the eye-contact rule

is it wierd when someone keeps long eye contact with you? you're in
conversation with this person and no matter what, they keep straight eye
contact. sometimes i just have to turn away, but then i think that i'm
losing the "staring contest." and then when i'm talking, i dunno if i
should be consistant with their length of eye contact or keep with my usual
-- 10 second eye contact, then look away for a couple of seconds to think,
and then 10 seconds again. it just feels wierd when someone is staring
directly at you for so long...i mean, i'm right in front of you man, you
don't have to hit me up with your heat vision. "Aggh...my pupils, b*tch!
it's burning...it's burning...feels like green tobasco sauce was spit into
my eyes from the stomach of lucifer himself! ahhhhh!"

i think it's pretty proficient to do the look away every now and then.
however, sometimes it indicates a sign of weakness or lying. and you never
wanna come off that way....so, what are the real rules of eye-contact??

animal crackers

sometimes i really do wonder what animals are thinking:

-- Ostrich: "eeeRRR AgggHHH!!!! uhhhppfff!! ugh!" (plops out egg) "Geez!
that was a huge ass egg! Finally....i can run fast again! Runnn!!!"
(runs at a very fast speed) "bbbrrr...this fast running makes my head
cold." (plops head straight into dirt) "it's dark in here. mmmm...smells
like worms. did an ant just go up my nose? hee hee hee...that
tickles...."

-- Giraffe: "more tree leaves?? i'm sick of tree leaves, but everytime i
bend forward to eat things on the ground, i start to lose my balance.
ugh...this neck! i desperately need a neck massage. where's that little
monkey that likes to climb me thinking that i'm a tree?? that aroused me
so much. with such a long neck...i hate having a small penis..."

-- Pig: "Diiiiiiirrrrrttttt!! yes...yes...my skin is SOOOO soft! this is
the life girlfriend. i eat all i want and nobody thinks any different
cause i'm a pig AND i get mud baths everyday. the only annoying thing are
these flies that keep on landing on my ears. i wish i could touch my face.
but whatever.....i can just roll in the mud and hide. somebody shut that
crow up!"

-- Goldfish: "hey sweet, a castle! who put this here?" (swims for a
little bit) "whoa...oh snap, a castle! when did this get here??" (swims
in and out of it....goes to the top and comes back down) "Oh my god....is
this a castle? i love castles! has this always been here?"

--Monkey: "i'm so itchy. ooop, tree." (climbs tree easily) "it's a great
view from up here. why do i always crave bananas?!? those damn humans
have stereotyped us as banana eaters! i will have them know that i enjoy
more than just bananas! i like apples too! next time i see a human, i'm
telling his ass that. oh wait...there's one now...." (starts making
noises out of his mouth. the way monkey's sound.) "what the hell?? he
still threw me a banana! what an idiot! at least i got my banana.
uh...where's that giraffe?"

-- Computer: "Stop looking at me! all you do is look at me and read
things off my face. do i have something written on my face? ugh...my
tower body is getting kinda hot....can you make sure my fan is getting
exposed correctly? hello?? stop pulling my arm mouse around like that!!
can't you handle me with a little more care?? geez...you'd think i didn't
have any feelings or something..."

Randumb movie list cont'd

Continuing on with my "on-blog" sort out of my Randumb's Top Ten Best
Movies EVER!:

- 8 1/2 : a walk through the mind of a filmmaker by frederico fellini.
thought to have been his film biography at the time. also named after the
# film he has created. my favorite italian film and great use of metaphors
built within this "sometimes obscure" film.

- Breakfast Club: do i really need to explain this one? the true
beginning of every teenage movie ever made. this captures the
characterization of every teenager in every highschool across the nation
for eons and eons. john hughes made this into my favorite AMC, TBS, TNT,
USA movie to catch through a channel surf.

-A Christmas Story: a movie is a movie! even though this is geared
towards Christmas, its still one of the best movies out there. the main
character concentrates on one goal -- to obtain a red rider b.b. gun. one
method of screenplay writing is creating this goal for a character and
throwing in as many obstacles as possible in his/her path. this is a great
example of it. also a good example of how to use a voice over narration
correctly. sometimes voice-overs don't push the plot/story forward and
isn't needed. Christmas Story does it well.

-City Lights: Charlie Chaplin was the man. i know he's been compared here
and fro to buster keaton and i am deprived of keaton's works. however this
movie has always had a soft spot in my heart. silent movies rock when done
right. if anyone knows whatever is catagorized as the BEST silent movie
EVER made (and isn't hard as hell to find), please share with the class.

