and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make....

why are breakfast foods cheaper than other meals? is swine that much
cheaper than cow? are there really that many more pigs out there than
mother nature's milk industry? interesting really. all i know is that i
love bacon and english muffins rock.

don't you hate it when you're confined within an elevator or car or some
small spaced room where other people are talking and you have no choice but
to hear what they're saying because you're right there? i can stand in the
elevator and hear the most idiotic things between people which only leads
for me to wait for them to get off to their floor and once the door shuts
(with no one else in there but me) i can say, "Shhhhuuuuut Up!!
ugh....lameness maximus idiotisis!" [as you can also see...i like to make
up werds. sometimes i take that writing thing to an n'th degree and use it
to my advantage.]

clothes really do make you feel good about yourself. if you dress nice and
feel good in clothes that you like, you have this better sense of
confidence and for some reason people can pick up on it. with my going
down in waist size and purchasing some good clothes here and there, i must
admit that i get better looks from the ladies. Rule of thumb for you men
out there --> 3 things to invest money in when trying to impress ladies:
shoes, watch, and (not that you can't buy this...) a nice set of teeth.
sticking with the 2 accessory items -- girls check these things out. not
sure why but its survey proven...AND NO, I DIDN'T READ IT FROM MAXIM!
gawd....give FHM a little credit! haha!....j/k.

seriously, for some reason i can't read too much of the maxim and fhm cause
it give me testosterone overload which makes me want to do nothing but eat
meat, watch sports, and drink beer. this doesn't make too much sense cause
the chicks in the magazine probably wouldn't want to hang out with an
obese, non cultured, beer bellied man UNLESS he made a lotta loot and can
afford to get the lyposuction done. sweet jesus...gimmie the number to Al
Roker!

some guy passed by my desk the other day and saw that i was drinking Fiji
Water. you know -- the name brand, Fiji (natural artesian water). just
like ice mountain, dasani, or dannon water. but i was drinking Fiji brand
water. so he asked, "Are you from Fiji?" to which i glared at him and
said in my nice voice, "Are you from Coke?"

i love writing about yous.....

BEFORE I LEAVE...HAPPY NEW YEAR! bring in the 2 thousand 6 with a bang
(but don't forget to get her drunk first). make your resolution something
that isn't physical, mentally far fetched, or a distant goal -- rather,
make it something that you think will improve you as a person and make you
better for yourself. something that isn't impossible but can be worked on
little by little.

how do you measure...measure a year? seasons of luuuuuuuuuv......

please be safe and don't drink and drive!! bad things do happen....

rocky raccoon checked into his room, only to find gideon's bible...

P.S. to my last post....

i don't even drink coffee!!

there are places i remember, all my life, though some have changed....

i'm such a dumbass.

SOOOOoooo.....for lunch today....all i wanted to do was go to my favorite
sub shop, eat, and read. that's all. nothing else...no stress whatsoever.
i walk over and of course - sub shop is packed and there are no tables to
sit. i decided not to walk in and still being a little under the weather,
chose to go to au bon pain for their kick ass soup. AND there are always
cute chicks in there. ANYHOO, i walk over there and i get the "hmmm...this
kid is cute" looks from chicks here and there...but don't even ponder cause
all i want to do is grab my soup, sit, and read my book. i purchase my
goods and walk into the eating area. i see an empty corner table in a not
packed place. hidden behind a wall....i walk pass a cute asian chick who
is sitting next to the empty corner table. we make eye contact here and
there. not bad. BUT i decide to sit, eat, and read. thus, i do so.

HOWEVER, as time proceeds, my testosterone chooses to pump up a level and
makes my mind begin to ponder of things to say to her. i hate pick up
lines. i hate trying to pick up chicks like cold calls....cause i push for
humor that should come naturally but in those situations, surprisingly
don't. i'm more of a friend of a friend meeter. i try to do the cold
meets, but haven't been great thus far. time passes and i need to get back
to work. i choose not to do anything. i get up and walk away, imagining
punches to my face for being a chicken.

i walk into my building, not 1 minute away from au bon pain. some kid is
asking people for donations for his basketball team. he's a good kid --
very proper, good manners, and is workin by himself. after passing him, a
lightbulb lights up. THIS IS WHERE I"M AN IDIOT! i go up to him, "yo
kid....wanna make extra dollars for your basketball team?" of course he
says yes. so i tell him that i'll give him a big donation if he goes into
au bon pain and gives a cute asian chick a note for me. WHY DIDN"T I JUST
TALK TO HER INSTEAD?!?! he agrees to it and i write this quick 3 sentence
note, saying -" hi, i just sat next to you like 5 minutes ago. i couldn't
help but give you this note and if you're interested in getting coffee -
[insert my email address]. "

I CAN"T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY WROTE THIS! i'm an idiot! i should've talked
to her but i'm too frickin chicken. i don't know why i am. we kept lookin
at each other and i'm actually a pretty decent orator. i mean...i know how
to talk to people, but for some reason....i couldn't jump start this
conversation at all! (yet i can go up to random people in the street and
ask them about asian americans in mainstream american culture for a
documentary.......IDIOT!) i'm dumb....but i really hope she emails me so i
can wooooo her with my writing skills.

it was cowardly though and i don't expect it. i just feel wierd about
walking into au bon pain now. time to start making lunches again....

2 more days till a new year??

everybody's tryin to be my baby...everybody's trying to be my, baby NOW!

does it count as a kiss if you're NOT initiating it? per se - if some
chick or dude where to enforce a kiss on you and you weren't suspecting, is
that regarded as a hook-up? SORTA goes along with the whole physical and
psychological connection. can sex be a separate entity from mental
connection? I don't really know. A lot of people have different p.o.v.'s
with this. Sometimes people ask if morals are involved because how can you
possibly have sexual relations with someone without having a mental
connection? But then again, how are there prostitutes in the world and how
are there people that buy the times of these prostitutes?

are we just brainwashed to accept what is wrong and right in the world? is
sex only suppose to be involved with affection and not a physical act of
relaxation? and how is this always different when a male does it - it's
accepted cause guys are dogs, but when a woman does it - she's accepted to
be a whore, slut, or "easy." And continuing on with the whole gender thing
- not all guys just have sex to have sex....we actually have feelings too.
there are men out there who do look for relationships and NO, they're not
all lame, nerdy, or not the right type. and yes, there are guys who do
know how to give women space.

why is there never an equal share of thought? there's always gotta be this
"game" and challenge. some people better be careful with this game -- you
could let someone pass through your life cause you played TOO hard to get.
sometimes...good things are right under your nose and you don't even know
it.

MOVING ALONG....new year's eve. ugh! when in the history of this event
did it become nearly impossible to have a good time without spending over
100 bucks at a nice place with friends and strangers? and how did it
become so overrated with finding someone to kiss at midnight?!?! ugh....i
hate it! it's like unnecessary pressure with one night of your frickin
life. i officially give up and will not take lead on this planning. if
people ask me what i'm doing...i'm just gonna ask back and weigh my own
options. AND if it comes down to staying home, getting drunk, and feeling
sorry for not going out....then let it be. "SHINE ON TILL TOMORROW...LET
IT BE!"

Can't buy me LOVE! LOVE! can't buy me Luuuu-vah....

BAHHHHH! HUMBUGGGG!! Ahhh....so tis the season that has passed and what
have we learned, my greatful class?

This year I have learned that as you get older, presents dwindle down to
almost nothing. i am part of two very big families (my mom's side is
pretty decent and my dad's side is pretty big), however, i really didn't
get anything good this year. did santa have it in for me this year?? i
mean....i'm always pretty good and nice to as many people as i can be (and
as much as i can tolerate). NOT that i'm looking to get presents, but
sometimes you just want things to feel better for ya during this time of
year, especially if you've had bad moments close to it.

i went to my motherland known as the garden state. home of the boss and
bon jovi. home of mafia infested guidos that repeatedly say, "how'ya
doin?" or "fo'git 'bout it." home of the big hair and undying 80's tops
that girls can't seem to get rid of. yes my friends....jersey has its own
flavor and i don't mean the stench that fumes from new york. SO...how was
my trip? it was okay. compared to past new jersey trips...this has ranked
pretty low due to the nature of holiday forces that have held back my
friends from venturing out of their family appointments. completely
understandable. can't blame them. SO...i hung out with my family.

my little cousins aren't so little any more. their innocence has been lost
and has experienced things that i experienced later in age compared to
them. is it smart? maybe not...but hopefully they'll learn of it's "bad
habits" (whatever they may be and whatever your imagination may choose to
think) sooner than later.

QUICK STORY: some girl at au bon pain close to my work has been giving me
the eye lately. she's okay but i think her intelligence has been her
downfall. i wasn't sure of it till the conversational events of today's
lunch time passing. SO...she was working the cash register and i went to
get some awesome au bon pain soup. she loves to make small talk with me
and i humor it cause...well...i humor everything. you just never know if
some awkward/humorous situation can arise and become a part of writing
material. continuing on, after she charges me half a finger for the soup
(the economics of downtown chicago food), she smiles and says, "Are you
chinese?" To which I smirked and said, "Nah....I'm Filipino." This
assumption isn't even the kicker...the best is yet to come. Then she goes,
"Oh. Filipino. You speak very good English." In my head, I couldn't
believe she just said that. So i said what came straight into my head. "I
should hope so. I was born here." Being a smart ass by trade, i actually
held back from saying anything rude because of her infatuation with my
looks....BUT COME ON! WTF?! first you assume that i'm chinese (no
offense) then you tell me i speak good english?!?! Not everyone that's
asian is fresh off the boat! i should've said, "sunk you vedy much. sunk
you vedy much. me go now." AND THUS my first act of asian assumption is
in the history books, while being in the midst of this documentary. how
coincidental, eh?

