human behavior or upkeeping a new relationship (a.k.a. networking) or even
hearing a different voice with a different opinion - it's all relative to
something new. Now unless you're suffereing from a severe case of
consistant deja vu or memory relapse, experiences in life should be like
snow flakes or fingerprints. Everything always depends on how you take it,
but to utter the phrase "waste of time" - well, did you really try to take
that moment for what it was worth??

Okay - let me stop wasting your time....

myspace & movie

i had this random dream a couple of night ago, but the only thing that came
out of it for me was this line that i could definitely use in a screenplay.
this infamous line is:

"OH YEAH! WELL, YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS CAUSE I'M GONNA BE ON AMERICAN
GLADIATORS AND YOU'RE NOT!"

Isn't that awesome?? continuing on....

i feel like it's new work when you need to set time aside to update your
myspace layout. isn't that sad?? i mean, don't get me wrong, i am guilty
of setting things up on myspace late at night and making it pretty for my
friends to check out. i also try to get the right youtube video to post
up, as well as the right song to play on my profile. the reason why i've
become addicted all over again is because i stopped using it for like 2 or
3 months, then i started using it up again. See - i take these long spurts
between usage which is why i'm probably still active on that. myspace is
also a really good networking tool - no joke. i've used it to actually
meet people to interview for my documentary. isn't that wierd??

i'll be posting up a new documentary teaser on this blog later today.
please check it out and please check out the website. i'm almost done
w/this movie and it's been so frickin grueling w/the editing that i'm
starting not to care about detailed things. ugh - but gotta keep pushing
man! that's what puts people on top over others!!

bills, bills, bills

sometimes i wish there were such thing as a 3 or 4 dollar bill. there are
just those moments where you only have a 5, 10, or 20 and really need that
dollar bill to just buy a cup of coffee or pay toll. wonder why that $2
bill didn't fly? probably the same reason the susan b. anthony $1 coin
didn't fly. Whatever this reason may be - my theory has to do with the
skulls - that underground hardcore fraternity that supposedly runs our
country. i mean - their symbols are all over the $1 bill, right? that's
why the susan b. didn't fly! the $2 bill though, they probably didn't like
the picture on the back. ppffff - who wants to see a bunch of old dudes
signing a contract about our rights as citizens?!?! bla - whatever -
anarchy rules!

continuing on:

this goes out to "Black Bear" - you know who you are! you keep stalking me
on this blog. the question here is - why aren't you emailing me?? I
believe I was the last to send an email out, but you know how those Bears
get around this season. Fillin their lungs up with brain cell killing
smoke to get that rejuvinated feeling that Dave Matthews IS THAT AWESOME!
i suggest you do google searches on the following, Black Bear: Peggy Lee
Kirby, the children of William Morris, Officer Dacres, and the lost
recordings of WRLC's 1110 Mix. Good luck and I expect an email from you
FIRST (cause I don't have an updated email addie).

lastly:

i found my OLD blog of like 4 years ago. it's quite amazing really:

http://kermit-j-frog.livejournal.com

if you read into it, i'm way more crass, way more imaginative, and way more
out there than how I've been on this blog. those were probably the days i
was unemployed and smoked crack - ah....those were the days.....

i just called to say....

you know what's true about life: the saying "Outta sight, outta mind."

When something is not always pressed against someone's memory in visual
sense, it can easily be forgotten. At first, there will be that
transitional phase where memory will be invoked to ponder a question of
one's whereabouts, but after awhile our busy bee mentality takes over to
move forward. we're always moving these days and the people that don't
keep up with us - well, they can just catch up at the next holiday
gathering. isn't that sad? i've always found myself to be the master of
gatherings. if a party was needed to get planned, i wouldn't hesitate to
make calls and write quirky emails. however, i stopped and along with that
- they stopped. and then people moved forward.

i also moved forward, but can't shake off that thinking of gathering
people. however, i stop after i've written up something on email or i
don't hit the dial button when i'm staring at a phone number in my cell
address book. i stop because i become i think, "why should I (me, myself!)
be the one to call? why can't he/she/it call me??" and then i play fight
in my head:

"cause you're better and you're interested in what he/she/it is up to...."

"but if he/she/it were interested in what YOU were doing, why didn't
he/she/it call YOU??? why is he/she/it better than you??"

