alllll i want is you.....

you ever catch people do indispicable, cleansing procedures at wrong
moments? per se - picking a wedgy, picking nose in the car, passing gas,
smelling breath, etc. etc. what's funny is that everyone else does it - so
why should it be such a disgusting act if you know you need to do these
things to be more comfortable? okay, okay - i understand. sure, i don't
wanna walk around and suddenly walk into an unprecedented field of
unpleasurable aroma - however, there could be designated area for things
like that. like the corners of rooms should be understood as a place to
"fix yourself." SO...if you needed to burp or scratch yourself in an
unattractive looking way - go to the corner of the room, do it, and no one
should think different.

whatever - maybe it's just me....

randumb - are you yourself when you google your name? i am actually my
first hit when i google my name. it's actually me. not that my name is
common, but there ARE actually a bunch of jonald's out there. scary
enough. yet - i guess i'm the most famous or hit upon person as far as the
world wide web is concerned. all i have to say is - STOP STALKING ME!
just ask me out on a date already - geeez....

(FYI - i just googled my name to see if this last paragraph was true. it
wasn't me. i'm losing rank. must be pissing people off lately. guys -
i'm just tellin you how it is from a blunt point of view. if it's not your
friends, then who else will tell you that we're all ugly! ha - i joke...i
joke...)

WHERE IS:

-yakoff smirnoff?
-potsy from happy days?
-bell biv devoe?
-manudo?
-my mind?

i'm done.

p.s. coldplay concert in march @ the united center. woo hooooo!

now it's time to say good night. good night, sleep tight. dream sweet dreams for me. dream sweet dreams for you....

randumb thoughts explosion: KABOOOOOOOM!!!!

--before email - were there happy hour memos that went around the office?
and was it sent on monday till friday, only to have like 15 names on it??
this versus today's technology of e-vites that have 100 names on it and
sent 2 weeks in advance.

--you know those sensor sinks and sensor hand dryers in the bathroom? has
any one of those ever turn on with you in the bathroom, far from it, and no
one else standing in front of the sensor?? freaky, eh? makes me think of
ghosts when it happens to me. then i sit on the ground, curl into the
fetal position, shut my eyes, and wish i were in my happy place. "there's
no place like strip clubs. there's no place like strip clubs."

--there should be some sort of olympic day at the office. not like we
should all get together and watch the olympics - but more like competitive
office events that would test our skills that we deem to be so monotonous
and boring. like speed filing or target typing or coffee drinking
competition. ooooh, that last one's a little dangerous for hyper activity
reasons. but wouldn't everyone want to be better at work then, if they
knew that they got to compete at this thing every year and the grand prize
team could get like a week vacation to use whenever throughout the year.
isn't this a cool idea?

--what the hell is going on in the homeland of the phillippines?? first
mudslides happen that are trapping people, who's only form of communicating
is by texting. who knew that texting could save lives? AND now there are
riots going on to overthrow the president and take over the government?
what the hell is happening over there? someone seriously needs to go there
and just straighten out there government system. they got problems! maybe
it's time to make that change! "i'm lookin at the man in the mirror! i'm
askin him to change his ways!" [if i ever quote a michael jackson song
again, it's because i'm trying to make you laugh....but also...trying to
make you think. you ain't bad! you ain't nuttin!]

--pencils are cool. i don't know when i lost track of how cool they are.
they erase and stuff. cool....

--what is the cure to static? i hate it. new pet peeve!! how the hell do
i get rid of it around me?? i've tried to wipe things with fabric softner,
but that doesn't work. must i laundry and dry ALL my clothes to get rid of
whatever the culprit may be? i don't get it.....someone send some help.

while my guitar gently weeps.....

here's your gay man story for the day:

so i'm not a homophobe. i'm in the arts for pete's sake (...by the
way...who the hell is pete and why do we always sake him???). i'm
confident of my masculinity and actually do have homosexual friends through
the theater community. ANYHOO, besides this, i do think they're funny
mother f*ckers when they're confident of their sexuality and have a sense
of humor about it. SO...i was in the copy room the other day and this guy
who i wasn't sure of (sexual orientation wise) was walking toward our huge
laser printing machine (...let's call him "Metro Man"). i was at the xerox
machine and there was another dude standing next to the laser printer
(let's call him "Mr. Schmoe"). now i'm always interested in verifying the
validity of my "gay-dar," so that's why i actually questioned which team
this guy was batting for. Sometimes you just never know how you should
joke with people and you don't want to come off as offensive if you're
saying shiet that doesn't come across the right way. i'm sure many of you
understand.