SO....did you get everything you wanted from Santa? i did...but she
doesn't get out of work until 4 a.m. when she's done counting all the
singles around her waist.

o bla dee, o bla da, life goes on braaaaa!!...dada how the life goes on!!....

WELLLLLL....now tis the week before the holiday known as christmas (which
coincidentally lands the night of the beginning of hanukkah). i'm
literally swamped and i'm being pushed to last minute hoora's to accomodate
to everyone and everything that i possibly can. the sad part is not
knowing if i have sufficient amounts of presents to give to family in new
jersey. i think i'm short, but i actually do NOT know until i get there.
AND then i have to do last minute present buying while i'm there, which
actually is not a problem this visit around.

for the most part, everytime i've gone to visit new jersey, i would be
under so much pressure to see everyone. to make it easier for myself and
others, i would set up a common meeting place like a bar or someone's house
as a place to catch up. cause most of the time, people just want to hear
what you've been up to, how work is, and when you're coming back again. i
do, however, enjoy the one to one conversations i get a chance to be part
of if my time schedule allows it. SO i've always been under this time
management schedule whenever i go visit new jersey. BUT this time around
-- with friends moving to other cities and not being in a central area -- i
actually do NOT have any sort of agenda set up. everyone i've called is
either busy, not in the area during that time, or just doens't live in new
jersey anymore. holidays are rough.

WORK likes to build up because its the last moments before the new year.
so work is hectic.

SHOPPING is practically a b*tch anywhere you go and finding exactley what
someone wants gets difficult if its a popular item.

TIME is so limited cause people want to see you before you go away for
christmas and then things like LAUNDRY pile up.

i still need to frickin pack! jersey countdown is now down to 27 hours.
in 27 hours i will be in o'hare airport, waiting to get on a plane to new
jersey, where i'm still not sure who will be there to pick me up. THEN i
have to stay at my mom's house cause no one else can get time off to hang
out with me and let me crash at their place. THEN i have to go last minute
christmas shopping on FRIDAY cause i have NO MONEY till then. i hate
traveling low on funds, but this season is kicking my ass.

things are pretty rough right now and NEW YEAR'S EVE IS NOT EVEN PLANNED
YET!!! EEEERRRRRRRRR!

for the peoples that read this....i wish you and yours a very safe and fun
holiday season! may it not be chaotic and full of mess and disorganization
that i am currently experiencing.....

p.s. the worse is wrapping presents that people open up an hour later.
makes it feel like you shouldn't have wrapped it at all....but you need to
for this damn surprise effect that people always want during christmas.

cause i'm the taxman....YEAH!! I'M THE TAXMAN!!

in today's high tech era of immediate results and computerized watchers of
society, i truly believe that Santa Clause could be real now. At first,
sure....a legend....a myth....someone you're not sure if he's really around
or not....then you catch your dad eating the cookies you leave out for the
jolly red man and then it's all downhill from there. HOWEVER, in today's
fast paced, ever changing face of technology - Santa (if he's up to date)
can watch every person from the police survey camera's setup outside by
traffic lights and street lamps. He can go on myspace or IM to see if a
person is at home or work. he can check match.com to see if a person is
just looking for a "friend" or an "activities partner" (which really means
a sex machine) and figure out if that person has been naughty or nice. he
can spam a bunch of people and figure out who pays attention to his cry and
who doesn't (to which the good people of yahoo or hotmail would just pop
his email into the junk or bulk mail). BUT TWO CAN PLAY AT THIS GAME -
whereas we can have high tech ninjas in white suits camaflouging with snow
around a hidden cove literally by a candy caned pole that has a sign saying
"North Pole." There we can set up our own festival of lights --
surveillence lights if you will.

(p.s. i apologize for not being a spelling expert. one of my bad habits
as a writer is to know all these words but to not really know how to spell
them or at times, not even use them correctly. through tone and quick
expression, werds really do have the ability to make you sound smart when
you know where to place them.)

Randumbly - you ever see the movie Scrooged with Bill Murray? Great
frickin Christmas movie (next to Christmas Story and Its a Wonderful Life).
Anyhoo...there's a scene when they're running christmas promos for the boss
and there's this commercial for Lee Majors to invade the north pole and
have a shoot out with Santa. WELL -- this is where i was going. imagine
if it really were a big fight with the man in red. i'm tellin ya....Santa
can f*ck some shiet up like rudolph's nose glowin in the red light
district. Beaming people....BEAMING!

Which reminds me that i have to wrap presents tonight. a very long and
sometimes painful process cause you have to make things look so damn pretty
when you know it'll just be overlooked after the present itself is seen.
"OH MY!! THIS WRAPPING IS FANDANGULOUS [...yup, i made that word up for
the good people of Fandango.com...]!! HOWEVER, I MUST FORGET ABOUT IT AS
I"M ABOUT TO CHOMP THROUGH IT AND FIND OUT IF I WANT TO RETURN THIS GARBAGE
YOU CALL A GIFT!!" geeeeeez...just say it people! you know this is how
you think! it's the thought that counts my ass! you know what is
thoughtful??? when you actually get a present that means something to you.
when you get something where you know the person is actually listening to
what you say or what you do. knowing what you're needs are as a person and
what you enjoy and like in life. THAT RIGHT THERE...that is thoughtful.
if you don't know what to get me and get me something that is far from what
would be used in the right way (per se clothes that don't look good), then
me personally....would rather receive money or gift certificates (or lap
dances or mounds of gold coins for me to swim in or multiple socks that i
can wear on multiple days with multiple shoes that you've also provided,
etc., etc.).

this is my piece and i just wrote it.

i will be here, there, and everywhere....here, there, and everywhere.....

i think it's funny when people readily assume that you were naughty in your
earlier years. people seem to forget at work that we're "AT WORK" and
personal behavior is somewhat different from work behavior. in other
words, i don't go over to my friend and ask him if he wants to smoke a
spliff during lunch (...which now that i think about it, would make for a
more amusing day). but back to the topic - not to say that people were
more vigerous and peppy during their younger years, but i think it's just a
facade that people fall for when they truly believe that they know someone
so well. i've worked around people here for over a couple of years already
and people still get amazed when they hear that i'm a writer or i do all
these crazy things at bars over the weekend. in true poetic fashion, most
writers were party animals at heart - wanting to escape a dismal,
distraught world within their own mind to experience life experiences and
share them through the art of literature (either metaphorically or so
surreal that readers wouldn't think it to be true). OH SHIET....that
might've been a writer's secret that I wasn't suppose to tell....guess i
have to send in my club jacket after this is posted. ANYHOO, ending on
this thought - if people readily assume something about you and you like to
play it to your advantage, be smart and use it in ways that would benefit
your exterior persona. Like i'm asian and so immediately i'm good at math,
so when people look at me to say how much to leave for tip, i just shout
out an answer by saying it while it looks like i'm thinking...."ummm...3
dollars and uh....i think 78 cents should be okay. yeah...it's right."
people always fall for it....

randumbly - it will supposedly snow like a jillion feet today. not really,
but it's my job to make things sound embellished. AGH! now that i think
about it...maybe that's why i'm a drama queen in my own right. cause i'm a
frickin writer! i'm suppose to put things out of proportion to create a
greater conflict in order to highten the interests of a reader or
voyeuristic viewer. and if it's really, truly voyeuristic...can't i just
call my writing "porn." it gives it that more edgy feeling.

i've done nothing but go to the gym, eat somewhat healthy, read my books,
and write randumb things. aren't these all suppose to be good things? why
do i still feel like i'm not being productive in the right manner though?
something is missing and i can't put my finger on it.....

jersey countdown is now 7 days.....

the long and winding road that leads to your door will never disappear....