"stop being selfish and see what happens...you haven't seen/heard of
he/she/it in awhile...."

"if he/she/it doesn't care, then i don't care!"

and then my fight ends and nothing productive comes from it other than i
ended where i started. and what saddens me more is hearing the words, "Man
- I haven't seen you in a LONG time? What have you been up to? Can't you
call sometime??"

Excuse me....what was that?? SO - it was acknowledged that there was an
"outta sight" citing, but the "outta mind" part continued to keep it "outta
mind." maybe it's just easier that way - that's why. why should we care?

AH- but really - why shouldN'T we care?? call someone up and tell'em you
love'em.....

senior-itis

Here's my little rant for today: (I should just rename my blog - Little
Rant 101)

I went to the gym last night and after my run I wanted to do either
crunches or work on my back. When I walked to the crunch benches - they
were all taken, so I moved to the thing to work on your back (it's like a
diagonal gymnastics horse), but alas - they were all taken too! So I
waited for the back thing and stood there for awhile. And NOW MY RANT: a
theme that I'm starting to see is senior citizens or elderly people to take
that status for granted. Now don't get me wrong - I love'em old folks and
dearly enjoy listening to the "old days" of how things use to be better.
Hell - I'm getting there myself and have been telling those type of stories
(it just sounds weird cause it's about the 80's). But lately I've seen
these elderly people KNOW they can't move as quick but aren't considerate
of younger people. In relation to my workout - an elderly lady was using
the back bench and i stood there and let her go at it for about 15 minutes.
you know what i saw - she would do 3 reps - stop - stand around - look
around - and then sit on the bench for like 2 minutes before she did
another 3 and then all that crap all over again! She was on that thing for
30 minutes and probably only did 15 total reps. I think what annoyed me
more was that she knew I was waiting. Thank god another one opened up for
me to use. I was so pissed, I did my 5 sets of 20 in like 5 minutes.

Another occasion - my gf and I were on the bus on the way home and it
wasn't sincerely packed. I know the front of the bus is reserved for
senior citizens and handicapped people, but obviously some people just like
to sit at the front of the bus. We were watching as these two elderly
ladies, who were walking fine, came on board and looked at these 2 younger
girls sitting at the front. "The leader" of this elderly couple of ladies
said to these girls "we're seniors..." In my head, that meant, "i'm old -
get the f*ck outta my seat!" and the way she said it, I wouldn't be
surprised if that's what she meant. Now that's takin the 'senior citizens'
status for granted!

I'm no old person hater, so don't label me as uncaring or unsympathizing.
However, I am an observer of courtesy amongst people and some people just
take their status for granted.

SIDENOTE: my wisdom tooth needs to get pulled....i'm hurting over
here.....

a can of coke

i don't understand the people that need to announce everything they do
before they do it. And to follow - I don't understand the people that
reinforce the notion with supportive words to such a menial task. For
example - "I'm gonna go buy myself a can of coke." Followed by - "Way to
quench that thirst!" Sometimes I think the people that say these things
are saying it to just listen to themselves speak. However - I do digress
because I am guilty of the momentary bathroom break announcements that
overshares what actions will take place in the confines of "the moonhouse."
But I've been better at this since I've turned 21 (7 years ago).

Maybe I'm just bitter at the people that feel that this type of dialogue is
necessary for a more open environment. It sets ease and comfort to
everyone around so that no one is suddenly surprised that this person
appears out of nowhere with a coke. "HEY! Where'd you get that coke and
why didn't you say anything?!"

"i just broke up & i don't know if i should share or not"

i never know what to say to another dude when he's just in passing, but he
drops a quick overshare of his relationship status. Like I just went to
buy a bottle of water and a guy from work who's on "work aquaintance" level
had to say, "Well, I'm single now. So that's okay." After all I said was,
"Hey - how's it going?"

Now w/insight like that, he's sorta opening up to me but in another way,
he's also releasing some feeling. Sorta like the balloon metaphor for when
guys hold in feelings for too long. He can either let out little bits
along the way or he can let it all blow out in one big release. Then he
got into it a little bit more, "But everything's okay, everything's okay."
This can be read as, "if i keep saying this, I'll believe it and yes,
everything will be okay."

