and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make....

why are breakfast foods cheaper than other meals? is swine that much
cheaper than cow? are there really that many more pigs out there than
mother nature's milk industry? interesting really. all i know is that i
love bacon and english muffins rock.

don't you hate it when you're confined within an elevator or car or some
small spaced room where other people are talking and you have no choice but
to hear what they're saying because you're right there? i can stand in the
elevator and hear the most idiotic things between people which only leads
for me to wait for them to get off to their floor and once the door shuts
(with no one else in there but me) i can say, "Shhhhuuuuut Up!!
ugh....lameness maximus idiotisis!" [as you can also see...i like to make
up werds. sometimes i take that writing thing to an n'th degree and use it
to my advantage.]

clothes really do make you feel good about yourself. if you dress nice and
feel good in clothes that you like, you have this better sense of
confidence and for some reason people can pick up on it. with my going
down in waist size and purchasing some good clothes here and there, i must
admit that i get better looks from the ladies. Rule of thumb for you men
out there --> 3 things to invest money in when trying to impress ladies:
shoes, watch, and (not that you can't buy this...) a nice set of teeth.
sticking with the 2 accessory items -- girls check these things out. not
sure why but its survey proven...AND NO, I DIDN'T READ IT FROM MAXIM!
gawd....give FHM a little credit! haha!....j/k.

seriously, for some reason i can't read too much of the maxim and fhm cause
it give me testosterone overload which makes me want to do nothing but eat
meat, watch sports, and drink beer. this doesn't make too much sense cause
the chicks in the magazine probably wouldn't want to hang out with an
obese, non cultured, beer bellied man UNLESS he made a lotta loot and can
afford to get the lyposuction done. sweet jesus...gimmie the number to Al
Roker!

some guy passed by my desk the other day and saw that i was drinking Fiji
Water. you know -- the name brand, Fiji (natural artesian water). just
like ice mountain, dasani, or dannon water. but i was drinking Fiji brand
water. so he asked, "Are you from Fiji?" to which i glared at him and
said in my nice voice, "Are you from Coke?"

i love writing about yous.....

BEFORE I LEAVE...HAPPY NEW YEAR! bring in the 2 thousand 6 with a bang
(but don't forget to get her drunk first). make your resolution something
that isn't physical, mentally far fetched, or a distant goal -- rather,
make it something that you think will improve you as a person and make you
better for yourself. something that isn't impossible but can be worked on
little by little.

how do you measure...measure a year? seasons of luuuuuuuuuv......

please be safe and don't drink and drive!! bad things do happen....

rocky raccoon checked into his room, only to find gideon's bible...

P.S. to my last post....

i don't even drink coffee!!

there are places i remember, all my life, though some have changed....

i'm such a dumbass.

SOOOOoooo.....for lunch today....all i wanted to do was go to my favorite
sub shop, eat, and read. that's all. nothing else...no stress whatsoever.
i walk over and of course - sub shop is packed and there are no tables to
sit. i decided not to walk in and still being a little under the weather,
chose to go to au bon pain for their kick ass soup. AND there are always
cute chicks in there. ANYHOO, i walk over there and i get the "hmmm...this
kid is cute" looks from chicks here and there...but don't even ponder cause
all i want to do is grab my soup, sit, and read my book. i purchase my
goods and walk into the eating area. i see an empty corner table in a not
packed place. hidden behind a wall....i walk pass a cute asian chick who
is sitting next to the empty corner table. we make eye contact here and
there. not bad. BUT i decide to sit, eat, and read. thus, i do so.