Like i've said in a previous entry - I am really starting to despise
Sundays. i think there's something with the lord looking down on me and
making me feel guilty for not going to church for all these months or
something. HOWEVER, i really, really did try to make something out of my
day yesterday. i was up early, so i got mcdonalds breakfast which was
super cool. gotta love the mickey d's breakfast. then i got home and
started to do some documentary work. so...i was pretty productive in the
morning....TILL i got to around 10 or 11'ish. i decided to take a shower.
after my shower i watched t.v. for a lil'bit and then got sleepy. then
when i woke up from a 2 minute sleeping fight, i got up and washed myself
awake. i like naps when i can afford it. in other words, if i know i'm
going out late or if i know i can mess up my sleeping schedule, then i'll
nap....otherwise, i try to stay awake most of the day so that i can totally
crash when i hit the bed. BUT, this hasn't happened for about a year.

tangently -- i'm a pretty restless person. i'm too much of a thinker when
i'm in bed by myself. i think its from years of writing in bed. i've done
that since high school. i still do it now. and i've even taken it further
by doing work in bed -- putting the laptop on a pillow and getting to work
by having the pleasure of taking a 3 minute nap in between important
emails. (next time i do that...i should just write at the end of my email
-- "and now i nap till my next email! sincerely, Abe Fromen")

Even when i was doing work yesterday, i decided to vary it up by doing it
outside of my bedroom and in the dining room, by our big window. this
helped cause i think i feed off of the whiteness from the snow. i like it
when it looks nice outside....don't like it if it doesn't FEEL nice
outside. SO...i retired into my room around 2 or 3 to watch a dvd of stand
up comedy. didn't help cause the dvd wasn't that great...i won't mention
names as it's someone you probably don't know. it's just research for me.
it was starting to make my day dreary and then depression started to sink
in. i became restless as i was watching this. i was antsy and wanted to
get out of the house.

you ever watch different strokes? there was this episode where willis was
overly confident about going to college from high school. in high school
he was king of the hill. everyone knew willis jackson. he defined popular
and popular had to find a new definition for willis jackson (....OOOOooooh,
that's good werding! writer's mental note!) SOOOO..he goes to college and
all he gets are practical jokes on him. he gets the butt of jokes when he
thought he was special cause he was drafted by the coach, himself, to play
baseball at their school. he just learned the hard way that friends aren't
as magnetic and easy to come across, especially when you have to start all
over again. it was difficult.

my last few years in college...everyone knew Jonald. everyone in my
fraternity loved me and introduced me to everyone they knew cause i was
easy to get along with. easy to talk to. so friends of friends made lots
of friends for me. i moved to chicago only knowing my cousins. network
not as big. and friends of friends not as great. i went to second
city...but people are all busy with projects and even my class was small
too. we're all just writers really. therefore, not many to pick and
choose from like in college. STILL...i proceed with being the best that i
can be....to which all of you should too! just gotta keep the head up.

SO, there's always somewhat of a relief on monday. even though its the
beginning of a work week, it's also the relief of moving past another
sunday. at least i watched Rent again last night with one of my friends
and his girlfriend after complaining of how bored i was and him bitching at
me being a little p*ssy. gotta love your blunt friends! Rent made me feel
good too. go watch it...like i've said before. it made me feel
better...maybe it'll do the same for you!

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE!! Love, love...love is all you need!

Present day Reasoning to Randumb High School Memory #512:

So why was it that the really hot chicks that were part of the cheerleading
team or any other randumb sport that had hot chicks on it, always laughed
at the stupid jokes that the jocks told? In other words -- I tell pretty
clever jokes, however, for some reason I need to downplay it (in terms of
either making it perverse, cute, or more visually apt) for chicks that are
very appealing to the eyes. Now, I study humor, human behavior, and
comedic situations...therefore I have no problem with trying accomodate
funny lines to particular people. I can usually pick it up pretty quick
and know what can be said to a person during different scenarios. HOWEVER,
i'd rather tell the witty jokes and drop smart one liners instead of
downplaying it to something more silly. Can i just blame the chicks for
being dumb? i know not all of them are dumb though....there are exceptions
to the rule....then how come they don't love me long time??

p.s. i just tell jokes in general. if it's smart or clever, then i get
lucky cause it popped into my head pretty quick. if it's dumb, then i just
say it for the sake of getting it out of my head. i have no shame. i just
like to make people laugh, cause i'm a clown. And you know what would make
an interesting story -- a clown that likes to make people laugh, but deep
inside, he's just really sad. that's jack handy...not me.

sorry to keep on posting up constant weather reports for chicago....but it
really does effect your life if you're one with nature. (or one with
commuting to work, play, or eat.) so there's like a good 3 or 4 inches on
the ground from last night. i can't wait to get home, clean off my car,
and warm it up for 20 minutes to only go to blockbuster that's about a 5
minute drive away. YES!

i'm wearing a turtle neck today. i haven't worn a turtle neck for about 3
years and when i did wear it last, it was only cause it was part of my
halloween costume. i feel weird wearing it. it doesn't feel right. i
don't even know if it looks good on me or not. i just know that it's warm
and it's more fashionably acceptable. and that's what i'm striving more of
now -- trying to learn to dress better. GQ is a cool magazine to read to
try and learn, but it's a bad magazine to try and buy things. everything
is so expensive that you would need to rob both your grandmother's social
security and STILL break into her drug cabinet to sell to the homeboys on
the corner thinkin that it's x. oooooh...did it sound like i've done that
before?? i haven't........

...gotten any of that money from ray ray yet! damn it!

we are the egg men...i am the walrus!! koo koo ka choo!

[this one's for john! we were born on the same day for a reason brother.
i truly believe it. "You may say I'm a dreamer. Well I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one!" Thank you
for inspiring me Mr. Lennon.....]

i just can't keep going on like this anymore. i just can't do it. I can
no longer give people a humorous laugh for the sake of laughing when it
just isn't funny. I'm sorry...it's just gonna have to be like this from
now on. And people that do know me...I already laugh at anything...but
like 10 minutes ago, I had to laugh at people trying to push jokes unto me
that weren't funny. and the reason for my "OH I'll just humor you" laugh
was the fact that they're my superiors. now i don't mind it....cause i'm
sure everyone does the same thing...AND you know you do! don't lie!
however, i always go through that afterthought where i sit at my desk and
think "geez...what just happened?" it replays in my mind but in fast
forward, quickly going over dialogue that might've been intriguing and
interestingly enough to record, otherwise erased to have space for more
important/interesting dialogue. Mind of a "writer" i guess. don't talk to
me if you don't want to get recorded...i remember a lot of a random shiet.
Going back to the laughter - is it rude to just stare and say, "can you
stop pushing that joke?" Don't get me wrong...i've already done this in
the past but with friends who i'm allowed to say it to. so my question is
if its rude to say it to mild acquaintances or strangers.
well....hhmmmm....you shouldn't care about strangers unless you think
you're gonna move them unto the mild acquaintance level. so i guess it's
just about the people that you sorta know but not really. why would it
care? cause maybe some of us are on this quest to be the "perfect" person
and not have any enemies, only to hopefully be concluded as one of the
"popular" people. are we really just hunting to have more people give us
christmas presents...or a very morbid thought....more people to attend our
funeral? interesting, no? SO PLEASE....PLEASE.....just don't tell me dumb
jokes people. i will stare at you and say, "did you want to go to my
funeral? cause with a joke like that....you're so uninvited!"

that's another thought! can i start inviting people to my funeral? i
mean...in a way...it IS MY PARTY! i should be able to invite who i want
and who i don't want. i don't want people there for the sake of "well, it
looks good cause we were best friends in 4th grade." gimmie a break! i'm
starting to write my guest list up now....

email me if you want to be invited! i'll consider it...haha!

nothings gonna change my world....nothings gonna change my world (Across the Universe)

"will i lose my dignity? will someone care? will i wake tomorrow from
this nightmare?" - go watch Rent cause I liked it. that should be good
enough a reason. (sorry....don't feel like doing my usual cinematic bla
bla on it. just trust me if you like modern day musicals.)

it's frickin frigid in the windy city. we've been in single digit weather
for the past week. i have to sit in my car for at least 10 minutes for it
to warm up. you'd think 10 minutes is nothing, but 10 minutes in a
freezing car w/out playing music and sitting in the dark, shaking, while
trying to think how eskimos do it -- WELL, that's just too long in my
lifespan and impatience creeps it's nasty little head into my mind - "Come
on buddy....just go....the car will warm up as your driving." BUT I fight
back - "Impatience, why do you always make me rush things?! warming up the
car will defeat the purpose if i just go and warm it up as i drive. I'm
warming up my car to help maintain a well running machine as old as my car
is. Besides ....what's the hurry? The nudey bar closes at 2." HAHA!

This just made me think of an idea. IF you had to name yourself a word
that described you....but it became your actual name (i.e. the name
Impatience alla my last dialogue conversation from the previous paragraph),
what would you name yourself? Love? Constance? Nervous B.? (B. standing
for Breakdown.) or maybe even a position that stereotypically fits you.
Frat boy? Runner? Worker? i think i would name myself "Taken for
Granted." and NO...this isn't my pity cry...you frickin selfish pricks!
all i'm sayin is that i easily get taken granted for cause i like to do
things for people and yes, i go further than needed if possible. i just
like to make people smile and laugh...but i mean, i'm not like this guy who
wants to be in the medical field or something where i'm ALWAYS helping
people. i just like to help people in my own little way. whatever....i'm
done with this thought.

my neck hurts.

it's cold.

i'm tired (probably due to seasonal depression and present emotional
scarring).

this happened once before, when i came thru your door...No Reply....

sometimes it's just scary what ability i have at work. SO...i work in the
contractual department. obviously i deal with authorized signatures and at
times deal with the financial department of the company. from learning the
ins and outs of such programs as adobe acrobat, microsoft word, and randumb
engineering programs (for drawings and design), i've actually taught myself
to pull signatures off of documents and implement them unto other
documents. sorta like a forge...but not really. i don't use it to my
advantage cause honestly, there's nothing i can take advantage of....i
don't have access to anything like checks and stuff....BUT imagine the
possibilities of my powers. just imagine.....

are you imagining???

no?? WELL THEN IMAGINE, DAMN IT!

okay....enough imagining!

i can't tell what the hell is goin on outside right now. it's like sleet
or rain or hail or something. it's mixed with snow, but it's coming down
really fast and hard like. HA...sounds like a party at studio 54 (...mixed
w/snow....coming down hard and fast....get it? get it?). whatever is goin
on outside...at least it's keeping me amused.
19 more days till christmas. i will take flight (afternoon delight) to the
garden state. there, i will mix conversational indulgences with the likes
of former best friends, former roommates, former crushes, former cigerette
break buddies, former formers, and yes...family too. i'm excited. i'd
like to see what's goin on in the minds of people who i've studied since
high school and college days. it should be interesting.
AH...yes...."interesting." how that word makes people think "what's so
interesting? and what are you talking about?"