-Rope: no, not Psycho, or Vertigo, or Rear Window. my favorite hitchcock
film is Rope. No cuts! ...well...actually....alfred used camera trickery
to ensue no cuts....however, it worked. ALSO, probably one of his lower
budgetted films as it was filmed on an open set of just one apartment room.
a good example of how good writing and directing work hand in hand.

....and this is where we'll stop for now on this topic....

randumb morning procedures

-- The Passing Lane is on Your Left. my cousin will attest to this. what
i don't understand is WHY people don't realize that when there's this huge
space in front of you, either move up more or move to the right if you're
not going to pass the car to your right. sometimes its annoying when there
are 2 cars parallel to each other and going at the same speed, giving you
no option to pass. isn't this against the law or something....cause i know
there's some sort of passing lane rule. this is more annoying when its
rush hour too. people have to be smarter drivers sometimes!

-- Morning Conversation. is this necessary? you see the same person at
work for as long as you work there. YES, it's polite and a good way to
begin conversation...however, if we were to conversate straight into
immediate action or purposeful meaning, conversations would hold more
substance. topics could be initiated within 1 minute of speaking with that
person AND it would be so clutch if you could stop it and say, "don't like
this topic, i'm moving along now. we'll try another one later." wouldn't
it be easier than having to listen to something you really don't have any
opinion about or something you're just not interested in at the momemt?
(in a wierd way...it would be like real life blog on the net....if i don't
like the topic, i just click on next blog on your top right hand corner.
uh...but don't do it here. finish reading me first...heehehehehe.)

--Eat Now. yeah, yeah...so i've turned into one of those people that
actually feels bad when i eat too much. i'll say to myself,
"gawd....you're such a fat ass. stop eating, fatty!" BUT eating in the
morning isn't that bad if you exercise and actually move around at work
because you can burn it throughout the day. i'm not saying i plop a
jillion pancakes and 20 donuts before i indulge on hot chocolate and french
vanilla coffee....what i do eat is still somewhat okay. i'll grab some
fruit and maybe 1 donut with some V8 and Tropicana w/calcium.

ugh...now that i'm reading this...i've turned into a health freak!
yuck....f*ck that man...just eat what you want and exercise. case closed.

"oh what a beautiful morning....oh what a beautiful day....."

mark it on your calender

just an update on your timeline for the life of jude reyes. (i'm not sure how many of you are keeping track as much as i have.) I hit the high point of my amateur running career. When at once, it was just something to do to keep weight off, it has become my own personal escape from the world. I HIT 5 MILES. 5 MILES. DOPE...

the pics were taken afterwards as my only proof. i took pictures of my sweat drenched shirt. the only other proof that i might have are the people who were lifting weights and watching me pass by 30 times (6 times around the track equals 5 miles) in 50 minutes (...gyeah! 10 minutes a mile..werd!). i'm sure they thought, "is this kid STILL running? gawd...stop already Rocky..."

for people that might have known the old me...i'm still here...speakin my illmatic jive werds of wisdom. but i'm just a little skinny and just have this cool little accomplishment (...at least it is for me).

i was SO tired, but it felt good to realize that i ran that long. i literally started mumbling motivation under my breath as i was around the 4 mile mark ("...*huff*puff* come on...you mother...f*cker...*huff*puff*...f*ckin sh*t...let's go..")

now all i want to do is sleep....

"Best" is such a strong werd....

Randumb best Movies list:

I was a Cinema Studies major in college. When I went to 2nd City, movies
were our back-up teachers to demonstrating
writing techniques. Movies have been fed to me since forever and a day.
I'm no expert, nor do I try to be. BUT, I do try to hold
intellectual conversations about film/cinema. My mind goes through a
whirlwind when I really do concentrate on a movie (i try to
interpret everything to a tee). I will take everything and anything into
consideration, as far as metaphor/analogies/symbolizations
to plot/directing/colors and even costumes/set design/film quality is
concerned. Films can tell you a giant story with little things that
the director/writer can only wish for you to pick up. Sometimes watching
movies is work for me...but I enjoy it dearly. SO NOW, i will
list some movies...not ALL, that I have been considering to put into my
ALL-TIME TOP TEN (which can always change when another
great one comes along). Here we go:

(...also with mini comments about the movie)

-Donnie Darko: just a good screenplay about true teen angst.