HOWEVER, as time proceeds, my testosterone chooses to pump up a level and
makes my mind begin to ponder of things to say to her. i hate pick up
lines. i hate trying to pick up chicks like cold calls....cause i push for
humor that should come naturally but in those situations, surprisingly
don't. i'm more of a friend of a friend meeter. i try to do the cold
meets, but haven't been great thus far. time passes and i need to get back
to work. i choose not to do anything. i get up and walk away, imagining
punches to my face for being a chicken.

i walk into my building, not 1 minute away from au bon pain. some kid is
asking people for donations for his basketball team. he's a good kid --
very proper, good manners, and is workin by himself. after passing him, a
lightbulb lights up. THIS IS WHERE I"M AN IDIOT! i go up to him, "yo
kid....wanna make extra dollars for your basketball team?" of course he
says yes. so i tell him that i'll give him a big donation if he goes into
au bon pain and gives a cute asian chick a note for me. WHY DIDN"T I JUST
TALK TO HER INSTEAD?!?! he agrees to it and i write this quick 3 sentence
note, saying -" hi, i just sat next to you like 5 minutes ago. i couldn't
help but give you this note and if you're interested in getting coffee -
[insert my email address]. "

I CAN"T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY WROTE THIS! i'm an idiot! i should've talked
to her but i'm too frickin chicken. i don't know why i am. we kept lookin
at each other and i'm actually a pretty decent orator. i mean...i know how
to talk to people, but for some reason....i couldn't jump start this
conversation at all! (yet i can go up to random people in the street and
ask them about asian americans in mainstream american culture for a
documentary.......IDIOT!) i'm dumb....but i really hope she emails me so i
can wooooo her with my writing skills.

it was cowardly though and i don't expect it. i just feel wierd about
walking into au bon pain now. time to start making lunches again....

2 more days till a new year??

everybody's tryin to be my baby...everybody's trying to be my, baby NOW!

does it count as a kiss if you're NOT initiating it? per se - if some
chick or dude where to enforce a kiss on you and you weren't suspecting, is
that regarded as a hook-up? SORTA goes along with the whole physical and
psychological connection. can sex be a separate entity from mental
connection? I don't really know. A lot of people have different p.o.v.'s
with this. Sometimes people ask if morals are involved because how can you
possibly have sexual relations with someone without having a mental
connection? But then again, how are there prostitutes in the world and how
are there people that buy the times of these prostitutes?

are we just brainwashed to accept what is wrong and right in the world? is
sex only suppose to be involved with affection and not a physical act of
relaxation? and how is this always different when a male does it - it's
accepted cause guys are dogs, but when a woman does it - she's accepted to
be a whore, slut, or "easy." And continuing on with the whole gender thing
- not all guys just have sex to have sex....we actually have feelings too.
there are men out there who do look for relationships and NO, they're not
all lame, nerdy, or not the right type. and yes, there are guys who do
know how to give women space.

why is there never an equal share of thought? there's always gotta be this
"game" and challenge. some people better be careful with this game -- you
could let someone pass through your life cause you played TOO hard to get.
sometimes...good things are right under your nose and you don't even know
it.

MOVING ALONG....new year's eve. ugh! when in the history of this event
did it become nearly impossible to have a good time without spending over
100 bucks at a nice place with friends and strangers? and how did it
become so overrated with finding someone to kiss at midnight?!?! ugh....i
hate it! it's like unnecessary pressure with one night of your frickin
life. i officially give up and will not take lead on this planning. if
people ask me what i'm doing...i'm just gonna ask back and weigh my own
options. AND if it comes down to staying home, getting drunk, and feeling
sorry for not going out....then let it be. "SHINE ON TILL TOMORROW...LET
IT BE!"

Can't buy me LOVE! LOVE! can't buy me Luuuu-vah....

BAHHHHH! HUMBUGGGG!! Ahhh....so tis the season that has passed and what
have we learned, my greatful class?