FIVE GOLDEN RINGS!!!!!!!

mother nature's son....all day long, i'm sitting singing songs for everyone...

uh...yeah....a couple of hours later -- still snowing! uh....is it gonna
stop?? this is pretty bad dude...are we in the middle of a blizzard? snow
day tomorrow??? AWESOME!

Hey Jude - don't make it bad, take a sad song and make it better....

you ever walk around depressed, looking at other people and thinking, "that
person must have it so easy?" and then when you actually think about it,
you're really not that bad off....things might be half empty in the glass
right now, but it's because you're looking at it like that. people always
have a little something that's gotta make them feel happy. something to
help push out the bad things. for me, it's talking about obscure crap,
trying to make people laugh, and listening to beatles songs in my head, and
gawking at pretty chicks, and acting seriously goofy when no one is around,
and being able to go run. i'm sure there are other things....OH...and
WRITE! geezuz frickin christmas-- how can i forget about my baby? - the
mighty P-E-N and his buddy the P-A-D. i'm nowhere without writing and
jotting down completely randumb crap (...hhmmm...just like a blog).

the weather outside is frightful. no literally...it's frightfully snowing
like crazy outside. it's pretty though. however, pretty scenery always
makes me feel lonely cause it's like you want to share it with someone.
(mental note: stop being so frickin depressing when trying to make people
laugh through writing elements known as blog posts....end scene.)

Mooooooving randumbly along - mmm...i loves me spicy hot v8. it's like
cold chef boy r dee in the morning. but spicy. and then when you get
string cheese...it's really like spaghetti or ravioli in your mouth. was
that sick thinking? sorry, if you don't like v8. i accidentally fell into
liking it when i was on a wierd binge of not eating and only drinking
fluids for a week. fluids and cigerettes for one week with no food is
pretty rough. why would you do crap like that? for me...everything
always, always involves the weakness of all man (unless you're
gay)....women. how do you think i started smoking cigerettes? (and then
it took another chick to get me to stop!)

christmas shopping online rules! delivery and wrapping fees suck.

i will now bury myself in work and not think about anything else for the
rest of the day.

HEY -- leave me a comment, people out there! make me feel loved....

OH DARLIN! if you leave me, i'll never make it alone...

Are there really bed bugs? Cause for some reason, I have a bite on my leg.
It looks like a mesquito bite, but I'm pretty sure there aren't that many
mesquitos around in Chicago this time of year. I mean...maybe they've
migrated indoors, but as far as I know, i haven't seen any mesquitos flying
around. so, i'm pretty certain its bed bugs. WATCH OUT! (there's also a
monster in your closet, so look out for him too!)

randumbly speaking - there's always that specific time during my work day
when i get super sleepy. i can't figure it out. i've even tried to
prepare for it by going into the file room and doing some work that needs
for me to be on my feet....but nope, i still get sleepy at the same time
everyday during work. it's usually around 2 o'clock. it's pretty wierd
cause when i was on a little stint where i was sleeping really really late
at night (for a work nite alla school nite), my sleepy time got pushed to
around 4 o'clock. so i would be energetic throughout the whole day, but
then get really sleepy the last hour of work. however, i'm back to 2 pm
sleepyness. it's reminds me of college lectures -- when i would fall
asleep for like 30 seconds during a lecture and suddenly feel refreshed
when i shook myself awake, realizing i had fallen asleep. (OR, i just go
to the bathroom and take a 15 minute nap in a stall....no biggie). HEY -
i'm a good hard worker...i just get sleepy like anyone else. don't shoot
me for needing to rest my body for 20 minutes.

even wierder - i don't get sleepy on weekends. just here at work. that's
it.

moving right along -- does Axe or Old Spice really work like in the
commercials? i use Axe deodorant, but it's not like i'm getting anymore
tail or anything. i mean...sure chicks check out "the jude" but come on
now...i'm just naturally flirtateous....HAHA! psyche! really though -- do
any girls get aromatically aroused by these products that advertise them to
be artificial pheromones? just wanted to know cause i was tempted to buy
old spice body wash the other day, but only cause i was thinking, "would
this get me more tail?" BUT then again...i'm always thinking of that
question....

remember gang -- you can be a winner at the game of Life, cause reading is
fundamental, and the more you know the more you'll grow. peace, love, and
recycle....b*tches!

sexy sadie, what have you done? you made a fool of everyone!

random scene in my head:

she says: "So i see you're still writing...."

he says: "wouldn't give it up for the world. things have tried to stop me
but i gotta keep doing what hasn't betrayed me."

she says: "i never betrayed you. i moved on when i thought everything was
over."

he says: "no, you ran away when everything felt comfortable. you got
scared."

she says: "i'm not as strong as you. when i get too close to someone, i
get scared because i don't know what to do."

he says: "there isn't a handbook that says that you have 'to do things' in
a relationship. you take risks in life to experience new adventures, but
that doesn't mean that you can't experience these new things with someone
you love. that's the true test in a relationship. to see how far you can
keep going with that person. to try new things together...."

(this is where i turn it into a porn....)

she says: "speaking of trying new things, i just bought these beads...."

(WAIT...that was too easy....let's turn it into laguana beach....)

he says: [giggles] "sorry...you're just too pretty. i just wanted to say
that."

she says: "what are you looking at? stop looking at me like that!"
[girly giggle and light slap on shoulder]

he says: "i just think you're so cool and (pause)....i dunno...that's it."
[looks away and gazes on the ground, while making small eye contact here
and there]

she says: "come on. let's go." [she holds her hand out and takes him to
her hot tub."

(WAIT! sorry...this can totally turn into porn also. i'm done with this
scene.)

FADE OUT.

(aren't you glad i'm a writer? and just when you thought i wasn't
listening to every word you people say. SO, sure...yes...you are in my
movie. you just don't know who it is that's playing you.
bwooohahahahha!!)

so i sing the song of love for juuuuulia

i officially hate sundays. at one time in my life, i didn't mind it
because i would not do a damn thing and people knew not to bother me on
sundays cause i was completely useless. it would be this invisible rule to
not bother jay on sundays. but of recent, with personal projects being
very important to keep consistant work up to date, i need to use my
weekends to full advantage. however, the last couple of weekends have made
me feel depressed on sunday. i would wake up later in the afternoon,
trying to sleep away any form of drunkiness from the night before and
possibly try to "catch up" on missed sleep throughout the week. then i
would lay in bed, wondering if i should do work or not and trying to
convince myself that watching a movie is doing "work" also cause i have to
study documentary formats. although it isn't completely false, it is a
scapegoat from doing something more productive.

GAWD -- don't you hate that! when you know you're doing something wrong
and you know what's wrong about it...but you're still doing it. goes with
alot of crap in life -- "i need to workout more." "i need to eat more
healthy." "just go up to her and say hello." "stay away from her, she's
bad news."

not to get away from the topic at hand (which i've very good at doing),
sundays are days when i wish i could lay in bed with someone, keeping warm
and watching good movies, while getting up every now and then to cook a
good meal in between our laziness. however, it's turned into a day when i
fight a mental battle to try to be more productive because i won't get
anywhere with my dream of making movies if i don't.

i feel like i'm waiting for something exciting to happen. i hate that
feeling cause i've felt it before and when something good would happen, i
didn't know it cause the hype in my head was too great in waiting. over
this past weekend, someone asked me if i was still writing sketches.
sadly, i'm not. but i will have to for the sake of my asian american show.
i have already brainstormed and there's so much i want to do, but i think i
might be scared. not scared to write, but scared to meet expectation.
people who know me, know that i can create greatness and i believe in
myself to create greatness as well....however, this is a show that i'm
gonna do all by myself. this is going to be my baby and i don't want
anything but perfection for it. this is also going to be my true test to
see where i stand in terms of writing. i haven't showcased my own personal
works since Sex, Lies, and Asparagus - 2 years ago. and that was only 2
sketches.

however, i have things up my sleeve for this show. i think i know how to
rock it already. it's all a matter of getting it on paper. how the hell
do i balance daytime work, documentary, gym, and writing with personal life
and the search for happiness? don't ask me...but i'm somehow still doing
it. one of those things are gonna give and i hope it isn't the gym cause i
feel good about the way i look. and it can NEVER be writing cause
well...it just can't. and my documentary can NOT end cause it's already
begun. i have to finish now! as always -- i need more time!

i hate sundays!

