what a day for a daybreak

it's frigid outside.  and i'm not talking "ooh, that's cold", i'm talkin "dang....the balls just headed up north!"  

christmas is around the corner and i haven't completed the severe task of purchasing christmas presents.  i'm usually pretty good with this in past years, but for some reason this year has been difficult.  don't get me wrong - the internet makes it so frickin easy for any fat man to sit on his couch, surf the web and buy stuff online.  but i think for me, it's been the hunt to find the "right" present.  unlike most "dudes," i put an overwhelming amount of thought into my present picking.  i think this saves on cost for me, because if you think about it - me buying a person that loves to cook a brand new, state of the art cuisinart spatula (for example), would probably be better than some expensive macy's hand towels or lovey dovey flower smelling hand soap.  ya catch my thinking?  it really is the thought that counts.  not the thought of me thinking of just giving you a present, but the thought of me actually putting thought into what i should be giving you.  

it shows that i actually do 'know' you and i actually give a daym about what you think is cool.  and that, my friends, is what's cool during christmas.  it's a good time to test who actually knows you, vs. who just wants to be close to you for when you win the lotto.  

tangent - when did it become professional unacceptable to randomly sing during work?  i thought offices always liked when employees kept a positive attitude and displayed good energy.  playing music and random singing has always been an emotionally associated action.  i can't really sing well, but to the people that really know me - i'm like this jukebox that can stay on random play for hours.  i just let it out.  it's funny cause it's completely random.  my head is always full of songs throughout the day and sometimes, i just wanna sing.  my girlfriend can vouche for the entertainment that i provide through the bathroom door during showers.  there's no theme, but i wish i knew more words to more songs.  yeah, yeah - i'm guilty of being that guy that only knows the refrain/chorus to songs.  but amazingly, if i'm on top of my game, i can pinpoint song names and the person/band that sings in within two or three notes into the song.  i swear this!  just something i picked up along the way.  

okay....i'm done killing time now.  

unload mental stability

i hate late sunday nights. maybe because work doesn't justify the creativity that urges out of my mind. from that, i don't have the necessary practice of my true love of an art. 'creative writing' is beautiful. not to sound like a mr. sensitive type, but it's very endearing and completely moving to take words (of any language) and move them into positions that can conjure up the feelings of man. with the mighty pen and marks of truth, i can make people cry, laugh, and simply think. however, my occupation doesn't take advantage of that want that i have to unload that truth. everything i write i work is uniform, justified, and support by cold facts where no room for imagination can play. i've always thought writing as an art was like answering an open ended question that can only be graded as pass or fail with the teaching being the audience member who reads. however, my job has taught me that writing can also be a mathematical equation where there is a right and a wrong that is formed by the correct terminology inserted in the correct spots otherwise the incorrect positioning can create the serious consequences when trying to pass as true. heavy thought - i know, but that absence of creativity and only practicing the mathematical equation makes for complete boredom. yeah - it's my personal opinion, but i dig it.

so sunday nights make me ponder this as i need to retreat to bed early enough to carry on the life of an "adult." can you believe that being an "adult" can be stereotypical? it's true. being an adult means drinking coffee in the morning, dressing in "work clothes" (otherwise known as 'business' or 'business casual' attire - gimmie a break....), speaking in proper etiquette terminology with words that contain more than 2 syllables, asking people "how's it going?" and answering back with "fine" without even thinking it, and continuing that cliche saying of this "grind" to "pay the bills" and making "another day another dollar" - BLA! that's an adult!

but then again, sometimes i do like being the 'adult' rather than being a kid or a "teenager." YES - did think i wouldn't speak of the other end of the spectrum by saying that being a 'teenager' can be stereotyped as well? well it can and it's actually of innocent magnitude. as an adult, we tend to forget how that teenager that we once were was innocent meaning he/she didn't know better. although very guilty of bad things, it's always just a trying time to figure out 'what the fuck is going on?' or in their language - "wtf?" so being a teenager means not having a true grasp of your feelings and having these urges that need to be embellished and spoken out, the need to either fit in or to completely stay away from everyone, the misunderstanding of parental units or authoritative figures and the cool of rebelling!, and also just the lingo to whatever is hip. the one thing that i miss about being a teenager the most is being indulged in music ALL the time. not that i can't do it now, but it actually does take time to pick up new sounds and listen to new bands or try to find new music. i just don't have the time, which is another thing that can get chaulked up under being an 'adult.'

