This is a letter of remorse, honesty, and the will to endure what needs to
be done in order to move forward with personal goals.
To whom it may concern-
I can no longer give into feeling unnecessary guilt for not being a better
person to you. My apologies are due for not giving you the such essential
time you need in order to be fulfilled with my presence. However, I want
to gesture reasoning on the behalf of people that get our of comfort zones.
The motives you carry are needs to use social events such as restaurants,
bars, clubs, or overwhelming get togethers as a cover up for not
challenging your intellect.
WAIT - I have no means of insult nor am I trying to degrade you to a class
that seems lower to me. I'm nothing special and my upbringing is far from
elite situations which hopefully keep me down to earth and easy to
understand. Sometimes trying to convey thought and certain ideas needs to
be interwoven with truth. We all know the truth (the REAL truth) hurts.
I've felt it and I hope you swallow this with a spoonful of sugar.
Continuing on - my personal goal is to get into a world that is far from my
own knowledge of books, the internet, and bonus coverage on dvd's. I can
only get so near to know that there's no business like showbusiness but
where I am right now still takes time and work. Time which takes me out of
where I was before. Dwelved into a lifestyle of working an 8 to 5 job,
waiting for the weekend, then partying it up to only realize these things:
1. complaints and wishes on making movies 2. eating unhealthy and
staying lazy to complain again on not getting chicks and 3. not wanting to
go back to a job that I despise but am stuck because I don't want to have
to look for a new job. It's easy to stay this way because it doesn't take
work, but the thing that became irritable and completely, utterly annoying
was the word 'complain.'
You cannot complain if you're not trying! If you're not trying, then
you're bringing this upon yourself. Whatever you're complaining about - if
the cause came from something you didn't try to improve on, then how are
you entitled to complain? But our society is built on complaints. If you
think about, laws are made, things are created, objects are invented by the
terms of becoming better and in order to know what's better, you need to
know what's wrong. Complaints equal 'what's wrong?'
To not get too far from the root of this letter, improvement takes time.
Time is so limited in our lives when you take the means to improve on so
many different aspects of your life. Let's go back to the list and see how
my time expired. 1. complaints and wishes on making movies turned into
time to tape interviews, watch footage, and edit, edit, edit, and on yeah -
edit. If something doesn't look right, back to the editing board. If a
story isn't understood, especially in a documentary, back to the editing
board. If you're trying to make a movie better, back to the editing board.
Understood. 2. eating healthy and being lazy to complain about ladies
turned into exercising, eating right, and taking the time to work-out.
This turned into getting dates and getting into a relationship. A
relationship where I want (the key word is 'want') to be the best boyfriend
I can be. Working out and relationship upkeep equals more time. and 3.
not wanting to go back to work that I dislike has turned into me speaking
up at work and getting into a position that I do like. However, it's a
higher up position which entails more responsibility, more time commitment,
and thankfully, more money.
Now in retrospect, it looks like things are good - right? These are good
things that I've turned around for myself. Awesome! All the time and
energy that I've put into doing what I wanted to make better and get rid of
the word 'complaint.' But what's this - oh, oh.....where did everyone go?
All the people that I went to the bars with, ate at restaurants with, and
drank beers with - they seemed to have disappeared. And what's this even
more? I'm totally out of the loop that it feels like friends are enemies
because I didn't have time for them. When they needed to complain to
someone about something that they didn't act on, I wasn't there to tell
them what they wouldn't be doing because it sounded good to them. And now
you're reading an apology letter because I wasn't being a better person.
Can you tell me if I really did something wrong? When I send you emails on
trying to get together for events that I CAN make, do you ignore it and say
under your breath that I'm not worth it? Do you feel that in order to be
MY friend, you have to work on MY time and the effort isn't mutual? Well -
then I guess I am guilty.
So to whom it may concern - I apologize. I'm no better after writing this
letter to a blog that people never read, but to know that I complained.....
well, you know how that story goes.
And to the people that do read - thank you for listening. I want no
sympathy. Just carry on as you normally do. This is all I ask.
Sincerely,
Creative Mind Spill