I felt for him, so I tried to humor him by relating. I tried to make him
truly feel okay w/relating situations. I said, "Well, I'm still in a
relationship, so you're pretty lucky. We're in the comfort zone, so it's a
bit troubling." However, what I said was a little white lie cause it's not
troubling and my relationship is actually pretty good since I'm completely
random and find comfort uncomfortable. The good thing was that he smirked
and hopefully it made him feel just a pinch better.

SEE - guy's have feelings too!

blogger love

you ever question your motives for getting ticked off? sometimes its just
too much energy to stay angry at something/someone. i've gotten to this
place where people get on my nerves because they do stupid things, but i
shrug my shoulders and say 'whatever.' in the past, i've corrected the
problem or told the person my opinion on the situation. but after awhile,
peoples' old habits of being forgetful or being late or being negative get
played out. sometimes you wish people weren't as sensitive so you could
just say, "can you stop being (insert bad habit)!! you know you have this
problem, so fix it!"

but yet again, we don't live in that fantasy world where people realize
what's wrong with themselves and they try their hardest to defeat it.
instead we live in a majority bad habit world with imperfections that we
need to learn to accept as "that's just bob being bob" or "that's okay -
just humor it." this goes back to a past entry where i b*tch about how
inventors are on missions to make us more lazy. like america being the
most obese country, we've created the internet to look things up instantly.
and instead of talking to people and preaching methods of improvement, we
go on these website to complain on what we hate. those daym bloggers!
haha :P

mental drain

this one time in my life i was all about accommodating to the masses as
much as possible. i was "the planner" - the guy that got people together
to do things like have dinner, go bowling, watch movies, or just hang out.
emails, phone calls, and reminders would go out and i enjoyed it. knowing
that people would be laughing and having a good time was always fun because
i was still part of it. then i was also this "leader" - the one that
ordered the food and dealt with the collection of money at the end of the
meal. the guy that had to do a headcount and make sure reservations didn't
fall through the cracks cause someone was gonna be late. the guy that
bought the movie tickets in advance cause he knew it would get sold out if
everyone waited on it.

and then i became tired.

it became nerve wrecking, stressful, and turned into extra work. then
people started to take you for granted - telling you to plan this or that
event. saying "what are you gonna plan for my birthday?" or "shouldn't you
send out an email about the movie?" it turned into a hassle and lost the
luster of just getting friends together.

so i stopped.

know what happen? no one did anything. no one wanted to take the time and
effort that i once endured to get everyone together. so - people lost
interest. people didn't even stop to see what happen. they just went
about their personal lives and would rather care about their own good being
than to create a plan for everyone to jump into.

and now, as selfish and conceded as it may seem, i wish there were someone
that acted like me. i wish someone would take the time and effort to make
plans for everyone to hang out. i do it every once and awhile, but now,
since it lost the regularity and spontaneity, things need to be planned
like 2 weeks in advance instead of happing in a couple of days. we get
older and friends seem not to care or if you don't put out any effort, they
look over what you've done in the past to compensate for it.

and then i became tired again.....

one liner

i like how diet coke prominantly states that it is NOT a significant source
of vitamin A, vitamin C, calcium, and Iron. "you mean - vitamin C for Coke
doesn't exist?"

my far fetch thought for the day

This was in the news this morning:

BEIJING (Reuters) -- Fearful of soaring Internet addiction and juvenile
crime, China has banned the opening of new Internet cafes this year, state
media reported on Tuesday.

THOUGHTS: Okay - so in making my documentary, obviously a question of
where our society is has occurred to me on multiple occassion throughout
each day that passes. My thoughts are that scientists, inventors,
creators, and contributors to our world are pushing forward toward one
goal: how to become as lazy as possible while still being productive. Now
the thought may seem like an oxymoron (lazy producer or producing laziness)
, but I'm sure you get the gist here. Although we're in this phase of
technological advancement, somewhere down the universal evolution, there
may be a breakdown and we may find ourselves back to the basics. Now you
may be thinking, "But J, how can that be? We're so well and smart and
always becoming better (in terms of technology)." Well here's a thought,
hot shot - not to use global warming as my political support, but as an
example of a global crisis, let's say all our resources deteriorate and our
functionality that thrives off of energy runs down. What we have left here
is nothing but our own will power as man. Are we ready for something like
that? Do you believe that every woman and man has the ability to survive
on his or her own skill and wit?? And yeah, this would be like the reality
show Survivor, but do I really sound like I'm far fetched here? I think
not....