Metro Man sees that the laser printer isn't working right and Mr. Schmoe is
trying to see what's wrong with it. Mr. Schmoe called the help desk to
send someone to that copy room in order to fix it, so he says to Metro Man,
"The guy didn't come down this morning." SO, Metro Man, who seemed to be
impatient, retorts back, "Yeah, yeah....the story of my life." TA-DA!! AY
- YO!! and thus we have verified it with a funny ass story to boot.....

didn't get it? read it slower and make the dialogue into sexual innuendos,
for pete's sake!!

woke up, got outta bed, dragged a comb across my head....

BALANCE. an essential necessity in order to gain a better perspective of
things to do in life. you need to BALANCE in order to do as many multiple
life experiencing tasks as you can. without BALANCE - you have an
overabundance of a particular thing which is either good or bad. however,
if you BALANCE this particular item/task, then your percentages of it being
good or bad tend to equal out. now, i'm not saying that this is applicable
for all faucetts in life, but it sure is an important characteristic to
hold as a person that seeks to establish a better being in a general
treatment. but the scary part of this insight is that if you take tender
care of something you love and cherish, the balance is not only the
response back to you, but also the negative balance if the love fails.
just like the beatles song goes, "and in the end, the love you make is
equal to the love you take." OH SO TRUE....

randumbly - work thought:

-i'm sick of those brown-nosing, fake smiling, non-caring, behind the back
talking, underworking complainers!! There is a little union of people that
don't know each other but are part of this club because there's one in
every office. there's always that one person that finds it necessary to
complain when complaining doesn't do anything to make it better. he/she
doesn't even do that much work, but they complain and brown-nose to the
boss so much that it makes it seem that they're doing work. NOT!
soooo...NOT! and then they're nice to you, but in reality, they talk
behind your back cause they're also the gossip king or queen of the office,
which is a close relative to being a tattle-tail if you don't get your work
in on time or do it incorrectly. gimmie a break - how old are you?? i'm
getting white hairs just thinking about it....

randumbly - speaking of hairs:

-am i really at that age when i can tell if i'm balding or not. i mean, i
knew some kids that were able to tell when they were in high school, but as
you get older, it becomes more apparent for the not knowing. i'm not
completely going 8 ball, but i can see it happening and there is definitely
a receed action happening. i don't like it....(not that i don't shave my
head...but i still like knowing the fact that i can grow my hair out if i
want to...like knowing i can go buy cigerrettes even though i don't smoke
anymore).

-randumbly - movie watch:

-saw Hotel Rowanda w/Don Cheadle this past weekend. he should've frickin
won over Jamie Foxx. no offense. i like the foxx, but cheadle just rocks
this movies. i got goose bumps watching him break down, where as i wasn't
feeling Ray. HOWEVER, i was feeling the music - which is (i guess) a
stronger thing to try to vibe to in terms of the intent of the film. you
just figure that with the issues at hand, the academy would've pointed more
towards cheadle. and yes - i'm a loser because on my oscar ballot that
night, i had leo dicaprio marked down to win. but i was totally in love
with aviator. sorry. sorry. i'm a scorsese b*tch. can't help it. this
year - i'm voting for shhhhhhhhhhhh....i'll tell you on that weekend.
bwwwoohahahhahhaa!!

the long and winding door that leads to your door will never disappear, i've seen that road before....

greetings hallmark holiday believers,

as we drop our loads of hard earned labor unto fattening chocolates and
adolescent teddy bears wrapping their arms around heart shaped pillows -
less not forget the actual bona fide myth that created this day that
hallmark greeting cards and SDT florists have exploited into a mecca of
importance compared to other holidays.

Once upon a time there was this dude named Cool Petey Valentine and he fell
in love with this chick that he met at a fancy-shmancy ball pah-tay during
those medieval times - ya dig? So Petey was getting his groove on and
bumped into a cutey pie while kickin the robot on the dance floor. he
couldn't believe his eyes and thought that he was living a dream. only in
this dream he wasn't naked and his 6th grade classmates weren't laughing at
him. when he snapped out of his daydream, he only stood there to realize
that the hot little number vanished from the scene of the crime. The
crime? She stole his heart. awwwwww - poor petey V.!! however, he roamed
and played curious like a cat by wondering the 'bouts of the castle. when
he finally found her - he tried to kick it to her only to get haulted by
her royal pain in the arse father, who just happened to own the castle.
trying to get his mack on - petey V. played the playa and told the king to
not hate on him, but to hate the game. only thing that petey didn't know
was that the game was over and he got his bootey beat by the royal guards
known as sir "swift kick" and sir "to your nuts." thus, before petey got
his exile going - he dropped a letter in front of his lady, only to sign it
as "Love your Valentine." and hence, this all happening on the 14th day of
the 2nd month in the year of the lord - you have your Valentine's Day!
ta-da! the end.