Ohhhhh! Dirty maggie may, you have taken her away....

mental note: A. never throw around your red pen when you're wearing a
white shirt. B. don't think altoids have some kind of oxide in it to get
red ink out of shirts. C. don't use a damp brown napkin from corner
bakery to scrup a red ink mark out of your shirt. D. be physically apt to
have one arm up in the air at all times to cover up a pen mark when talking
to someone.

the end.

speaking words of wisdom, Let It Be....

p.s. (PRE-script): i'm still continuing to name my posts after the first
Beatles song that I think of once i have to write a title for a post.

new pet peeve: i hate when you cover for someone at work, then a superior
brings work that the "missing person" usually does to which you have no
knowledge of knowing how to do. puts you in a bind, makes you look
entirely incompetant, and the only way out is to be able to be a good
orator. thank god i'm that AND funny with a cute to play with (...GAWD,
you're extremely conceeded!). no - really though....people should be more
confident in situations like this. this is why -- that superior that gave
you the work, i'd say at least 7 outta 10 bosses don't know what/how to do
the things you do. the exception to the rule is if they made their way to
the top by going through what you do....but in the administrative business
world -- secretaries and "copy boys" and doc aids and "right hand men" just
do what needs to get done by any means necessary. as long as it's neat,
clean, with no complaints afterwards. THEREFORE, you can work your way
around the administrative track if you're a good orator that looks
intelligent/cute AND you can back up your talk every now and then. BUT
like i said in a previous post -- i actually DO work at work. i don't like
to use this tactic unless i have to.

smartest line in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: when Professor
Dumbledore was talking to Harry about the things that he'll start to face
in life: "You can either do the right thing or do what is easy." OH -- so
damn smart! think about it! even in the world of computers when things
are getting more technologically advanced to make things easier...if you
don't know the backbones of it and HOW it works, then you'll get screwed
when it breaks down. If you go through the trouble of reading instruction
manuals and knowing devices in and out, you took the difficult route (NOT
EASY) and did the right thing cause you'll more likely be less screwed if
something were to happen. That's just one example. but that quote works
in so many ways. Please learn to take meanings out of movies -- it makes
life more insightful!

randumb thought: you think people that have warts on their hands actually
have genital warts and got warts on their hands because they suffer from
chronic masturbation? not far fetched if you ask me!

thanksgiving randumbness: even as far back as social studies in 5th grade,
i've always accepted this holiday to be another reason to eat alot and get
drunk. that's what the pilgrims and the indians did. [enter dramatic
music with gong to set the scene] in a deep movie trailer voice: When the
worlds of man and earth combine together to celebrate a moment of
unity...there is ONLY ONE REASON! A battle of gobble vs. fork. What can
people do to save a country from interior mass destruction?! They call a
legend. Academy Award winning actor, Russell Crowe, plays John Smith.
"Hold it right there brown man! Nobody passes without food in their hand!"
Academy Award nominee Ken Watanabe as Chief Wigwam, "oook ah towee ba! You
intrude on mother soil. Give me drink of drunk!" A holiday event directed
by Oliver Stone. [GONG!] "T-GIVING: THE FIGHT FOR WHITE MEAT!" [Fade to
black. GONG!]

i love having a movie imagination....

happy thanksgiving b*tches -- it's a celebration!

I WILLLLLLLLLL

today is the GOBLET OF FIRE! or..."Harry Potter Gets Easily Arroused: the
Broomstick Story." I actually like the Harry Potter films and books. I've
only read up to the third book, but have the 4th book waiting by my bed for
me to read when I have the chance (....i haven't had a chance since i
bought it 5 months ago). I have like 4 books that I need to read in my
room. 4 movies that i need to watch in my room. Right now, the movies
are: Rope (which i've seen before, but i vowed to rewatch it...and now
that i own it...i haven't watched it), the Scorsese film with Harvey
Keitel....can't put my finger on the title, Old Boy, and Born in Brothels
-- the oscar winning documentary. All the documentaries i've been watching
have been very interesting and have all these different takes on the
subject matter at hand. It's slowly meshing up ideas on what I want to
write up as a voice-over narration for "That Asian Thing." Ready to make
y'all laugh, cry, and think....b*tches.

In other news - I've become more lax at work recently. I think it's
because they've accepted how young I am and now we're all joking with each
other. When it comes to jokes, I come all over their faces! uh...i
mean...i just "tickle their balls" (reference to previous post about this
saying).

Tangently -- people are starting to get sick. cover your mouths y'all!
it's courtesy for the sick and the unsick to cover your mouths (you sar
infected, malnutritioned, throat clearing, snot snorting, drinking cold
things when you should drink room temperature things, really, really, sick
person!)

randumbly -- isn't diet mountain dew code red just fruit punch? taste like
it.

we have a company christmas party coming up during the first week of
december. i'm not sure if i want to go or not. i've actually grown closer
with this group that i'm working with now than any other group since i've
been with this company (about 3 or 4 years). it might be quite possible
for me to show my face. i think a big thing for me is because i work with
the "big boys" now. interestingly enough -- when i use to work with just
regular administrative people, they use to say that they didn't know their
project boss very well. now, i'm in the midst of all these project bosses
and they're just regular people too. actually, some of them are pretty
cool (in that old person kind of way) OR....OR...OR....i'm becoming old
myself and starting to understand what they like as i morph into "that old
guy." -- uh....yeah, right....NOT! totally a kid still. hollla!!

Her majesty's a pretty nice girl but she doesn't have a lot to say

i'm a planner. i'm an initiator. i like to start things up for the sake
of peoples' interest and beings of good times. i like doing it, HOWEVER i
do get tired. i do get worn out. i do get weary. What i thrive off of is
appreciation or equal gesture. i'm a writer. i observe human behavior. i
pick up pretty quickly on the characteristics of people and understand the
good and bad qualities of each person. you may think you have a good
understanding too, but i have it down to detail where it is broken down by
questions of particular hand movements or seat adjustments. i even analyze
voice tones and posture. there are the little things that are understood
to be routine, however there is meaning behind it. WITH THIS, i know who
takes full advantage of my initiation. i know if i'm taken for granted for
the good things that i do. to some, they deserve it (the gift of giving)
because he/she has given back to me in someway. to others, they don't
deserve it because they're ASSUMING and they just understand it to be a
"jay thing" when in fact, it's actually an "everybody thing." for me, when
you jump into the cast of invitees, a helping hand is always a good gesture
-- but remember -- 1.) it's a HELPING hand, which means that you're
SUPPORTING where support is needed and 2.) never assume. don't take things
or people for granted, especially if its good gesture. now i don't go
LOOKING for people to get me back cause i know it doesn't always happen. i
like to set things up so everyone can have a good time and have something
to do. all i'm saying is that it can get tiresome to keep on going when
you don't get good feedback. you need a motivator. that's why people have
a muse, a girlfriend/wife, a fan club, a manager, or a family that knows
how to express feelings. even for my documentary, whenever i get a survey
back that says "good luck" or "this is something that needed to be done" or
"this is cool man" ...it makes me feel like i want to do more. i'm
actually reaching out to someone with something that i enjoy doing (unlike
being a doctor or a wedding planner or a priest). what if someone were to
plan something where i didn't give ANY help and it went smoothly and i
didn't have to worry about "who's driving?" or "who's going?" or "how
should we get there?" or "what time are we leaving?" someone would tell me
-- be ready at 7 pm to go here, bla bla will pick us up, bla bla will meet
us there, and then we can go to bla bla afterwards. as cool as that would
be....wierdly enough, i betcha i couldn't handle not having my hand
somewhere in there to help plan.

maybe this is some unknown condition. give-alot-without-getting-back-itis.
whatever. shut up jay....just do your thing.

i just want to run and sleep now.

imma be in jersey for christmas if you're interested.

If I fell.....

Everyone always seems to be in slow motion on Mondays. It's sorta funny
cause if you mess up or do something dumb, you can always say,
"Ugh...sorry....Monday." And then people just nod, giggle, and agree. The
opposite rings true for Fridays. You're more upbeat and seem to slack off
just a little bit more. SO, when you go out to eat for lunch and you're
with coworkers....there's always that one coworker that says, "We gotta get
back in like 10 minutes man." You're allowed to say, "Take it easy....it's
Friday. We got time...." And then everyone nods, giggles, and agrees. I
don't know where during this time, everyone turns into a small, asian
school girl -- but if that's what nodding, giggling, and agreeing looks
like, then call these people Soon Yi, cause that's how they react!

I'm mentally confused and depressed of late. I'd rather not say why, but
rather say how lop sided my emotions have been. I'll lay in bed restless,
thinking of too much stuff and not wanting to sleep. I'm obsessed with
trying to figure out what went wrong and how I might've been the root of
the problem, when I know in my head that I wasn't really at fault. I use
work to cover up the way I feel and I'd rather be eating than exercising.
Old habits that I got rid of are slowing creeping their way back into my
routine when they shouldn't. Showers make me feel better. My humor is at
a low and writing funny stuff...well, isn't really funny. I don't show how
I really feel because no one should have to say, "I'm sorry" to me and I'm
always a person that would rather make someone smile than bring up serious
issues to the table. My mentality is still strong though, but I'm in the
midst of needing to pep talk myself before moving forward. Pep talks to
yourself are actually very supportive if you ever need motivation. You
really have to be good at it though and know yourself as a person. I know
that if I talk a minute to say the goods and bads of doing something, then
I believe my ability to do it or not. In most cases, I can do whatever the
hell I wanna do and I should NOT be scared of anything. It's a matter of
accepting and envisioning the realistic outcome of it. Again, in most
cases, I pretty much verify to myself that this is a "life experience" and
pondering the past instead of accepting it for what it is, won't get you
anywhere. In other words -- LIVE LIFE! Things that hurt, things that are
suppose to be sad, things that make you mad....it'll happen...welcome it
but realize why you feel the way you do. accept it and take it for what
its worth (also questioning if it's worth it or not). But no matter what,
we can only move forward in order to gain more experience and gawd help me
when I say that I don't regret anything that I've ever done.