-Goodfellas: I'm a Scorsese follower. the man is a genius. what i love
about him is that he's a film fan too.

-Pulp Fiction: personally, Tarantino's best. the kill bills were good,
but THIS is where it started.
fully established after playing around with True Romance and Reservoir
Dogs.

-Star Wars: sorry Star Wars fanatics, i know this isn't the best of the 2
trilogies (which i've heard to be Return of the Jedi...right?).
but this movie just sets up everything in star wars universe. AND it is
theeee defnition of good vs. evil in ALL aspects.

-Something About Mary: sorry, but an all time top ten list should at least
have a cover of most mediums, generes, categories...yada yada.
i 'think' this is one of the funniest movies i've seen...till i can
remember another one.

-Royal Tennanbaums: there's just something about the way that this movie
was delivered and how heartfelt it was.

-American Beauty: the man that brought you 6 Feet Under. such a great
film in terms of fully fleshed out characters.
yes, nothing special about the premise -- a disfunctional family...BUT,
it's a good example of CHANGE, which is one of the most
important keys to any good sketch/scene.

-Lord of the Rings: Return of the King: i don't know if this was just a
long awaited finish that made it more than what it was
OR if i'm obsessed with hobbits.

....more to come on this....

try it out if it doesn't kill you

my girlfriend gave me these chocolates that are from her sister-in-law's
sister. it's from poland. I ate one last night and wasn't sure about the
texture. the outer coating is like this moccha chocolate, but the inside
was like gel formation of a marshmellow flavor. it didn't taste funny, but
the texture was just wierd in my mouth. my girlfriend doesn't eat sweets,
so she gave it to me. i figure i just bring it to work and let the
"people" eat them. my desk is part of a 4 person cubicle. we're one of
those cubicles that people like to visit and we have candy or chocolates
out in the open for visitors to indulge on. SO...this morning i put it out
for the crows to pick on, but i guess the way i explained it didn't make it
very enticing. "my girlfriend's sister-in-law gave me these chocolates.
they're from poland. i had one last night...it was
pretty...eh...eh....it's okay. try it. see if you like it." nobody
wanted to try it. it's been out for 3 hours now and no one has tried it.
i also remember them being wierded out by sushi when someone brought it in
for them to try. me personally...if it isn't crap and it doesn't smell
funky as hell...i would want to create an opinion of my own. sure there
are things that i won't try...but of course it would be depending on the
situation otherwise, i'm not that scared. i'll try it out as long as it
doesn't kill me. you only live once man....why not?! i don't want to get
to an age and wish that i had done all these things when i was younger.
I'm still missing out on traveling. that's something i want to do a lot
of, but money (the source of all evil) makes me not do this. i wish i
could go to amsterdam, phillippines, london, ireland, germany, italy, etc.
etc.

like nike -- "JUST DO IT!"

is it safe?

I'm always "trying" to cut corners and save money where I can. (emphases on "trying" because splurging gets in the way.) So when I need to buy groceries, sometimes expensive name brands will push me closer to supermarket deals. I think this is something that I've learned from going to college and being a broke-ass frat boy. nothing like budding ham! HOWEVER, one would venture to question the quality of some of these cheap finds, which is why i'm questioning the Dollar Store. You know the Dollar Store -- they're all over the nation. Where everything in that store is ONE DOLLAR. and they have deals like 2 for TWO DOLLARS! what a deal!! but seriously, some of the items they have in there look pretty legit. I'm not doubting the store and the objective at hand here (that they're selling things at a cheap ass rate). What i'm questioning is how safe are these things or how long do they last for? If i buy it, do i have to use it right away before it turns into dust. Then i just have dollar dust (as opposed to Bill Gates' 100 dollar dust). And then they have some of the same things in the normal grocery store for more than one dollar. how did Dollar Store get a break from that food company to sell their food at only one dollar a pop? I mean...they have name brand stuff at Marshalls and T.J. Maxx cause there's a little deformation to it. "See this Sean Jean jacket I'm wearin?! Check it out...i'm hot...MAD HOT! but just ignore that orange paint mark on the bottom back and the hole up by the collar....s'all good...s'all good...." S'all TACKY, biatch! SO...is Dollar Store food safe?

guys = dogs & girls = cats

Guys = Dogs because....