This year I have learned that as you get older, presents dwindle down to
almost nothing. i am part of two very big families (my mom's side is
pretty decent and my dad's side is pretty big), however, i really didn't
get anything good this year. did santa have it in for me this year?? i
mean....i'm always pretty good and nice to as many people as i can be (and
as much as i can tolerate). NOT that i'm looking to get presents, but
sometimes you just want things to feel better for ya during this time of
year, especially if you've had bad moments close to it.

i went to my motherland known as the garden state. home of the boss and
bon jovi. home of mafia infested guidos that repeatedly say, "how'ya
doin?" or "fo'git 'bout it." home of the big hair and undying 80's tops
that girls can't seem to get rid of. yes my friends....jersey has its own
flavor and i don't mean the stench that fumes from new york. SO...how was
my trip? it was okay. compared to past new jersey trips...this has ranked
pretty low due to the nature of holiday forces that have held back my
friends from venturing out of their family appointments. completely
understandable. can't blame them. SO...i hung out with my family.

my little cousins aren't so little any more. their innocence has been lost
and has experienced things that i experienced later in age compared to
them. is it smart? maybe not...but hopefully they'll learn of it's "bad
habits" (whatever they may be and whatever your imagination may choose to
think) sooner than later.

QUICK STORY: some girl at au bon pain close to my work has been giving me
the eye lately. she's okay but i think her intelligence has been her
downfall. i wasn't sure of it till the conversational events of today's
lunch time passing. SO...she was working the cash register and i went to
get some awesome au bon pain soup. she loves to make small talk with me
and i humor it cause...well...i humor everything. you just never know if
some awkward/humorous situation can arise and become a part of writing
material. continuing on, after she charges me half a finger for the soup
(the economics of downtown chicago food), she smiles and says, "Are you
chinese?" To which I smirked and said, "Nah....I'm Filipino." This
assumption isn't even the kicker...the best is yet to come. Then she goes,
"Oh. Filipino. You speak very good English." In my head, I couldn't
believe she just said that. So i said what came straight into my head. "I
should hope so. I was born here." Being a smart ass by trade, i actually
held back from saying anything rude because of her infatuation with my
looks....BUT COME ON! WTF?! first you assume that i'm chinese (no
offense) then you tell me i speak good english?!?! Not everyone that's
asian is fresh off the boat! i should've said, "sunk you vedy much. sunk
you vedy much. me go now." AND THUS my first act of asian assumption is
in the history books, while being in the midst of this documentary. how
coincidental, eh?

SO....did you get everything you wanted from Santa? i did...but she
doesn't get out of work until 4 a.m. when she's done counting all the
singles around her waist.

o bla dee, o bla da, life goes on braaaaa!!...dada how the life goes on!!....

WELLLLLL....now tis the week before the holiday known as christmas (which
coincidentally lands the night of the beginning of hanukkah). i'm
literally swamped and i'm being pushed to last minute hoora's to accomodate
to everyone and everything that i possibly can. the sad part is not
knowing if i have sufficient amounts of presents to give to family in new
jersey. i think i'm short, but i actually do NOT know until i get there.
AND then i have to do last minute present buying while i'm there, which
actually is not a problem this visit around.

for the most part, everytime i've gone to visit new jersey, i would be
under so much pressure to see everyone. to make it easier for myself and
others, i would set up a common meeting place like a bar or someone's house
as a place to catch up. cause most of the time, people just want to hear
what you've been up to, how work is, and when you're coming back again. i
do, however, enjoy the one to one conversations i get a chance to be part
of if my time schedule allows it. SO i've always been under this time
management schedule whenever i go visit new jersey. BUT this time around
-- with friends moving to other cities and not being in a central area -- i
actually do NOT have any sort of agenda set up. everyone i've called is
either busy, not in the area during that time, or just doens't live in new
jersey anymore. holidays are rough.

WORK likes to build up because its the last moments before the new year.
so work is hectic.

SHOPPING is practically a b*tch anywhere you go and finding exactley what
someone wants gets difficult if its a popular item.