well....that was a written pep talk if i've ever seen one...i hope it
worked for you in some way as well. I know people are out there, reading
up on me. seeing what that jonald jude j. boy is up to. i don't mind
it...but whoever is out there, i hope you're doing well and things are mr.
brightside. if they aren't ....take life by the horns and make it so.
that's all you can do or else sulk in depression that doesn't make you move
forward...making you stuck. in the words of Cher in Moostruck -- "SNAP OUT
OF IT!"

that's that.

across the universe

i just had a raisin bran muffin from corner bakery. first off, i love
corner bakery. i think it rocks as far as breakfast is concerned.
(however, it never compares to clark's breakfast 3 o'clock in the morning,
drunk off your ass and trying to keep your head up so that the room stops
spinning). the bran muffin was rough to get through. it's not that it was
bad -- it was pretty good, but i'm just not a fan. "Why'd you get it then,
you idiot?!" WELL, i've been eating Hooters for the past 3 nights and that
DEFINITELY is NOT healthy. the dude that filmed SuperSize me, should do
"Let me Eat your Hooters." He would die by the end of the month....for
sure. i'm a pretty healthy eater....i mean, yes, i eat crap....but
throughout the week, i eat pretty well during breakfast and lunch. i run
throughout the week too. this week though, i wasn't able to run too much
and my friends/cousins went out for a birthday at Hooters. We had a lot
leftover and free food is free food -- take it home! we have a lot of
wings at home, which i enjoy, BUT to eat it 3 nights in a row and to not
run. i seriously felt my arteries clogging up last night. i woke up
feeling bla and lazy. that's not good. i've been sleeping late at night
as it is....so, i can't do this. THEREFORE, bran muffin this morning to
try to cleanse things out. AND last night i went to sleep at 9:30 pm!!
can you believe it?? AWESOME! i feel pretty fresh today. BUT (a lot of
these around my posts), i woke up at 3:30 a.m. and was restless for about
an hour before i could really fall asleep again. that's about 6 hours --
my usual amount of sleeping time lately. so that makes sense.

Sleep --> during my 2nd half of sleep from about 5'ish to 6:30'ish i had
some random ass dream but i woke up from it real quick and caught myself
laughing. have you ever done that? caught your body doing something that
you didn't initialize. it was frickin wierd. i woke up laughing and then
i stopped and told myself in my head that i'm a frickin lunatic! (i
already know this though....so it's not self depricating. i like being
insane actually. where do you think creativity derives from?) BUT it was
so wierd to catch myself doing something that i wasn't really in control
of.

it's only friday morning, but i already feel like all i want to do this
weekend is work on my documentary. watch-- after work, i'll want to go out
and drink myself to sleep. Ggggeeeeeeeez -- can we be a little productive
this weekend?! PLEASE!

Don't Let Me Down!

JARHEAD - this was a really good movie. Better than Road to Perdition (Sam
Mendes' last film). Went along the same lines as American Beauty but
obviously different storyline. It took a closer look at what the troops
went through during Desert Storm and Shield. Now that I think about it,
the time span within the movie, actually felt like the timespan of the war
itself. I remember I was in 7th grade when this happened. Oh man....did I
just say that I remembered a war?? How old am I?? ANYHOO, this movie has
Jake Gyllenhal (from Donnie Darko, The Good Girl, and Proof -- all movies
that you should see), Jamie Foxx (Ray -- which I thought was
eh...okay.....NOT Academy Award winning -- sorry, no offense Mr.
Foxx...just didn't think it was your year), and Peter Sarsgaard (from
Kinsey and Garden State - 2 other ones that you should catch....not as
important though, but pretty good rents). There was a small stint by
Cooper (from American Beauty and Adaptation) but nothing to get crazy
about. This was based on a novel and used a lot of voice-overs to tell the
inner thoughts of the main character. That was used well because as a
screenwriter, you're taught to never use voice-overs unless it moves the
story forward -- in this case, it gave the viewer a way to get more indepth
with the main character. That makes good movies -- if you can grow an
attachment to the characters. Sam Mendes uses his classic styles of
silhouettes, vibrant colors through the use of light, and uses of slow
motion. One of my favorite moments in the movie is when they get bombed
for the first time since the announcement of entering Desert Storm and
Gyllenhal stands up, taking in the fact that they have just entered war.
Mind you, this is the first feel of enemy attack after waiting weeks of
doing nothing in the desert, growing anxiety and impatience, and being
completely bored with the constant training which felt utterly useless.
That scene goes into slow motion and Mendes does this close up on Jake
getting hit in the face with the grains of sand, using a voice-over to say
what is going on in his head, then fading out the sound of people yelling
at him, as he raises the sound of the sand hitting his face. Wow -- such a
good scene. Almost as good as Deniro's slow motion scene in Goodfellas
when he was about to kill Mory. And y'all thought some ghetto boy didn't
know cinema!! WH -WHAT?!?! Go see this movie - it won't change cinema but
that won't happen till I've completed my screenplay.

I also watched a good documentary this weekend, entitled - "My Architect."
It's about Lou Kahn - an architect that designed great buildings using
methods that were unique and against the grain of architectural "rules."
He designed the capital of Bengledesh, which many citizens consider him to
be famous for doing. You can truly see how much of a masterpiece it is
within the film -- but I'm sure it's only an 1/8th of the true beauty it
contains if you were to see it in person. Sort of how I grew up, always
seeing pictures of the Statue of Liberty in school and television - but
then seeing how huge and remarkable it is when you see it in person.
Unreal. However, Kahn's son - Nathaniel - is the writer/director of this
film and makes it even more insightful. He goes through his lifestyle -
interviewing people that were part of his life, both personally and
business oriented. Kahn was a workaholic, but also a nomad who traveled
all over the place. He went through 3 relationships with women, having
children with each. The only thing that I can tell you about this film
that would want to make you watch it is -- it's artistically inclined,
using a lot of great shots and good footage of the beauty of inanimant
objects. At first I thought, why would I want to watch a movie about an
architect...but when I watched it, it was just a really good film that was
greatly edited, directed, and written. One of the better documentaries
that I've seen of late.

and now.....i go .....

getting so much better all the time!

for some reason, i feel good about myself today! you ever feel like that?
haven't felt like this in awhile and it's only 10 a.m. , so i just hope it
lasts the whole day.

randumbly:

--you know when you're walking around the office and you go around corners
or out doors, obviously you have a chance of bumping into
someone...correct? does etiquette tell you that you must say, "excuse me?"
not necessarily, but it would be more polite in this harsh world we live
in. i mean...it's takes 2 seconds to say it out of your mouth and f*ck
principle...you're just being polite about possibly bumping into someone
when most people don't want to be bumped into. My thing is -- i say
"ooop...'scuse me. sorry...." and give a nice smirk, HOWEVER what i
receive in return is a blank stare like "of course it's your fault,
dumbass!" Where's the love man?? just return it back -- "oh no...excuse
me." and in my la la land of great people, it would actually be, "OH No,
no, no, no, no....Excuse me for i am in the presence of greatness. I
apologize for even possibly touching you in anyway and for my pennance, i
give you my extremely hot daughter as your sex slave." Uh....okay...so,
the people in my head talk like their from medieval times....and yes, they
trade extremely hot daughters as sex slaves.....WHATEVER!

--i like sitting up straight. and i like busting out as many cruches as i
can at the gym. however, sitting up straight after a couple of days of
crunches...not so good feeling. pretty soar and makes me want to sloutch.
and in turn, makes me look like i'm low on confidence...when in fact i'm
high in confidence. and that's what everyone needs a little bit more of,
eh?

--EPIPHANY moment. sometimes i hate these, but most times i like them. i
just had an idea at the copy machine a minute ago. (that's right...i did
some multi-tasking biotch!) i don't really have that many friends from
work...and it's not cause i'm not outgoing or shy...but it's because i
choose to not intertwine work with personal issues. however, i don't
really have anyone to b*tch too concerning my department or job. not that
i have many complaints...but it would be good to talk about it. there are
a good amount of young people at my job...but all doing different jobs, so
not too much intermingling unless you work in the same group. i don't work
with any young heads, except for one dude who's pretty chill. SO...is this
a dumb idea but why don't we have like a young person's club or something?
maybe not a club, but maybe like a get together at a bar after work on a
friday. it would be a good way to start off the weekend and to release
some work week steam. you could meet younger cats at your job as well as
hear what they think about things instead of having to be p.c. because they
wouldn't wanna get in trouble for speaking out of place. (....okay,
okay....so this is just another way to meet chicks. HEY! it's still a
good idea though....you gotta admit. a more comfortable place to work
makes productivity better.)

....and then he turned into a handsome prince. The End.

This Boy wants you back again....