...we like to hump anything and everything. True statement, especially
when you're 13 years old and that pillow between your legs gets mighty
warm. Imagination goes a long way (as well as Vaseline and your hand).

Girls = Cats because....

....when you "pet" them in the right spot, they moan in a way that sounds
like a purrrrrrr. "Pet" could mean many different things -- a sensual
kiss, a good massage, or a poke in the right 'spot.'

Guys = Dogs because.....

....of comments like the last one. Dogs sometimes don't care and do
whatever they want unless they're properly trained. (I'm ALWAYS being
trained...Errrr!)

Girls = Cats because....

....you never think they poop, but they do. They just hide it better like
a cat burying it under all that kitty litter. They (cats) also sneak in
farts and walk away, making you question the person sitting next to you.
Girls do this too...they release, smile, and walk away...making you
question the person sitting next to you.

Guys = Dogs because.....

....you know when a guy/dog poops. Dog poop is out in the open and you can
smell it if you step in it. When a guy comes out of the bathroom, the
person knows if that dude took a crap or not. If the Plug-In isn't workin
and Lysol isn't handy...that guy has left you a little air present.

Any others y'all can think of??

evite invitational r.s.v.p.

Evites are wierd to me. I use to send out personal emails to everyone
asking if they can come and attend this thing i'm throwing. NOW, i send
out evites to just send out invitations in mass quantities. wasn't that
what cc: was all about? what -- there's no cool link, picture, or ad
banner blinking in your face to distract you from the actual words of
invitation? of course i'm not putting down evite whole
heartedly...obviously i still use it and try to make it as creative as
possible. HOWEVER, sometimes it feels like a mini popularity poll. like
if you don't get enough "yes" to attend your event, you feel like crap...as
if you didn't win. OR if people don't respond as quickly as you would hope
they would...you could think that they're saying to themselves,
"ooooh...cool...an evite..." CLICK. The person reads it to him/herself.
thought is, "Hmmmm...jonald's birthday, huh? uh....not too sure. gotta
check out what else might be going on...OH MAN...hold up...season premiere
of COPS: Mardi Gras...i can't miss that shiet!" AND THEN there are the
people that don't even respond. DUDE, i wrote the evite -- i know when and
if you view it. at least tell me if you're going or not. i'm guilty of
this too, but it only stems from people that aren't that close to me.
somehow after meeting them through a friend of a friend 4 months ago...i'm
honored to get an evite from this person that i don't even know. sweeet.

randumb evite....

Randumb Reazoning

Reason #84 to plan your own birthday: YOU have the power of who to invite
and who NOT to invite. Sorry...someone's gotta be the bad guy. It's MY
party and I'll cry (or invite) who I want to....

Reason #124 to picking good players for fantasy football: you don't have
to do as much homework throughout the season and hunt for anyone that can
give you just a smidget more points towards a win. it gets even harder
when you have so many teams playing and limited amount of good players out
there. gotta utilize that trading system....

Reason #321 to take advantage of your birthday: a free meal! FINALLY, a
free meal should be on your way. for some reason this becomes so valuable
when you get older because you have a job and you should be buying your own
food. why would anyone get you a free meal? for a pleasant surprise and
to just be nice? HA...come on...gimmie a break. who does that anymore?
(...and j boy slowly raises his hand in the back of the classroom....)

Reason #24 to have as many urinal cakes in the mens' bathroom as possible:
to cover up the rancid smell that some of you guys release! geez...what
did you eat and/or kill up your ass?! i almost sufficated 10 minutes ago
and just wanted to yell out to the guy in the stall, "ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT!
YOU WIN! YOU WIN!! I give up..." and just start crying.....

i also use my blog as a reminder....

Since we at blogger.com have the power to post from our email, I figure why
not use it to my advantage and post up things/finds that I am interested in
doing. Not only would it be a plug for that place/event BUT it might be
somthing that my readers are interested in doing (and if they get to it
before I do, hopefully they can drop a comment on whether it's worth it or
not). That's my take and I'm stickin to it. Therefore, this first one is
something that I seriously need soon. My neck hurts so bad...I think I
sleep wrong. Is there some kind of "correct position" for sleeping?

Chicago School of Massage Therapy
1300 W. Belmont Ave.
773-880-1397

Release stress and relax -- no matter what your budget. Professional
massages for $70 an hour. Student massages for $40 an hour.