TIME is so limited cause people want to see you before you go away for
christmas and then things like LAUNDRY pile up.

i still need to frickin pack! jersey countdown is now down to 27 hours.
in 27 hours i will be in o'hare airport, waiting to get on a plane to new
jersey, where i'm still not sure who will be there to pick me up. THEN i
have to stay at my mom's house cause no one else can get time off to hang
out with me and let me crash at their place. THEN i have to go last minute
christmas shopping on FRIDAY cause i have NO MONEY till then. i hate
traveling low on funds, but this season is kicking my ass.

things are pretty rough right now and NEW YEAR'S EVE IS NOT EVEN PLANNED
YET!!! EEEERRRRRRRRR!

for the peoples that read this....i wish you and yours a very safe and fun
holiday season! may it not be chaotic and full of mess and disorganization
that i am currently experiencing.....

p.s. the worse is wrapping presents that people open up an hour later.
makes it feel like you shouldn't have wrapped it at all....but you need to
for this damn surprise effect that people always want during christmas.

cause i'm the taxman....YEAH!! I'M THE TAXMAN!!

in today's high tech era of immediate results and computerized watchers of
society, i truly believe that Santa Clause could be real now. At first,
sure....a legend....a myth....someone you're not sure if he's really around
or not....then you catch your dad eating the cookies you leave out for the
jolly red man and then it's all downhill from there. HOWEVER, in today's
fast paced, ever changing face of technology - Santa (if he's up to date)
can watch every person from the police survey camera's setup outside by
traffic lights and street lamps. He can go on myspace or IM to see if a
person is at home or work. he can check match.com to see if a person is
just looking for a "friend" or an "activities partner" (which really means
a sex machine) and figure out if that person has been naughty or nice. he
can spam a bunch of people and figure out who pays attention to his cry and
who doesn't (to which the good people of yahoo or hotmail would just pop
his email into the junk or bulk mail). BUT TWO CAN PLAY AT THIS GAME -
whereas we can have high tech ninjas in white suits camaflouging with snow
around a hidden cove literally by a candy caned pole that has a sign saying
"North Pole." There we can set up our own festival of lights --
surveillence lights if you will.

(p.s. i apologize for not being a spelling expert. one of my bad habits
as a writer is to know all these words but to not really know how to spell
them or at times, not even use them correctly. through tone and quick
expression, werds really do have the ability to make you sound smart when
you know where to place them.)

Randumbly - you ever see the movie Scrooged with Bill Murray? Great
frickin Christmas movie (next to Christmas Story and Its a Wonderful Life).
Anyhoo...there's a scene when they're running christmas promos for the boss
and there's this commercial for Lee Majors to invade the north pole and
have a shoot out with Santa. WELL -- this is where i was going. imagine
if it really were a big fight with the man in red. i'm tellin ya....Santa
can f*ck some shiet up like rudolph's nose glowin in the red light
district. Beaming people....BEAMING!

Which reminds me that i have to wrap presents tonight. a very long and
sometimes painful process cause you have to make things look so damn pretty
when you know it'll just be overlooked after the present itself is seen.
"OH MY!! THIS WRAPPING IS FANDANGULOUS [...yup, i made that word up for
the good people of Fandango.com...]!! HOWEVER, I MUST FORGET ABOUT IT AS
I"M ABOUT TO CHOMP THROUGH IT AND FIND OUT IF I WANT TO RETURN THIS GARBAGE
YOU CALL A GIFT!!" geeeeeez...just say it people! you know this is how
you think! it's the thought that counts my ass! you know what is
thoughtful??? when you actually get a present that means something to you.
when you get something where you know the person is actually listening to
what you say or what you do. knowing what you're needs are as a person and
what you enjoy and like in life. THAT RIGHT THERE...that is thoughtful.
if you don't know what to get me and get me something that is far from what
would be used in the right way (per se clothes that don't look good), then
me personally....would rather receive money or gift certificates (or lap
dances or mounds of gold coins for me to swim in or multiple socks that i
can wear on multiple days with multiple shoes that you've also provided,
etc., etc.).