Don't tell me you're not psyched to watch JARHEAD this weekend! Come
on...Sam Mendes hasn't been in the mix of the game since Road to Perdition
(Tom Hanks and Paul Newman). Perdition was a weak follow up to American
Beauty but then again, it wasn't Alan Ball. The Mendes style was still in
there though. I'm totally game to watch JARHEAD THIS FRIDAY!! i'll go by
myself if i have to. I'm also starting to dig Chris Cooper. haven't
really paid too much attention to him, but lately, he's been keepin up his
game. another person i'm starting to enjoy watching on the big screen -
laura linney. like i said last time i posted up her name -- ever since
tales of a city on pbs....she's been rockin it! AND another good actor and
another good reason to watch Jarhead -- jake gyllenhal. so cool man. this
is gonna skyrocket his stock being with jami foxx, chris cooper, and sam
mendes (3 academy award winners).

randumbly: these are things that i love during this time of year:

-- i can use my figidy hands to take out chap stick.

-- i can wear long johns and a couple of layers of shirts without needing a
jacket.

--fall leaves all over the ground to push around with your feet
(...uh...provided it didn't rain. cause that sucks.)

--hoodies are back. i can look like a thug but in reality, i'm just
staying warm.

--scullies make my bald head happy. i wear it in the house too cause it's
literally like my thinking cap.

moving right along -- there are more and more people in the gym now. they
can't play outside anymore, but now it's crowded at the gym during my
visiting hours. not a bad thing cause there are more hot chicks, but more
old naked guys in the locker room. and do you have to lift your leg up on
the bench when i'm sitting there?!?! AHEM....DUDE! EXCUSE ME, OLD BALLS!

i saw this documentary (ugh...again?!) two nights ago named "Girlhood."
it's follows the lives of these 2 girls who have been placed in juvenile
detention jail. one girl stabbed another girl to get in there (Shanae).
another girl was into drugs, running away, and all that bad'ish stuff
(Maggie or Margie....uh...i'm sure they don't call her by her real name in
the hood anyways -- probably something like Mommy or Girl or Momma
Sita....you know...all those names of affection). ANYWAYS, it was okay.
nothing fancy in terms of telling a crazy story or exposing somthing
absurdly crazy, which makes me think if my project is very thought
provoking. it's sorta blan and plain....so i have to start brainstorming
on ideas to make it more CRAZY and something that peope haven't seen.
don't worry...i'll think of something.

i'm tired....

paperback writer...PAPERBACK WRITER!

If you've been staying tuned, yesterday my cousin announced that he and his
girlfriend got engaged. now i've gone through people's engagements,
weddings, and the infamous bachleor parties....but not since my cousin's
wedding (Shine) in like '01 or '02, have i felt close to the person who's
in the big dance. SO, this should be awesome and i have no doubt that i'll
have some role to play in this production. even if it's just
program-hander- outer, i know they'll make me do something. but then
again, in my family "jay jay boy" does a lot of things. i personally don't
mind it though. i like helping out where i can and making things flow
easier. (congrats rock and lucille -- wedding day is payback for not
getting drunk at our birthday party.....booowhhahahahhahaa!!

my TMJ problems are making my neck very stiff and parts of my back soar.
annoying! but it's been like this for awhile now, so i'm getting use to
it. that's actually not a good thing to be comfortable with pain. then
pain wouldn't be pain and you wouldn't get that pain checked out by the
pain doctor to put the pain away. painfully true!

i was a lazy bumb yesterday even though i did laundry and watched another
documentary. like i've said at one time or another, watching movies is
still like homework to me. enjoyable, but still work in my mind. might
sound ridiculous, but this is how my mind works. i ask like a jillion
questions in my head as the film keeps on going. i watch corners of the
screen to catch obscure things and i look at shot angles to get a vivid
image in my head of where the cameraman is and how the set/scene is in
front of the camera. i listen to sound carefully, and i try to catch every
transition between scenes to see if the editor/director used a wipe, fade,
dissolve, or cut. i love films though. yes, i have said that films are
wierd but i won't admit to being too wierd for anyone to enjoy. i believe
everyone has different tastes and when something comes off as "wierd" in
movies -- sometimes its just a matter of not understanding what the auteur
is trying to say. SO, i hope my documentary can appeal to everyone and
their mother (and father, brothers, sister, aunt, etc...). i just want to
make a good film that people can comment on. that's all.....

that's all....

Don't Let Me Down!

Contrary to popular belief, I actually do a lot of work at work. It just
doesn't seem like it as much cause when you call me or email me, I'm pretty
lax and take my time. But fact to the matter is, I bust my butt to do as
much work as I can at an efficient quality. Faster than other workers
would be able to do it....and SO, i take that to my advantage and when i do
other things (talk on phone, email, blog, etc.) ...it's because i've done a
good amount of work thus far. this is my 2nd logic -- you know how many
people smoke cigerettes at my company? well...i'll tell you -- it's alot!
and everytime i go downstairs to get something at CVS, Corner Bakery, or
White Hen...i always see the same people outside. And as a prior smoker at
work (...i don't do it anymore cause i don't like to stink being around a
bunch of big wigs), i know the schedule. they go in the morning -- around
8:30 cause you figure you settle in and get your morning coffee...might as
well smoke if you got'em. then again at 10:30 for that mid-morning fix.
then obviously lunch which can consist of 2 or 3 cigerettes. then 2:30 for
that mid-afternoon fix. and finally right after work. THEN, you figure
with time to smoke (10 minutes) and time to wash up or get outside (let's
say 7 minutes) -- WELL, that's about 20 minutes per break with about 4 - 5
breaks...which adds up to over an hour! MY LOGIC IS -- since I don't
smoke, why can't I have the same luxury as a smoker? instead of smoke
breaks...i do email, blog, and random walking around breaks. hence the
contrary to popular belief -- i actually do a lot of work at work...you
just don't notice cause i accumulate all my "smoke breaks" into one. i
should just leave early and yell out, "smoke break...i'll be back on
monday!"

late last night, as i watched tv to put myself to sleep, i was watching
laguana beach. don't really watch it and don't know what's going on. but
that one chick who was bangin stephen and now jason or whatever...she's
like a slut and stuff. but in the words of every guy in my fraternity -
"i'd do her." BESIDES THIS, my point was -- they show those "new video"
clips during the credits and low and behold, i see the new My Chemical
Romance video. AGH! In case you don't know...these guys are pretty good,
pretty talented and matter a factly -- from my high school. The bass
player, Mike Way use to always come into my comic book store. (did i post
this before?) and the lead singer, Gerard Way (his bro) actually put out a
comic book but it totally flopped. Now that he's this big rock star...he's
gonna put out another comic and you know what -- i betcha it frickin sells.
I guess I just thought that I would be the first really famous dude from my
high school...but turns out someone beat me to it. whatever...now i just
want to be the famous dude in my graduating class. "Did you see Jonald's
movie -- That Asian Thing? It's like this documentary about Asian
Americans. Pretty funny but so smart. Now he's like the savior to all
Asian Americans. and i didn't notice in back when we were in high
school...but he's so frickin hot!" Don't worry -- this is what all the
ladies say....HA HA!

White Sox ticker tape parade today. I can probably see it from my window
at work. "Sweet home - Chicago!"

Next time you're in conversation this weekend. At any randumb moment, just
say "tickle the balls." you'll always get a laugh. works for guys and
girls. when they say, "what?" just repeat and say, "you haven't heard
that new lingo yet? it's like 'cool,' 'dope,' or 'sweet.'" It's sure to
catch on....tickle the balls!

getting better all the time

my TMJ frickin hurts like crazy today. i dunno what aggrevates it, but i
was reading up on it and stress is one of them. stress is like enemy
numero uno for your whole body. it never ceases to amaze me at how people
change when they're under an incredible amount of stress. it's like this
pressurized situation where any move is the wrong move and no matter what,
the intensity level is times 30 (....yes, times 30....i picked that number
cause it sounds like a lot, but not too much).

i' m gonna talk about That Asian Thing project personally. on the Asian
Thing blog, i like to keep it all business with thought provoking points of
view that i come across as i progress. however, i haven't really thrown in
too much of my feelings. and so, i'll do a bit of that right now. what's
been the most difficult since this project has started is getting crucial
interviews with the right people. i'm actually pretty psyched to sit down
with the Pacifics this sunday. however, i'm tryin to get some bigger names
like rev. jesse jackson, margaret cho, and apl.d.ap (from Black Eyed Peas).
But it's pretty rough to 1.)get in contact 2.)make my project sound
appealing to them 3.)not be able to pay them in anyway and 4.)get to
wherever they're at if they're not in chicago. I'm optomistic
though....i'm in the beginnings of this project and if i give up now, i'm
this naysaying little b*tch that should give up on any sort of dream to do
film. HOWEVER, that ain't me and i ain't goin out like that! THIS IS IT!
i've sent out numerous emails and i will prove to people that have no faith
of my powers. just gotta open doors with the jaws of life -- jiggy boy
styles!

i just need to vent a little. this cold weather is making me turn into a
werewolf. getting a little bit lazier with goin to the gym. staying up
way too late at night working on this project. but when i think about
it....the determinating factor is what makes me keep on going. i WANT this
to be the best damn documentary and stage production to shout louder than
all asian americans put together. time is so important when i think about
it too.

AH...before i leave -- note: the white sox are the world series champs.
unbelievable. the town is wierd and psyched to have baseball champs. but
not for nuttin...i think it would've been crazier if the cubbies won it.
there's way more cubs fans than sox fans. not that i've been to every nook
and cranny in chicago, but i do work downtown, which is the middle of the
windy metropolitan. i just see and hear more cubs fans. i'm sure there
are more sox fans now though....

halloween is coming soon. are you scared?