Hours: Professional: 9:30 a.m.-6:30 p.m. Monday to Friday; 9:30 a.m.-6 p.m.
Saturday; 9:30 a.m.-5:30 p.m. Sunday. Student: 3:30-6:30 p.m. Monday,
Tuesday; 9:30 a.m.-6:30 p.m. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday; 9:30 a.m.-6 p.m.
Saturday; 9:30 a.m.-5:30 p.m. Sunday

REVIEW: Broken Flowers

so i figure i start reviewing movies that i watch cause i watch a crapload of movies. also, sometimes i get too intricate with detail and interpretation that (not to be an elitist) the people i talk to don't understand what i'm talking about or didn't see that coming at all.

today, i'm talkin about Broken Flowers starring Bill Murray. Bill Murray plays this character who's like an old-school Don Juan Demarco (which is tremendously referenced throughout the movie). He gets a letter from an anonymous old flame telling him that he impregnated her 20 years ago and now his 19 year old son is supposedly out and about looking to find his father. Don Johnston (Murray) is persuaded from his friend, Winston, to go on this quest of finding out who the anonymous letter writer is.

i thought this movie was like a very relaxing massage while being pushed through an art museum. in other words, there were many moments of pondering by murray's character where it didn't really push the story forward, rather it established murray's character some more. a flaw in terms of writing, but it does work to its advantage. and if you're not sure what i'm talking about, check out Murray's movie before -- Lost in Translation. Translation also has many scenes with no dialogue but where the character is contemplating their situation.

each "suspect" introduces an intresting twist to murray's search. mixed with subtle, "everyday" humor, murray plays this character to a tee (which actually not be far fetched from his own life -- a mini-mid life crisis for an elder man, also known for the reason why Godfather 3 was made). this is a good date movie or a relaxing sunday flick matinee. the end.

i can complain too

i try not to be a big complainer. in fact, i tell more jokes about my complaints rather than going off on something that i dislike. it might've been from the teachings at 2nd city -- to embellish the folly. so, i take what's wrong and bring it to the next degree to make it more of a joke. HOWEVER, i can complain too..

-i write for Chicago Hotlist and am always looking for more writers to jump onboard. the difficult part of this job is that i don't get paid, therefore i can't pay writers. in our day and age, most people don't get motivated unless its for a good cause and sadly enough, their drug is money. don't get me wrong, if Chicago Hotlist were making me money, I'd probably do it way more often. SO...why keep on going? because it's still a business and has the potential TO make money. like a jillion writers that've walked this earth, they've worked on their craft by doing acts of free artistic sharing. this is where i am. i'm dishing out way more than getting back, in hopes and wishes that some publisher/writing company out there comes across this website and says, "this guy has some chops...let's give him a chance." OR in other hopes that people that also freelance come across the website and say, "i wanna write for this website. i can throw him a freebee w/out a problem..." BUT stuff like this is imaginary or few and far between. what i can do is to not stop. imma keep on goin man...cause determination is what gets people to where they want to go. i want to write and this is where i want to go.

-i'm a screenplay writer. i'm working on my 2nd full screenplay. like many other screenplay writers, i've got about 3 or 4 other potential screenplays that i've written up to around page 30'ish or 40'ish. then i would stop, reread and tell myself that its crap. most of the time, i'm right. other times, i just don't know...but i do know that it wasn't something that i wanted to complete. i know, i know...keep on going cause you never know. its probably theee artistic complex where you're your own worst critic. however, i really want this screenplay to be my savior. to be the one that can get me outta dodge. right now, its a VERY SLOW process but i think that its way better than my previous screenplay journeys. just like the prior -- just gotta keep on goin. YOU CAN'T STOP!

...who is destined for greatness? let's find out...

supposedly pictures from hurricane katrina

Are these real? I don't know...you can do a lot with adobe. i got these forwarded to me. pretty ill if they are.

building etiquette

2 randumb thoughts for the randumbly random person:

-- something that i've noticed buildings have more of since i've lived in
chicago are the revolving doors. this is some secret ploy to get us to
burn at least 3 calories before we start our day. and on some days, they
add a little more resistance to it by not oiling it up or whatever magic
sauce is needed to make it revolve at an easier push. my little jokey joke
is letting someone go through it before me, knowing that it's the beginning
of the day and energy is not exactly up to par, and when he/she starts to
give their little push, i come after him/her and push as hard as i can,
making them move faster. yeah, yeah...i'm that a**hole...but
realistically, i'm just creating an evil joke in my mind. bwooohahahhahaa!