don't forget that these are stereotypes of these age affiliated words. anyone can be anything and act in anyway, but this is how society sees these people. if that person doesn't act correct to their age, then people always have to demeanor their true opinion of the person according to the situation at hand.

there's your long awaited, new random lesson....

good golly miss molly

You know I couldn't stay away for a whole year!! I apologize to the
blogger-stalker nation for not dropping current knowledge of my mind leaks.
It's been a busy bee couple of months and freedom felt like a non-existant
oasis. However - I've finally got a handle of the different foods on my
plate to be able to now share some thoughts that have been tickling my mind
of recent. I hope you enjoy reading forward and as an incentive bonus,
I'll also be sharing a bit of knowledge regarding an on-line film
competition that my documentary is part of. WOOOO HOOOO!!!

random go:

-would it be wierd if "a guy" said to another "guy" in the bathroom, while
releasing toxins at the urinals - "wow man - i smell some good poopin. you
smell that?" I think we would relinquish any form of taboo or awkward
feeling if we finally admitted that our bodies release smelly gases and
human body waste. I mean - let's grow up for a second! - I try to stay
away from the blue humor, but isn't it natural that we do these things??
So why can't we talk about it? Same thing about sex, but that's for
another blog post.

-i've been reading up on this thing called "metaverse." The term is
basically the upcoming digitized universe where interaction takes place
online through created avatars and digitzed versions of people. Can we
make it anymore easier for our children to not interact with real life?!?!
And we complain about how we've become a heavier nation! It's because of
things like this that kids don't know how to talk in front of people, get
shy, sit in front of computer screens all day, ruin their eyes, and get
their wrist bones all sorts of hurtin. Don't get me wrong - I do see the
upside to ideas like this and do applaud how technology just advanced again
5 seconds ago and just did it again right now (and again, right now). But
I think we need to control how things like this get exposed and/or make it
less easy for younger generations to advance at a quicker pace. I've
always felt that the better workers in society are the ones that have
actually gotten their hands dirty and gone through the nity grity
experience that was needed to get conquered for advancement.

Now that i've gotten your fists pumping with social power and bringing back
the old school, i'm going to hurt your heart by saying that this metaverse
is pretty strong. it may be coming sooner than people think and i do
advice on preparation. therefore - start by drawing a picture of yourself
and only communicate to other people by using it like a puppet. it will be
one step closer to how it may be in 10 more years.

-i'm sore from moving yesterday. that's all - i'm just hurt.

be well, my kiddies! and tell your friends that they're the coolest and
tell your family (well - the ones you like) that they rock cause something
people just need to hear that stuff.

i sing the song of random

ya know - I have not written positive affirmation on this thing as of the
new year. so today's blog posting will be dedicated to quick and quirky
random jive from sir blab-o-lot! enjoy it (in your face!)!

--what's the deal with swiss bank accounts? i think even when i was a kid,
it was a joke on prime time television sitcoms to have a 'swiss bank
account.' is it because since they're neutral on war, that they're money
growth per capita is greater than the now powerful euro? is chocolate
really THAT valuable that if you invest in their bank you not only get
great interest rate, but bonus box of chocolates (even WITH the map of
what's inside the chocolates!)?

-speaking of swiss and chocolate (or even less cliche - speaking of
underware and cigarettes), swiss miss, quick, bosco, ovaltine, or any other
form of chocolate mix drink - what's better - adding water or milk?? i
think it goes by which one you're making - hot chocolate or chocolate milk.
because in retrospect, if you're making chocolate milk with water, then
it's not really chocolate milk, it's chocolate water. and if that's the
case, might as well add DIRT cause that's what it'll taste like!

-speaking of fondue and mrs. field's cookies - i've been addicted to
'instant watching' on my netflix account. god - does anyone else have
this!?!? this is so cool. so the deal here is if you have a netflix
account, not only do you get your dvd's in the mail with no late fees, but
you also can watch films that netflix has uploaded in their superior
databank to watch instantly over the web. if you have great resolution and
a nifty speed on the internet highway, it's game on! (and this is my plug
for netflix - AGAIN! i'm still waiting for compensation!)