this is my piece and i just wrote it.

i will be here, there, and everywhere....here, there, and everywhere.....

i think it's funny when people readily assume that you were naughty in your
earlier years. people seem to forget at work that we're "AT WORK" and
personal behavior is somewhat different from work behavior. in other
words, i don't go over to my friend and ask him if he wants to smoke a
spliff during lunch (...which now that i think about it, would make for a
more amusing day). but back to the topic - not to say that people were
more vigerous and peppy during their younger years, but i think it's just a
facade that people fall for when they truly believe that they know someone
so well. i've worked around people here for over a couple of years already
and people still get amazed when they hear that i'm a writer or i do all
these crazy things at bars over the weekend. in true poetic fashion, most
writers were party animals at heart - wanting to escape a dismal,
distraught world within their own mind to experience life experiences and
share them through the art of literature (either metaphorically or so
surreal that readers wouldn't think it to be true). OH SHIET....that
might've been a writer's secret that I wasn't suppose to tell....guess i
have to send in my club jacket after this is posted. ANYHOO, ending on
this thought - if people readily assume something about you and you like to
play it to your advantage, be smart and use it in ways that would benefit
your exterior persona. Like i'm asian and so immediately i'm good at math,
so when people look at me to say how much to leave for tip, i just shout
out an answer by saying it while it looks like i'm thinking...."ummm...3
dollars and uh....i think 78 cents should be okay. yeah...it's right."
people always fall for it....

randumbly - it will supposedly snow like a jillion feet today. not really,
but it's my job to make things sound embellished. AGH! now that i think
about it...maybe that's why i'm a drama queen in my own right. cause i'm a
frickin writer! i'm suppose to put things out of proportion to create a
greater conflict in order to highten the interests of a reader or
voyeuristic viewer. and if it's really, truly voyeuristic...can't i just
call my writing "porn." it gives it that more edgy feeling.

i've done nothing but go to the gym, eat somewhat healthy, read my books,
and write randumb things. aren't these all suppose to be good things? why
do i still feel like i'm not being productive in the right manner though?
something is missing and i can't put my finger on it.....

jersey countdown is now 7 days.....

the long and winding road that leads to your door will never disappear....

Like i've said in a previous entry - I am really starting to despise
Sundays. i think there's something with the lord looking down on me and
making me feel guilty for not going to church for all these months or
something. HOWEVER, i really, really did try to make something out of my
day yesterday. i was up early, so i got mcdonalds breakfast which was
super cool. gotta love the mickey d's breakfast. then i got home and
started to do some documentary work. so...i was pretty productive in the
morning....TILL i got to around 10 or 11'ish. i decided to take a shower.
after my shower i watched t.v. for a lil'bit and then got sleepy. then
when i woke up from a 2 minute sleeping fight, i got up and washed myself
awake. i like naps when i can afford it. in other words, if i know i'm
going out late or if i know i can mess up my sleeping schedule, then i'll
nap....otherwise, i try to stay awake most of the day so that i can totally
crash when i hit the bed. BUT, this hasn't happened for about a year.

tangently -- i'm a pretty restless person. i'm too much of a thinker when
i'm in bed by myself. i think its from years of writing in bed. i've done
that since high school. i still do it now. and i've even taken it further
by doing work in bed -- putting the laptop on a pillow and getting to work
by having the pleasure of taking a 3 minute nap in between important
emails. (next time i do that...i should just write at the end of my email
-- "and now i nap till my next email! sincerely, Abe Fromen")

Even when i was doing work yesterday, i decided to vary it up by doing it
outside of my bedroom and in the dining room, by our big window. this
helped cause i think i feed off of the whiteness from the snow. i like it
when it looks nice outside....don't like it if it doesn't FEEL nice
outside. SO...i retired into my room around 2 or 3 to watch a dvd of stand
up comedy. didn't help cause the dvd wasn't that great...i won't mention
names as it's someone you probably don't know. it's just research for me.
it was starting to make my day dreary and then depression started to sink
in. i became restless as i was watching this. i was antsy and wanted to
get out of the house.