-- elevator standing. so...a bunch of people will wait for an elevator.
DING! a nice, empty one shows up to provide our upward transportation.
what i don't understand are the people that don't know where to stand in
the elevator OR they just won't move to any other spot besides their
"favorite" spot or something. people have this need to get in and out of
it as quick as possible. are you really in that much of a hurry to get to
work? sure...there are morning meetings, appointments, deadlines...yada
yada...but come on! you have no control over the speed of the elevator nor
are you gonna save any much as 1 second if you're standing closer to the
sliding elevator doors when they get to your floor. chill out! AND THEN,
there are the people that stand right in the middle of the elevator box.
when everyone is trying to pile in because they don't want to wait for the
next available one, there's this one jerk that's gotta stand right in the
middle of the thing. that's like when you're looking for parking and a car
takes up two spaces on the side of the street and you know if that dumbass
had moved just a couple of more inches back or forth, you could fit in
there. makes ya wanna "Errrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!"

time for more pure unnatural energy called cappuccino....

p.s. if you're ever wondering why my spacing is wacky - it's because thru
advanced technology, i'm posting through my email!! ooooooh...fancy...

he ain't gay....he's a pimp!

Was Aquaman a strong character? I mean...was he ONLY strong in water? he
must be strong out of water too in order to be somewhat of a superhero. If
he fights villians in water, the resistance he gets from throwing a punch
under water must make his normal punches super human. maybe even more
powerful than batman...dare i say! (but not as smart a fighter probably.)
I'm just venturing cause everyone always makes fun of Aquaman. he's always
wearing the tights and stuff. he's got the blond locks with the blue eyes
and he's sorta feminine-esque. BUT you know what i think -- he's just
metro, man. he's probably an underwater pimp -- kickin it to all the
mer-ladies. you know how freaky those sea creatures are?! look at Ariel,
the Little Mermaid. She would've taken it up the backdoor if she were
given the power of going back and forth with legs and fins. imagine what
else she would do.....

gods will is....

.....for the end of the world to come in terms of natural disasters. at
first, my theory was racial wars because it was a backlash of how american
history was sorta messed up w/slavery and all that. but then i wasn't sure
where asian people would go -- they would sorta just hate on each other for
having better video gaming systems and that's how that race would end. SO,
now i believe its rain, thunder, hurricanes, snow, etc. etc. and the root
of all this are those damn polar caps not staying cold. gods chillin above
heaven, controlling the planets with his RCA universal remote control
planet mover and making the sun get closer to the earth cause venus and
mars are messing up the cool orbiting that mercury has. "this planet bores
me..." as god yawns and pops another Heavenly No Doze. It's like model
trains to him. Hence all these tropical storms/hurricanes putting cities
under water. it's gonna change the whole world into one huge drop of water
that'll get evaporated in 100 years...STARTING NOW!

are you serious about...

.....company audits? my day job work company is going through an audit and
now that i'm working hand and hand with the big wigs, I have to be more
presentable and ready for questioning. they will be doing random checks
here and there. "ahem...AHEM! excuse me...Mr. Reyes?"
"huh...wha....oh..OH, yes?" as I quickly pick my head up from nap time
between the piled up file folders on my desk and wipe the crust of dried
drool on my cheek. "we're doing a routine check and well...you're gonna
have to come with me...." wearing his nicely pressed suit, he leads me
down the hall. i look at people staring back at me like i did something
wrong. i think to myself -- 'you're not suppose to sleep at work?
wierd...they let you do it in kindergarten...damn the school system!' then
he brings me into the men's room where there's another man in a finely
pressed suit awaiting. "Mr. Reyes, you've been picked to take a cavity
test. Please take off your pants as we're going to have to search your
colon." NOOOOO!!! "I'm a giver not a taker man!! i already pooped out my
bags of crack for ray ray! you gotta believe me dude!" ....are you
serious? (no...but audits suck.)

are you serious about...

.....chubby chicks being shy about eating? yeah, yeah...i know about low
self esteem and about feeling fat when i eat around skinny people who say,
"oh no...i'll just drink my water. that has too many carbs." i was
there...but now i run 3 miles at least 2 times a week and still eat
whatever i want. you just gotta exercise man. maybe you don't have enough
time in your day. i know the feeling. so i sacrifice sleep. i work on
about 6 hours of sleep cause of my day job, updating mutliple websites,
hanging out with my girlfriend, and working on my screenplay. might as
well do it while my body can handle it. that's why i drink 3 beers before
i go into work and smoke a j before i hit the gym. like i said...do it
while my doby cam hamble ib. did i slurrrp? uagh...must be drunka
agaaine.... BUT REALLY...are you serious?

are you serious about.....