In terms of relating to the article at hand in the beginning of this post,
this could be the route that people need to test their will. It's a matter
of stopping the madness and strengthening the weak. Asia has been the
forefront of technology and has pushed the electronics card further each
day. They notice that there's a problem and now they take measures to try
and accommodate to it. Do you think America can do the same? Can we
Americans have something taken away from us to be a test of where we stand
in terms of strength? Can you take away our fast food, our golden age of
television, and our cars?? Would we be able to be a social, harmonizing
nation under a happy, moralistic belief like the goal of just being free?

I dunno man....I dunno....

just a few things

I don't understand why bosses at work say, "can you do me a favor?" our
implied thought is "do i have a choice?" but our immediate answer is
"uh-huh..." waiting like a dog for a command. in latter months i've become
a little more agitated and annoyed at my job. basically because the
monotony is getting on my nerves and my strive to move forward gets haulted
by lack of "more education" or lack of "more experience." two barriers
that i think are rubbish and should at least circumvent an interview for me
due to the fact that my resume says "pick me" and "other candidates are
fake."

then again - these may be the specific reasons why i'm not getting
interviews. geez - can't anyone appreciate the truth?

martin scorsese has finally made me a happier oscar watcher. not that i'm
not a happy oscar watcher to begin with. i do admit to being an academy
whore, but whatever - we all have to strive for something. mine is trying
to get the most wins on my oscar ballot. anyways - this year's festivities
has been probably the better ones in ages. i was actually not surprised
that ellen degeneras did a kick ass job. truthfully, i think she's funny
and more truthfully - why did seinfeld present best documentary?? bad
choice and his material prior to the award was terrible, recycled jokes
that i've heard him tell before. get back to the comedy clubs, jerry.
work on your art cause you were awesome at one time. don't fall off the
face of the earth and lose your street cred....

what's in a name

i really think that sometimes people say my name to just say my name. my
first name is "jonald" ("like Donald with a 'J'). So i think that people
that i don't talk to on a usual basis at work, like to randomly say my name
outloud because they usually don't say a name like that.

i guess i can be guilty of the same process of randomocity. however, my
delivery is a little different in that i like saying my friends' names the
way that their parents say it. i think it has to do with my intricate
observation of words and accents (writer's complex). thus i tend to mimick
the accent when saying their name or call them by their nickname.
otherwise, i turn the whole process into ghetto lingistics and call the
person by his/her first initial - "Yo E!" - said for someone named Eric,
Ed, or Ebinizer.

Anyhoo - maybe i'm just making an excuse for people just saying hello to me
in a kind manner and disregarding the fact that there are actually nice
people in the world.

hmmmm.....

nah - there's no such thing as that!! haha!

an email to my cousin

i was tellin my co-worker this story of when we were kids and when the
bears made it to the superbowl in '85. chicago was really hyped up on it
and there was such a bigger buzz goin on compared to this year.

there was a big chicago bears layout in the newspaper and my sister was
showing it to me and you. then she said, "which chicago bear are you?" and
then you immediately said, "refrigerator perry!" and she asked what number
he was and you said, "72!" i remember i was upset cause i wanted to be the
fridge and he was the only jersey # i knew. so when my sister asked me who
i wanted to be, i frowned and said, "jim mcmahon" but then when she asked
what # he was, i didn't know. i was upset for not knowing and feeling
kinda dumb.

so, this morning i texted my sister - "I'M URLACHER! #54!"

even though i got it before you, she must think i'm wierd now.

i can never win.....

the latter

some thoughts:

-what wrong w/me liking justin timberlake's music? okay - the gay part of
it is that he was part of n'sync and he's like the national coverboy for
bebop/tiger-beat magazine. however, if you break down the aesthetics of
his last album, he worked with a major hip hop music producer - timbaland.
his work is somewhat parallel to michael jackson of the 70's/early 80's
(off the wall, thriller) which are by far the best albums and i believe is
still the biggest selling album ever. and the shiet is danceable, chill,
and pushes further than his boy band period. all i'm sayin is that -
sometimes you shouldn't have to play into your mind what other people think
about your likes and dislikes. if you like justin, a past american idol
winner, or any reality television show - f*ck it....admit it and let it be
your guilty pleasure, BUT don't rag on somebody for having the taste that
they have. respect opinions man.....