now aren't we all just a little bit smarter? i know i'm not.

so go - take your sweety out to a hot steak dinner at the outback and don't
forget to hand her a bouquet of those silk, fake roses that you got at the
gas station for 5 ducketts. cause just like christmas - it's the thought
that counts. HOLLLA!

the magical mystery tour is hoping to take you away...

it's actually getting harder and harder to think of beatles songs as my
post subject. i don't use a list, nor do i cross off anything after i use
one. so i never know if i'm repeating one or if i'm using the right words
or not. it's all from the top of my head. i'm hoping there will be a
future documentary made where they will need a beatles song phraser and i
can get interviewed - my credential on the bottom will say - "beatles song
phraser referrer mastermind dude"

ANYHOO....work has been rough since i've been covering for someone. hence
my lack of posts lately. sorry....my apologeeeez.

here are your randumb thoughts from past vegas dreams and present breakfast
ideas:

--is there a way to notice if someone is from out of town or not in vegas?
we went to the swimming pool when it was only 70 degrees, to which i was
thinking that vegas people must think how crazy we were and how cold
outside it was. i personally don't care. we're from chicago where 10 out
of the 12 months in the year, we see and know cold. we're not alaska, but
we are the extremity known as the windy city. those 2 months where we
don't know cold - we know this other thing called extreme, melt your face
and burn your bacon on the street HOT. fun stuff - how wierd our weather
is. SO...we went to the pool and i sat in 70 degree weather sun. i still
got a little color on me skin and feel filipino colored once again.

--what's up with these nightly, behind the scene, undercover investigative,
dramatization re-enactment reports on blogs and myspace and friendster
stuff?? old guys are being perverts? kids are pretending to be older than
what they are? killers and stalkers use it as a resource?? STOP THE
INSANITY!! get lives people! geeez...you would've thought only crazy
people do these things! bboooohhahahahahahaa!!

JUST KIDDING! but really - can y'all be normal if you use these things?!
i mean, i read other people's blogs, myspaces, friendsters...and yes, i
like looking at pictures and reading about people i don't know. but what
i'm not doing is trying to learn about every person i become infatuated
about. sure - you can read someone's blog, think he/she is the coolest
person, but you still have no clue or idea what he/she is REALLY all about.
people write blogs, make up myspace/friendsters to release thought. it's
sorta like an artform. an outlet if you will. people can totally be
themselves and then some choose not to be at all. they can live as a
totally different person by portraying themselves with pictures they find
on the web and words they take out of a book. THEREFORE, my advice to
people that are living this other, secret identity, lavish lifestyle - just
don't be crazy. wake up! there ARE other people out there who use this to
become better writers, or to network on this technology called the
informational highway....NOT just trying to hook up with some finally legal
18 year old chick who can take a saucy picture with her camera phone. MOVE
IT ALONG COWBOY....MOVE IT ALONG!

--tea is good. bananas are great. and red ink ballpoint pens rock.

--current wishlist: - i wish to get an acceptance letter from northwestern
soon! (please, please, please, please!) - i wish to go to
sundance/toronto/chicago asian american/tribecca/slamdance/cannes film
festival within the next 2 years (not as a regular, ol'viewer but as a
entrant). -i wish to eat something ethnic this weekend. - i wish i had on
cooler socks today. -i wish it were 4:30 pm right now. -i wish my
documentary were 85% done instead of 25%.

fin.

maybe you can drive my car! yes i'm gonna be a star!

sorry....work actually has a hold on me...

quickies:

--cinnamon tea from barnes and nobles - kick ass!

--vegas made me $100 bucks richer from gambling but completely broke from
partying. carribean stud poker is my friend.

--i'm a notary public. in a wierd sense, i work for the state. why don't
they give me state benefits then?

--too much fiber makes your stomach talk to other grumbling stomachs,
saying "geeez...there's a lot of hot air in here!"

--COLDPLAY ROCKED MGM GRAND ARENA!! Such an awesome concert! not a huge
coldplay fan, but this concert possibly made me into one. must get their
music and am definitely going to the chicago show in march! hollla!

the end for now....

i'm fixin a hole where the rain gets in and stops my mind from wondering....