....rebecca romaine marrying the fat kid from "Stand By Me" (which is still
a kick ass movie!)??? Jerry O'Connell was also good in "Can't Hardly
Wait." If you didn't catch it in the movie, his fraternity shirt was Delta
Iota Kappa (DIK - head). anyways, back to the subject...WHAT -- hot lady
getting with lame guys?? first Uncle Jessie of the Rippers who made one
hit song cause he collaborated with the Beach Boys during an era of music
when Jon Secada was a chart buster. NOW, the kid from My Secret Identity
who's been pigeon holed to play the "Dude, GIMMIE A BEER!" character in
every movie he's in. are you serious?

unnecessary....

.....as birthday party planning continues.......

SO, i just called martini ranch -- the dude was a complete d*ckhead! i
asked, "hi...i was just wondering if you had any packages for birthday
parties?" and then he was like, "yes we do." and then that was it...he
didin't continue on. so i said, "well...do you have any sorta listing or
website i can go to?" and he mumbled, "martiniranch.com." so then i
asked, "do they have the prices on there?" and then he was like, "well,
did you have a particular party in mind?" and so i REPEATED, "yeah...well,
i wanted to know if you had any drinking deals for a BIRTHDAY celebration?"
and then the frickin j*rkoff goes, "so you DO have a party in mind
or....???" and then i just repeated it again, "do you have any package
deals for a BIRTH-DAY party?" not picking up my voice, not being
mean...but getting annoyed with his approach....he chuckles and says again
"yeah. we do." and then he's waiting again for a response!! WTF?! so i
say, "well...." and he interrupts me and says, "did you check the website
yet?" hey d*pshiet...you just gave me the web addie like 20 seconds
ago...when did i have time to?! i said, "no...but you have prices on
there?" and then he says, "yeah." BUT i'm sure he said that to get me off
the phone. "fine. thank you." the end. what a prick!!

and now i checked the website -- martiniranch.com is for martini ranch in
dallas. and after google searching and checking chicago websites to find a
link, i don't see anything. eeerrrrrrrr!!

should we still have it there anyways or go to another place upon
principle? i could care either way cause it's still a nice place (and i'm
gonna drink this away anyways), but i'm not calling that place again. what
do you do....what do you do.....

this is how my mind works

randumb thoughts:

1.) office stuff. well, since i work in an office environment, i
obviously come across office supplies on a regular basis. I've even went
as far as to conjure up questions like -- what's your favorite office
supply to use? or what office supply can you not live without? or which
office supply do you like to lube up and take with you to the
bathrooooo....uh...forget that one. ANYWAY...my question of the day is the
brown (sometimes manila) inter-office envelope. you know, the 8 1/2 by 11
size (...ugh...you know you've worked too long in an office when you know
sizes). well...what's the deal with the holes in them? is that to make
sure there's really paper inside and not "special packages??" or is it to
let the paper breathe -- making sure your ink marks dry before the next
person grabs a hold of them. UNLESS, when they were first invented, there
weren't any holes and people back in the day -- we'll say the pilgrims --
those crazy pilgrims were sending pre-named noticable anthrax to each
other. Pilgrims started to die from it, but the sender was laughing a muck
cause he was like Jokey Smurf and like to hurt people as his brand of
humor. Then someone got smart (we'll say an Indian that works in the
company) and said, "me make hole in package. how....get on it, Running
Wolf....a.s.a.p." AND THUS, we have holes in inter-office envelopes.

2.) The ear cleanser. Aren't Q-Tips the most awesome, cleansing,
soothing, profound tool to use after getting out of the shower?? and when
you don't use it, you don't feel complete. Q-Tips -- you complete me!