-how much should you play into your decisions based on "feeling bad?"
sometimes it's annoying when people "feel bad" about not doing or doing
something that someone else would find offensive or rude. gimmie a frickin
break! so for the most part - things depend on the situation - and to this
I do consider weighing options and yes, "feeling bad" can play a role.
however, when you come to two ill advisable paths or moments of confusion
where nothing seems to be correct no matter which way you go - well, f*ck
it! just choose what you WANT to do! seriously! if friends are friends,
they should understand your choice and no - you should not have to feel
like you're sneaking behind them with your choice nor should you have to
lie for the sake of looking like a bad guy. again - i do consider weighing
the option of playing to the situation at hand - whereas circumstances
could mean that lying is a safe way to avoid non-needed confrontation or
future awkward moments. but in a magical world where no there is no
polical correctness and being blunt is actually speaking the real truth
instead of beating around an invisible bush - then you should just do what
you want to do in life without having to take into consideration of
"feeling bad."

and yes - that magical world does have a bad side where i'm fat, bald, have
bad skin, and am a bad writer (cause everyone's blunt). but you know what
- if people told me this in a blunt way a long time ago, my problems may be
being vain and acting like an over perfectionist hhmmm.....which ones are
worse traits?

oscars are coming? who do you think is winning?

what we do for electronics!

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A California radio station has fired 10 staff
members after a contest to drink as much water as possible to win a new
Nintendo Wii game console resulted in a woman's death, a company spokesman
said on Wednesday.

Jennifer Strange, 28, a mother of three, died from water intoxication after
taking part in a "Hold your wee for a Wii" competition on a morning radio
show on Sacramento station KDND-FM Friday.

She was one of about 20 contestants who tried to outdrink each other
without going to the toilet and was reported to have drunk about seven
quarts (6-1/2 liters) of water in a bid to win the Wii for her children.
She was the runner-up.

dreamweaver

you know what trips me out sometimes? when you're having a bad day but
still say or write in an email - "have a great day!"

i always thought it was natural instinct to wish badful ventures to someone
when you're having a bad day, so you can at least feel better than someone.
(sarcastic thought)

so in good fashion of a wannabe screenplay writer/filmmaker, i watched the
golden globes last night. anyone else see this? anyone think brad and
angelina had a little spat in the limo before getting unto the red carpet?
angelina looked sorta pissy. maybe she misses that good billy bob lovin
pre-red carpet. brad seems to be more conservative in that fashion.
probably cause billy boy knew he couldn't get anyone that hot again.

i'd like to give big ups to my idol - the filmmakers filmmaker - marty
scorsese. the man's a genius and has yet to get his hands on that baby
oscar. with this golden globe win and in comparison to the frontrunner for
babel....his chances are way higher than the past couple of years. my only
vice is that dirty harry is still playing the strong cards. i'm tellin ya
- if you told me after watching clint eastwood work it with a chimpanzee in
the 80's that he would go on to be this award winning director - i'd ask
you where you got those air jordan's and how much you're sellin your crack
for....cause seriously, in the past couple of years, that man came outta
nowhere.

warren got his hands on the cecil b. award last night. my only comment -
why? no offense - i think the dude's cool and he did have his moments, but
seriously, i think y'all gave it up to him cause he's been outta the game
for a long time and y'all wanted an upright citizen to give the award to.
warren even said in his speech that he hasn't been in that many films and
it really is true. the handful of films that were featured last night
were probably all the ones that he's made. there's probably been 20 films
total in a career span of over 30 years. maybe it is quality over
quantity, but the guy isn't dead...maybe it should've gone to someone else
more deserving during a time period that movie making has been in a low.
even this year's oscar race seems somewhat weaker as past years. but with
this award show becoming history....watch...you'll see the hype by all the
movies. it's like waterworks when the corporation takes control now.

i can venture to say that dreamgirls will pick up some extra viewing this
weekend. this movie will definitely put eddie murphey back on the map that
he lost awhile back. he's been playin it safe with all those kiddie
movies, but nothing has returned to him since coming to america. hopefully
this'll be his ticket to better written roles.

this is all......

in other news....