You know my name, look up the #!

i'm gonna start naming my blog entries after Beatles songs. whichever pops
into my head. that's what its gonna be. whether it references what i'm
writing or not...who cares. this is RANDUMB baby!

sometimes i think its wierd when someone in my cubicle refers a person to
me, but isn't speaking directly to me. like....i hear my name, but they're
not talking to me. it's like talking behind my back, but in my ear. at
most part, it's nothing bad...but when it has to deal with work or doing
more work....well, then that's always associated with bad.

Chicago White Sox are gonna win the world series?? really?? i've actually
been watching this series on the d.l. not completely indulged in it, but
my one stray eye watches the game when it looks like i'm holding
conversation. AH HA...and y'all just thought i had lazy eye. well i
don't....however, if you're reading this and you do...i'm sorry. it's
nothing to be ashamed of. one of my friends has lazy eye and he's seeing
someone about it. (obviously with his good eye only.) i mean...we all get
lazy...just some people more than others and you're so lazy that it effects
your eye. be okay with it, cause i'm okay with you. and together...we can
be okay. okay?! and the moral of this paragraph is -- GO SOX!! (i'm more
in it for the city than for the braggin rights. i WAS a yankees fan till
it got boring cause they kept on winning and everyone accused me of jumping
on the bandwagon. the only thing i root for now a days are: my
cousins/friends' vollyball team, my fantasy football players, me in bed
getting my groove on, and my company who pays me to root for them.
otherwise....i just stand in the back bopping my head to the same
ol'beat....).

I watched another documentary last night. Capturing the Friedmens. This
was waaaaay better than my previous documentary watch. It basically dealt
with how a family that seemed so tight and loving at one moment, broke down
when the father was arrested for child porn and molestation...AND THEN, the
son was his accomplice cause he was in on it too. first
off.....eeeewwwwwwww! second -- great detailed look at the city that they
grew up in, the insight of the family, and the investigation by the
documentary team. they had classic footage from the son, which made it
money from the get go. however, you still have to deal with the magic of
editing to tell your story. and that they did a good job of. i enjoyed
it, even though it was a sad tale. but most documentaries are. BUT NOT
That Asian Thing.....

REVIEW: Weather Underground

http://www.upstatefilms.org/weather/main.html

What a way to end my Sunday night -- I watched the documentary, Weather
Underground and was so deeply disturbed that I cringed every minute that I
watched this film. It's such a buzz kill because not only is it true, but
it took place during an era when the world was undergoing a revolution that
had to be met. The Weather Underground takes place during the 1970's and
it depicts the lives of the members known as the Weathermen (named after a
Bob Dylan song lyric). At first, they were associated with a political
party youth activist association, but then about 13 members took complete
lead and felt that their fighting words weren't doing jack. They needed a
higher plan of attack, which turned into violent rage against "the man" and
everything that he stood for. It was their shout at the government to get
the men out of vietnam and bring them back home. However, things got a
little out of hand after a crazy riot of a bum rush with protestors
throwing rocks and using sticks to demolish the streets of Chicago. It was
a revolt and a stand against the police/government. Bring our boys home!
However, for some reason, I just couldn't watch it without thinking,
"Man....that sucked...." I actually don't know what I would've done during
that time period. Would I too want to take action and stand up against the
government? If you think about it...the same thing is happening
today...isn't it? But there's no form of revolution -- I think everyone
agrees that no innocent people should get killed but then there are people
who can be confused -- yes, you want to stand next to your country, but is
this fight worth it? Have you been brain washed to attack anything/anyone
that resembles Saddam? I think back then, people were more open with
taking a stand and taking feelings out. I believe that we live in an
oppressed world now -- where people WANT to get along, but push all
feelings and comments in the pits of stomachs in order to stay p.c. or
accomodating to the masses. This could very well be my personal point of
view, but I don't think it's very far fetched. Maybe it's time for another
revolution. But not through the use of violence...rather through the use
of what everyone is already guilty of. And this my friends is
called.....REALITY TELEVISION!

emptying out the cell phone pics

today's entry is basically me emptying out pics from my phone. what i usally do is upload unto my yahoo photo album and save them for incriminating evidence when i need to use them. however, these pics are useless to me....JUST KIDDING! (...uh...not really...) Actually, upon these pics are some random moments during my summer season, since we're on the cusp of entering colder weather. so, in a way, this is my own personal cleansing to get out all the summer activity and get ready for the colder moments that are about to enter. bbbbrrrrrr....i can already see my breath (..oh snap...i should close me window and turn the air off since it's like 40 degrees here....it was an environmental experiment!). NOW for the explanation of these images. the majority of this ride comes from our day at the annual Naperville Ribfest. It was so much fun and such great eats. MMMMMM...RIBS!!! NONSTOP RIBS!! here are captions that i will write out but not tell you which one goes with which picture. that's the fun of it. connect them for yourself:

--"hmm...looks a little flat."
--"i'm frickin sexy, bitch!"
--"this is how you put the roller on and make things extremely yellow."
--"you wouldn't believe me if i told you i was wearing neon green sunglasses."
--"we are bag aliens. we have come to take over your planet."
--"errr...my head.....jus...won't...eerrr...go...up!"
--"BAMPH!"
--this is what happens to your muffler if you don't get your oil changed for over year....
--"i need to win that stuffed animal!"
--self-explanatory

AND now i'll leave you to gauk, stare, and perform your voodoo rituals on these pictures. thank you for your time.

I can remember...

-- doing a one-word email response to Wille every other day for about 2
months. we kept on going back and forth with one word responses. it was a
list of random and tangent relations.

-- going to the grease trucks with Frank 3:55 in the morning and only get
Fat Steve's cause they already turned the grill off. HOT SAUCE, ESPECIAL!!
"Hot and juicy, like wet p*ssy" is what Sammy always told me....

-- watching the Daily Show with Craig Kilborn at Wesley's house on summer
afternoons when we had nothing to do. We'd just sit there and chill.

-- always getting beat by woodbury everytime we played basketball.
GOD....i know i'm still better, but that height advantage killed me. we
played the mecca of all one-on-one bball games at Lou's house on a cold,
fall night. he wore a larry bird jersey (that barely fit him). we were
dead even and then he got up on me with 2 hook shots. unreal! he fell to
the ground from exhaustion, as you can see our breaths in the cold air.
when he stood back up, he sweat so much and had so much heat on him that
his jersey was etched on the cold ground of lou's driveway. it was a
really awesome time. (P.S. I SHOULD'VE WON ALL OUR GAMES!! I will still
play you anywhere and anytime, biotch!)

tangent...here and there

uh....not really cool when you're in the men's room and the guy in the
stall has to constantly give out gasps of air, in relief of the "pain" that
he's going through. I mean...yeah, doin the #2 is relieving, but come on
dude....i don't wanna hear it every 5 seconds. (under breath)
"UUUghhh...oh yeah...oh god what did i eat?" "uuhh-ahhh....whoa...poopy
fresh..." UH...OKAY, STOP NOW!

please let us win the lotto! please let us win the lotto! please, please,
please!! if i win the lotto -- a. the movie is practically done. it's as
good as golden. b. masters degree and past education will be paid for.
dope. c. familia will get a share. d. new car. AND THAT'S IT. i
actually want to rest on my money for a little. no house. no moving to
hawaii or anything. i want to relax for a bit. and then make moves. and
then make investments. nothing rash man. that's how people lose money.
but of course, i will be eating my lunches at the nudey bar from now on
though....

documentary this, documentary that. check out the documentary site please!
answer my survey -- PLEASE!! http://www.that-asian-thing.blogspot.com

i will unload all my cell phone pics unto my blog later on this week. i
need to clear out some space mang....

tired....

I've been tired lately. I think it might be the change in weather. it's wierd how that really conducts the way our body acts. [on another note, i just saw albert pujols smash the crap outta the baseball in the houston-cards game - top o'da 9th.] which brings me to tangency - where did all these white sox fans appear from? weren't you a cubs fan like 2 or 3 years ago during the steve bartman era? MAN -- i can't believe that espn made one of those mini-documentaries about steve bartman and how he totally f*cked it all up for the cubs. not like beckett was a really awesome pitcher at that time or anything. UGH...enough about baseball...this is all i hear at work.

i now present a couple of pictures depicting my weekend. courtesy of my phone:



this is the random poster that hung over the urinal in the men's room at Martini Ranch where i downed like 12 shots and used vodka tonics as my chaser. starting at 9:30 p.m. -- i was down for the count by 1:30 a.m. My body ain't what it use to be. In college, I'd probably be good for another couple of shots and toke a lil' back at da batcave. But not at the big 2-7. Now, i need my sleepy time. weeeeeak!



This is the banner that looms over the ticketbooth of the Chicago International Film Festival. It's been awesome to watch a flick and do the q&a with the directors afterwards. So far 2 for 2 with questions to directors. i just get so intrigued and want to dip into their minds. the coolest question and answer was by the director of "Pale Eyes" (french flick). Someone was asking, "I just wanted to see if my interpretation..." and then the director stopped him cold and said, "You're right!" The director explained himself afterwards and said that people's interpretations of films are right no matter what. it's your own thoughts and movies are made to make viewers think. you create your own conclusions and that's what cool about it. sorta like when you read a book and see the image in your head and when you watch the movie adaptation, it just isn't as good. it's cause you interpreted it for yourself.

and that's that...