3.) NOOOOOOO!! i think i might have to give up gum chewing. i like gum
too. the reason: i have a severe case of TMJ (...google it if you don't
know...). it has to deal with a dislocation in your jaw and things not
lining up right. you can actually hear it when i yawn or open my mouth all
the way. i believe you can't really have an operation or anything -- it's
suppose to be one of those self-healing things. sorta like wolverine and
how he has the ability to self-heal after getting wounded performing his
berzerker attack! (**cough**NERD!!**cough**) i need to do this though
cause i'm scared that my jaw will lock up on me one day. i've had minor
instances where it's almost happened. not fun stuff. you feel paralyzed
and when you try to move (in this case, when i try to close my jaw) there's
only PAIN. so line up and see the clicking jaw before it disappears!!

and now back to your regularly scheduled life......

this is creepy

sure we could always use more money. and yes, sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. but would you do this:

Sell Your Soul

HEY -- someone out there do it and tell me what happens. how the heck do they grab your soul -- "okay, mr. smith. just urinate into this glass jar over the magic powder that i slowly placed in there while walking backwards in a circle and saying 'lucifer rules!' twenty times. it shouldn't hurt. trust me...i'm the devil..."

"and in the end, the luv u take is equal to the luv you make...."

[circa beatles, abbey road]

SO...i love her. big deal. is it? i mean i've been in the mix of this
escapade for a year now and the image embedded into my mind is her.
whatever, whatever...mushy, mushy...yada yada. what's the point? the
point is....

where'd everybody go? during my fraternity years, when any of my bros were
"free" from their girlfriend, we had a blast! we use to rag on him for
being whooped, but we showed him what he was missing. we welcomed him back
into a club that he never really lost membership in. you know why? cause
your boys are suppose to be your boys. they're suppose to understand that
your mind is evolving/maturing/understanding the depths of the opposite
sex. wasn't that the goal of this process? wasn't this the point of going
out to the bars all the time? to find someone that would be intrigued with
your well being and take forth in a journey that consisted of S.E.S.
(Sleeping, Eating, and Sex)? right?

of course, i am guilty of being out of the "fun." but if people know me
well enough, they should know that i'm strong minded in my ways. at first,
yes it was confusion and angst mixed with tid bits of
anger/frustration...so everyone is always looking out for you and telling
you to "bail man. get outta that if you're feeling like that." however,
i'm always looking for the good in people and if i can find a little
shining, i want to expose it for as much as its worth. i like to make
people laugh, smile or even think, "well...my day wasn't as terrible as i
thought." and it just so happened that i stubbled unto a relationship.
truthfully, i didn't think i'd still be in the thick of things. but nobody
should ever know how it will happen cause it takes away the spontaniety of
the project. just like no one should ever know how it (if it) ends as
well....

continuing on. i'm not an elitist. if i'm free to do "fun" things, i
don't expect people to drop what their doing to hang out with me. but
don't make me feel like crap for doing what i've been doing. i'm sorry...i
apologize. but when you rethink of that event, do YOU regret that I didn't
come? and if you did...why? PEOPLE -- don't forget, you make things out
to be the way they are in life by your own actions. if you thought you
didn't have a good time cause I, ME, MYSELF wasn't there then maybe its
time to rethink your own strategy of fun. but again...i'm sorry i missed
out if i did, but i had "to see about a girl."

if you miss someone, tell that person you miss them. it's suppose to be a
good thing to do, not a bad one...and if you get made fun of
it...gawd...who cares -- go back to 5th grade if you feel wierd about it.
be secure with your thoughts, feelings, and make your spine stronger. it
makes things less stressful in life if you get it off your chest....(my
example is this entry).

now what?

where to begin and when to end

this is the beginning of something new. i already write so much throughout my day that i'm not really sure why i'm starting a blog. this is more for my friends and family that don't see me so much and wonder..."gee...what's j (jonald) doing?" and then they can think for a minute with their mouth open and eyes rolled up to say outloud, "Let me check his blog!" eureka!!

hopefully they'll remember the address though. if they know me well enough, they should remember how random my ass is and then get tangent with that. "it's that random name. what the hell is it? random blog.com or thing-uh-ma-jig.com or some shizz-nizzle.com. what the f*ck? ugh...isn't there some reality t.v. show i can watch instead of thinking of this?"

as you may also see...i think in dialogue format. i can't help it. it stems from my childhood and being brought up by my babysitter. many of you might know him. he's sometimes called Sony or Zenith or Emerson. he's square and most people put him in their living room. his slave name is Television. i like to call him "nanna."

well....this should be an interesting joyride for you all. dig deep into my mind and truly try to find the understanding and reason for my well being. (cause lord knows i'm still lookin for it as well.) don't hesitate to leave me a comment and be on the lookout for something big in the future. (what that will be...well....you'll just have to wait and find out. now won't you...)

see ya on the dark side of the moon....