you ever watch different strokes? there was this episode where willis was
overly confident about going to college from high school. in high school
he was king of the hill. everyone knew willis jackson. he defined popular
and popular had to find a new definition for willis jackson (....OOOOooooh,
that's good werding! writer's mental note!) SOOOO..he goes to college and
all he gets are practical jokes on him. he gets the butt of jokes when he
thought he was special cause he was drafted by the coach, himself, to play
baseball at their school. he just learned the hard way that friends aren't
as magnetic and easy to come across, especially when you have to start all
over again. it was difficult.

my last few years in college...everyone knew Jonald. everyone in my
fraternity loved me and introduced me to everyone they knew cause i was
easy to get along with. easy to talk to. so friends of friends made lots
of friends for me. i moved to chicago only knowing my cousins. network
not as big. and friends of friends not as great. i went to second
city...but people are all busy with projects and even my class was small
too. we're all just writers really. therefore, not many to pick and
choose from like in college. STILL...i proceed with being the best that i
can be....to which all of you should too! just gotta keep the head up.

SO, there's always somewhat of a relief on monday. even though its the
beginning of a work week, it's also the relief of moving past another
sunday. at least i watched Rent again last night with one of my friends
and his girlfriend after complaining of how bored i was and him bitching at
me being a little p*ssy. gotta love your blunt friends! Rent made me feel
good too. go watch it...like i've said before. it made me feel
better...maybe it'll do the same for you!

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE!! Love, love...love is all you need!

Present day Reasoning to Randumb High School Memory #512:

So why was it that the really hot chicks that were part of the cheerleading
team or any other randumb sport that had hot chicks on it, always laughed
at the stupid jokes that the jocks told? In other words -- I tell pretty
clever jokes, however, for some reason I need to downplay it (in terms of
either making it perverse, cute, or more visually apt) for chicks that are
very appealing to the eyes. Now, I study humor, human behavior, and
comedic situations...therefore I have no problem with trying accomodate
funny lines to particular people. I can usually pick it up pretty quick
and know what can be said to a person during different scenarios. HOWEVER,
i'd rather tell the witty jokes and drop smart one liners instead of
downplaying it to something more silly. Can i just blame the chicks for
being dumb? i know not all of them are dumb though....there are exceptions
to the rule....then how come they don't love me long time??

p.s. i just tell jokes in general. if it's smart or clever, then i get
lucky cause it popped into my head pretty quick. if it's dumb, then i just
say it for the sake of getting it out of my head. i have no shame. i just
like to make people laugh, cause i'm a clown. And you know what would make
an interesting story -- a clown that likes to make people laugh, but deep
inside, he's just really sad. that's jack handy...not me.

sorry to keep on posting up constant weather reports for chicago....but it
really does effect your life if you're one with nature. (or one with
commuting to work, play, or eat.) so there's like a good 3 or 4 inches on
the ground from last night. i can't wait to get home, clean off my car,
and warm it up for 20 minutes to only go to blockbuster that's about a 5
minute drive away. YES!

i'm wearing a turtle neck today. i haven't worn a turtle neck for about 3
years and when i did wear it last, it was only cause it was part of my
halloween costume. i feel weird wearing it. it doesn't feel right. i
don't even know if it looks good on me or not. i just know that it's warm
and it's more fashionably acceptable. and that's what i'm striving more of
now -- trying to learn to dress better. GQ is a cool magazine to read to
try and learn, but it's a bad magazine to try and buy things. everything
is so expensive that you would need to rob both your grandmother's social
security and STILL break into her drug cabinet to sell to the homeboys on
the corner thinkin that it's x. oooooh...did it sound like i've done that
before?? i haven't........

...gotten any of that money from ray ray yet! damn it!

we are the egg men...i am the walrus!! koo koo ka choo!