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Unbowed by public doubts, President George W. Bush
plans to announce on Wednesday that he will send about 20,000 more U.S.
troops to Iraq as part of a long-delayed shift in strategy in the unpopular
war. Bush's plan may represent his last best chance to salvage the U.S.
mission in Iraq and turn around frustration with his handling of the war.
Administration officials said Bush will announce plans to deploy about
20,000 more U.S. troops to join 140,000 already in Iraq -- most to Baghdad
and 4,000 to volatile Anbar province.

AND

Many of Bush's own Republicans expressed unease and a USA Today/Gallup poll
said Americans oppose the idea of increasing troop levels in Iraq by 61
percent to 36 percent.

ME THINKS:

are you kidding me dude?? Here's a common theme from the documentary
aspect of cinema. From all the documentaries that I've watched for the
past year (fahrenheit 9/11, who killed the electric car, when the leeves
broke, enron: the smartest guys in the room, etc., etc.) the common theme
all have to do with how bush is f*ckin up. NOW - whether you're a donkey
or an elephant - you gotta admit that this war thing is going just a bit
too far and we need those kids back here. it's reported that 3,000 lives
have already been sacrificed in that relived vietnam fight. is there even
an answer to this long debate? come on man....think for a little bit about
what's going on here and listen to the people. we're a democracy - aren't
we?

IN OTHER THOUGHTS (non-political):

let's talk about sports. mcgwire doesn't make it into the baseball hall of
fame because of the steroid era?? gimmie a break....it's the past already.
work toward making the future better! don't hinder the people that
might've or might not have f*cked up in the past. let me tell you
something about that specific time in social culture when baseball watchers
and non-baseball watchers were on their toes everytime sammy sosa and mark
mcgwire were at the plate. i would be watching a television show and the
network would do picture-in-picture to show their specific up at the plate.
it was an unreal time. and when either one of them smacked it outta there,
it was unreal! bars would go crazy and jaws would drop on how far that
shiet would go. they picked up baseball to another degree where i've never
seen it. and yes, steroids was at question even at that time....but they
did something for baseball back then and when you think about it, they're
really harming themselves for doing it.

i dunno - maybe i'm just a softy and maybe i thought they did something
great for the culture of baseball, but don't deny the guy from getting into
the baseball hall of fame. didn't you let pete rose in there for
gambling?? this is just my opinion and that's that.....

those were the days

you know what i don't get about regular joe movie watchers? these days,
they're so ready to critique a film - saying whether it's good or bad and
if it's worth their money - instead of trying to understand what the
director or the writer is saying. before films, there was television and
even before that there were these things called books. and wouldn't you
know it - those things called books held stories. words on pages that
people read to try and learn something that someone was saying. AMAZING!
now - people take the cgi graphics and vast technology for granted to only
say what's good or bad without walking away with the barebones of what a
movie is trying to say. hey - even the bad movies have cliche lines and
trite situations that are still trying to tell you what's good and bad in
the world. the more sad part is that if i were to write up a movie about
what i'm saying, it'd be too cliche. a movie about a screenplay writer
trying to figure out what movie goers like and dislike....every first
screenplay writers fallback. too bad none of them were ever that great....

uh....maybe except Adaptation with Nic Cage and written by Charlie Kaufman.
Check it out.

that's my rant for today......(well, at least on here...)

where are y'all??

ugh - i have a lot of anger in me lately. don't know why, just do.

sometimes i can't take "stupid people." now don't get me wrong, i do have
tolerance and patience for people and i must say that it is at a very high
mark to which i can deal with most. however, sometimes you know someone
for so long that you know what they're capable of and what they're not
capable of. what i'm starting to pick up on about some that is starting to
annoy me is how people will use their "innocence" for granted.

initiative people!! a lot of times in life, you just need to grab the bull
by the horns and run with it. take a chance and make some executive
decisions. do NOT always ask questions and seek approval of everyone.
again, don't get me wrong, as there are times where unanimous consent is
needed or feedback is in order so that improvement can help move forward.
BUT our world is mixed up with people that either don't give you any
valuable input OR push your thoughts away while waiting for something
better to come along. that right there is when you move it along yourself.
all you baby!

it gets super-duper annoying when you know someone is capable of making an
executive decision in a situation, but is not firm, has no spine, and a lot
of talk is what it is - a lot of talk!

i guess i'm just looking for some substance around me......