-speaking of robots of the future and neo soul music - i want to learn to
speak german. doesn't everyone?! i'm going to learn. that's all.

-speaking of spank me whips and sugar free hot mocha frappacino - tell me
you'll continue this game later on, eh?1

enjoy your day!

to you, and you, and you

This is a letter of remorse, honesty, and the will to endure what needs to
be done in order to move forward with personal goals.

To whom it may concern-

I can no longer give into feeling unnecessary guilt for not being a better
person to you. My apologies are due for not giving you the such essential
time you need in order to be fulfilled with my presence. However, I want
to gesture reasoning on the behalf of people that get our of comfort zones.
The motives you carry are needs to use social events such as restaurants,
bars, clubs, or overwhelming get togethers as a cover up for not
challenging your intellect.

WAIT - I have no means of insult nor am I trying to degrade you to a class
that seems lower to me. I'm nothing special and my upbringing is far from
elite situations which hopefully keep me down to earth and easy to
understand. Sometimes trying to convey thought and certain ideas needs to
be interwoven with truth. We all know the truth (the REAL truth) hurts.
I've felt it and I hope you swallow this with a spoonful of sugar.

Continuing on - my personal goal is to get into a world that is far from my
own knowledge of books, the internet, and bonus coverage on dvd's. I can
only get so near to know that there's no business like showbusiness but
where I am right now still takes time and work. Time which takes me out of
where I was before. Dwelved into a lifestyle of working an 8 to 5 job,
waiting for the weekend, then partying it up to only realize these things:
1. complaints and wishes on making movies 2. eating unhealthy and
staying lazy to complain again on not getting chicks and 3. not wanting to
go back to a job that I despise but am stuck because I don't want to have
to look for a new job. It's easy to stay this way because it doesn't take
work, but the thing that became irritable and completely, utterly annoying
was the word 'complain.'

You cannot complain if you're not trying! If you're not trying, then
you're bringing this upon yourself. Whatever you're complaining about - if
the cause came from something you didn't try to improve on, then how are
you entitled to complain? But our society is built on complaints. If you
think about, laws are made, things are created, objects are invented by the
terms of becoming better and in order to know what's better, you need to
know what's wrong. Complaints equal 'what's wrong?'

To not get too far from the root of this letter, improvement takes time.
Time is so limited in our lives when you take the means to improve on so
many different aspects of your life. Let's go back to the list and see how
my time expired. 1. complaints and wishes on making movies turned into
time to tape interviews, watch footage, and edit, edit, edit, and on yeah -
edit. If something doesn't look right, back to the editing board. If a
story isn't understood, especially in a documentary, back to the editing
board. If you're trying to make a movie better, back to the editing board.
Understood. 2. eating healthy and being lazy to complain about ladies
turned into exercising, eating right, and taking the time to work-out.
This turned into getting dates and getting into a relationship. A
relationship where I want (the key word is 'want') to be the best boyfriend
I can be. Working out and relationship upkeep equals more time. and 3.
not wanting to go back to work that I dislike has turned into me speaking
up at work and getting into a position that I do like. However, it's a
higher up position which entails more responsibility, more time commitment,
and thankfully, more money.

Now in retrospect, it looks like things are good - right? These are good
things that I've turned around for myself. Awesome! All the time and
energy that I've put into doing what I wanted to make better and get rid of
the word 'complaint.' But what's this - oh, oh.....where did everyone go?
All the people that I went to the bars with, ate at restaurants with, and
drank beers with - they seemed to have disappeared. And what's this even
more? I'm totally out of the loop that it feels like friends are enemies
because I didn't have time for them. When they needed to complain to
someone about something that they didn't act on, I wasn't there to tell
them what they wouldn't be doing because it sounded good to them. And now
you're reading an apology letter because I wasn't being a better person.

Can you tell me if I really did something wrong? When I send you emails on
trying to get together for events that I CAN make, do you ignore it and say
under your breath that I'm not worth it? Do you feel that in order to be
MY friend, you have to work on MY time and the effort isn't mutual? Well -
then I guess I am guilty.

So to whom it may concern - I apologize. I'm no better after writing this
letter to a blog that people never read, but to know that I complained.....
well, you know how that story goes.

And to the people that do read - thank you for listening. I want no
sympathy. Just carry on as you normally do. This is all I ask.

Sincerely,
Creative Mind Spill