[this one's for john! we were born on the same day for a reason brother.
i truly believe it. "You may say I'm a dreamer. Well I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one!" Thank you
for inspiring me Mr. Lennon.....]

i just can't keep going on like this anymore. i just can't do it. I can
no longer give people a humorous laugh for the sake of laughing when it
just isn't funny. I'm sorry...it's just gonna have to be like this from
now on. And people that do know me...I already laugh at anything...but
like 10 minutes ago, I had to laugh at people trying to push jokes unto me
that weren't funny. and the reason for my "OH I'll just humor you" laugh
was the fact that they're my superiors. now i don't mind it....cause i'm
sure everyone does the same thing...AND you know you do! don't lie!
however, i always go through that afterthought where i sit at my desk and
think "geez...what just happened?" it replays in my mind but in fast
forward, quickly going over dialogue that might've been intriguing and
interestingly enough to record, otherwise erased to have space for more
important/interesting dialogue. Mind of a "writer" i guess. don't talk to
me if you don't want to get recorded...i remember a lot of a random shiet.
Going back to the laughter - is it rude to just stare and say, "can you
stop pushing that joke?" Don't get me wrong...i've already done this in
the past but with friends who i'm allowed to say it to. so my question is
if its rude to say it to mild acquaintances or strangers.
well....hhmmmm....you shouldn't care about strangers unless you think
you're gonna move them unto the mild acquaintance level. so i guess it's
just about the people that you sorta know but not really. why would it
care? cause maybe some of us are on this quest to be the "perfect" person
and not have any enemies, only to hopefully be concluded as one of the
"popular" people. are we really just hunting to have more people give us
christmas presents...or a very morbid thought....more people to attend our
funeral? interesting, no? SO PLEASE....PLEASE.....just don't tell me dumb
jokes people. i will stare at you and say, "did you want to go to my
funeral? cause with a joke like that....you're so uninvited!"

that's another thought! can i start inviting people to my funeral? i
mean...in a way...it IS MY PARTY! i should be able to invite who i want
and who i don't want. i don't want people there for the sake of "well, it
looks good cause we were best friends in 4th grade." gimmie a break! i'm
starting to write my guest list up now....

email me if you want to be invited! i'll consider it...haha!

nothings gonna change my world....nothings gonna change my world (Across the Universe)

"will i lose my dignity? will someone care? will i wake tomorrow from
this nightmare?" - go watch Rent cause I liked it. that should be good
enough a reason. (sorry....don't feel like doing my usual cinematic bla
bla on it. just trust me if you like modern day musicals.)

it's frickin frigid in the windy city. we've been in single digit weather
for the past week. i have to sit in my car for at least 10 minutes for it
to warm up. you'd think 10 minutes is nothing, but 10 minutes in a
freezing car w/out playing music and sitting in the dark, shaking, while
trying to think how eskimos do it -- WELL, that's just too long in my
lifespan and impatience creeps it's nasty little head into my mind - "Come
on buddy....just go....the car will warm up as your driving." BUT I fight
back - "Impatience, why do you always make me rush things?! warming up the
car will defeat the purpose if i just go and warm it up as i drive. I'm
warming up my car to help maintain a well running machine as old as my car
is. Besides ....what's the hurry? The nudey bar closes at 2." HAHA!