SO the list is out! your oscar nominees have been declared and like i said
in previous posts - Crash was up for best original screenplay. ALSO, my
man philip seymour hoffman is up for best actor. HOWEVER, you know who i'm
pulling for (but will probably not win) - Paul Giamatti for Cinderella Man.
He's just a great guy man. I love pig vomit! thank god My Date with Drew
wasn't nominated for best Documentary. March of the Penguins was and so
was Murderball - which were two good docs, but i'm giving this one to the
Penguins. I'm gonna try to watch munich this week or next. i think it
might be a sleeper. however, george clooney seems to be pullin for a
trifecta this year. we'll see how that goes. those are the 2 movies i
need to see before i make my predictions - munich and good night.

ANYHOO....randumbly speaking, i was thinking about voicemails today. how i
hate leaving them, but wish i got them. personally but not at work. when
it's at work - it usually means more work. like getting mail - whenever i
get mail now, it's just something that reminds me of how much i owe them,
how bad my credit is, what i wish i could where but can't afford, what
event i can't go to, or a hallmark holiday has arrived again. you know
what would be the coolest - if i got a card in the mail for doing
absolutely nothing. for just being me and someone saying - "hey buddy -
good job for being you." i've given cards to people for that. not because
it was a holiday in any aspect, but because i felt like it. maybe its just
me....

continued randumbness - current list of pet peeves:

1. people who eat with their mouth open - ugh...quiet please! but i try
to ignore it when i hear it....

2. hippocrates - okay, okay....so i could be guilty of this sometimes, but
i don't think its ever extreme. if i catch someone saying or doing
something they said they wouldn't or couldn't, i get frustrated because of
their hippocracy. and most times - i get the stare when i say, "i told you
so." no one likes hearing that. there should be a new list - "phrases
people don't like hearing." it would be that and "we should just be
friends."

3. stupid people. alright, so i have my own personal test in my head to
verify if someone is stupid or not. i have a very high tolerance for
idiotic things and am very patient, open-minded, and love to teach to
people that like to listen. HOWEVER, if there is some reason that makes me
(...me....good ol'jonald....the soul of a saint...) get angry or think of
you as stupid - then something HAS to be wrong. only cause i'm usually
cool with everyone. again...maybe it's just me...

4. blemishes. god - outgrow me already!

5. money - always!

the end....for now....

AH...less i forget to indulge you --> vegas dreams become reality in 48
hours! WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

whisper in my ear the words you want to hear and then i'll be kissing you....

Alright, alright, alright -- so i'm a spitter! big whoopdie do! i tend to
have a little spittle problem when i talk and it's only because i'm more of
a mumbler that when i do talk a muck and start to anunciate words, i tend
to share drips of my morning mouth wash to unsuspecting listeners. I
apologize! I'm also an open person, so if i do it, I'm not ashamed to say,
"holy geez, i just spit on you. i'm sorry," instead of how people continue
to keep talking and try to make you ignore what just happened. the only
time i probably don't apologize is if it's in a more formal setting and i'm
giving a talk to a group of people. then it's like i'm Gallagher and
instead of getting smashed up watermelon on ya - it's just my spit and
occassional piss (for when i give talks about how to neutralize venom from
snake bites - which is all really metaphoric).

randumbly.....

does anyone say "you're welcome" anymore? i mean, i'm sure people do, but
it has certainly become less and less. it's more like an "mm hmmm" sound
or a "no problem" form of expression. but why do we continue to agonize
ourselves, especially in the work place. why must we follow this invisible
protocol of etiquette that says that we're suppose to take work and enjoy
it? get real! (i'm not saying that you can't enjoy work. i'm just going
with the majority of people in society that wishes that they were
constantly on vacation instead of pushing keyboard buttons for 8 hours a
day.) SO...in the world of reality and truthful speaking, when someone
gives you work, and they say thanks, you should say, "up yours, buddy!
you're not welcome....i don't want to do this! i'd rather be chillin by
the cooler like you and joe do every 20 minutes talking about how sporting
events control the schedule of your life. now leave me while i do the crap
that your lazy ass is capable of. PEACE!" or in the example of Reality
Bites - "I'm audi 5000!"

even more randumbly.....