This just made me think of an idea. IF you had to name yourself a word
that described you....but it became your actual name (i.e. the name
Impatience alla my last dialogue conversation from the previous paragraph),
what would you name yourself? Love? Constance? Nervous B.? (B. standing
for Breakdown.) or maybe even a position that stereotypically fits you.
Frat boy? Runner? Worker? i think i would name myself "Taken for
Granted." and NO...this isn't my pity cry...you frickin selfish pricks!
all i'm sayin is that i easily get taken granted for cause i like to do
things for people and yes, i go further than needed if possible. i just
like to make people smile and laugh...but i mean, i'm not like this guy who
wants to be in the medical field or something where i'm ALWAYS helping
people. i just like to help people in my own little way. whatever....i'm
done with this thought.

my neck hurts.

it's cold.

i'm tired (probably due to seasonal depression and present emotional
scarring).

this happened once before, when i came thru your door...No Reply....

sometimes it's just scary what ability i have at work. SO...i work in the
contractual department. obviously i deal with authorized signatures and at
times deal with the financial department of the company. from learning the
ins and outs of such programs as adobe acrobat, microsoft word, and randumb
engineering programs (for drawings and design), i've actually taught myself
to pull signatures off of documents and implement them unto other
documents. sorta like a forge...but not really. i don't use it to my
advantage cause honestly, there's nothing i can take advantage of....i
don't have access to anything like checks and stuff....BUT imagine the
possibilities of my powers. just imagine.....

are you imagining???

no?? WELL THEN IMAGINE, DAMN IT!

okay....enough imagining!

i can't tell what the hell is goin on outside right now. it's like sleet
or rain or hail or something. it's mixed with snow, but it's coming down
really fast and hard like. HA...sounds like a party at studio 54 (...mixed
w/snow....coming down hard and fast....get it? get it?). whatever is goin
on outside...at least it's keeping me amused.
19 more days till christmas. i will take flight (afternoon delight) to the
garden state. there, i will mix conversational indulgences with the likes
of former best friends, former roommates, former crushes, former cigerette
break buddies, former formers, and yes...family too. i'm excited. i'd
like to see what's goin on in the minds of people who i've studied since
high school and college days. it should be interesting.
AH...yes...."interesting." how that word makes people think "what's so
interesting? and what are you talking about?"

FIVE GOLDEN RINGS!!!!!!!

mother nature's son....all day long, i'm sitting singing songs for everyone...

uh...yeah....a couple of hours later -- still snowing! uh....is it gonna
stop?? this is pretty bad dude...are we in the middle of a blizzard? snow
day tomorrow??? AWESOME!

Hey Jude - don't make it bad, take a sad song and make it better....

you ever walk around depressed, looking at other people and thinking, "that
person must have it so easy?" and then when you actually think about it,
you're really not that bad off....things might be half empty in the glass
right now, but it's because you're looking at it like that. people always
have a little something that's gotta make them feel happy. something to
help push out the bad things. for me, it's talking about obscure crap,
trying to make people laugh, and listening to beatles songs in my head, and
gawking at pretty chicks, and acting seriously goofy when no one is around,
and being able to go run. i'm sure there are other things....OH...and
WRITE! geezuz frickin christmas-- how can i forget about my baby? - the
mighty P-E-N and his buddy the P-A-D. i'm nowhere without writing and
jotting down completely randumb crap (...hhmmm...just like a blog).

the weather outside is frightful. no literally...it's frightfully snowing
like crazy outside. it's pretty though. however, pretty scenery always
makes me feel lonely cause it's like you want to share it with someone.
(mental note: stop being so frickin depressing when trying to make people
laugh through writing elements known as blog posts....end scene.)

Mooooooving randumbly along - mmm...i loves me spicy hot v8. it's like
cold chef boy r dee in the morning. but spicy. and then when you get
string cheese...it's really like spaghetti or ravioli in your mouth. was
that sick thinking? sorry, if you don't like v8. i accidentally fell into
liking it when i was on a wierd binge of not eating and only drinking
fluids for a week. fluids and cigerettes for one week with no food is
pretty rough. why would you do crap like that? for me...everything
always, always involves the weakness of all man (unless you're
gay)....women. how do you think i started smoking cigerettes? (and then
it took another chick to get me to stop!)

christmas shopping online rules! delivery and wrapping fees suck.

i will now bury myself in work and not think about anything else for the
rest of the day.

HEY -- leave me a comment, people out there! make me feel loved....