Along Came Polly was a better movie than i thought. I watched it last
night and it started off sorta cheesy, but i am now completely sold on
philip seymour hoffman being an awesome actor. didn't think too big of
him, but i saw copote last month and thought he was awesome in it. i loved
him in punch drunk love and boogie nights - smaller roles, but he just
played them so well. and now seeing him in a more comedic role with Along
Came Polly - awesome. so cool to be that versatile.
FYI - mark it on your calenders! February 12th on bravo! Dave Chappelle -
James Lipton in the Actor's Studio! AWESOME!! can NOT miss that!

for red is the color that my baby wore and once more it's true - yes it is!

SO, i'm not sure why i'm wearing it but i'm not too fond of turtlenecks.
sorry...maybe it's fashionable and it depends on how you wear it....but
yeah....no....don't really enjoy it too much. don't get it. why don't you
wear a scarf? and if i wear my scarf with my turtleneck, am i just an
idiot? maybe i just feel too constricted and like to expose my swan like
neck...well...i actually look more like a goose when i sit up straight and
my neck is streched out - so goose-like if you will. whatever...just
thought i'd randumbly share that....

sorry i haven't written in here in forever and a day, but i've been
covering for someone at work and it's been pretty chaotic. and why is it,
after explaining to higher level beings at the work place that you are
swamped and have been running around like a chicken with it's head chopped
off (reference Faces of Death part 3), they have no problem giving you more
work. "I'm sorry boss, i've been running frantically to get this doc out
a.s.a.p. ....uh, what's that? you want me to do more work? oh why
yes.....yes...i believe i'd be utterly delighted to do this extra thing for
you....just pardon me as i ram this letter opener through my hand as it
will divert the actual anger that you're installing in me right now."
enter in stab wounds and bloody gore....

happy chinese new year! uh...to those applicable...

you know when you buy soda cans in the new preferated tear away to form a
can dispenser in your fridge - uh...not a fan of that either. sorry...i
know, i know..."How can you not like the dispensing action?! Come on!"
but for me, it's like - can we be anymore lazy?? if you can fit that box
into your fridge and just keep it open, do we really need the dispensing
action to help us get through that cardboard overflap? is it intensified
with some sort of invisible force field that will only open when it senses
that you need a drink? and if you don't need a drink and just want to open
it to see how many cans are left, you get shocked with mini-volts of
electricity - that by making you need a drink cause you've collapsed to the
ground. this is all too troubling if you ask me and so i'm sticking with
the no dispenser! (and if you see it in my fridge - that's my cousin's!)

i will hibernate now...

anytime at all, all ya gotta do is call....anytime at'all!

prewarning to something disgustingly raunchy:

you know what really makes guys into dogs -- when they scratch that little
piece of skin between their anus hole and testicle sac. what the heck do
you call that part of your body? i've only heard people call it "the most
smelliest part" of the body and i believe it. yes - it should be worse
than the actual a-hole itself because that gets cleaned (if you're normal)
but that little piece of skin gets the residue of the toilet paper scrape.
yuck man....sorry to throw some alarming and disgusting thoughts your way
if you happen to be eating lunch.

SO...superbowl...yeah....uh....two of the most unprolific teams in the
nfl....uh...yeah....

you know what's funny to realize about comedic actors turn dramatic and
being really good at it....the comic routines they use to do. Per se - In
Living Color alumni -- Jim Carrey and Jamie Foxx. Carrey was the Fire
Marshall and Jamie Foxx was ugly Wanda. now, Carrey became one of the
highest paid actors for the big screen and Foxx is an Academy Award Winning
actor. go figure! i always thought David Allen Grier was the more
prominant actors on that show. guess i was wrong....

speaking of academy awards. my early early prediction right now -- Crash
better win for best original screenplay. AND My Date with Drew better NOT
get nominated for Best Documentary or else, i will be very, very upset with
the academy's standards! it's just shows that i have an awesome chance at
winning the academy with "That Asian Thing." (which i wouldn't mind
....but let's not let me lose my hunger for greatness just yet....haha!)

randumbly - there is this big surge from myspace.com users. isn't this
just a rebirth of friendster? and yeah, yeah...."it's better than
friendster!"...whatever dude - it's the same thing! it's like there can't
be another type of netflix or there can't be another type of craigslist.
gimmie a break! there's always been original ideas out there and when it
gets churned into something better, everyone jumps on the bandwagon like
there's an extinction of cows (which would be ungodly!). yes - i'm guilty
of having a myspace and a friendster - i'm also guilty of having a yahoo,
hotmail, and gmail account. and sure - i have a pay pal, wageworks, and
online bank account. OH, OH....i also am a lotus notes user at work. i
have a blog, a geocities website, and whatever freebee thing on the web
that takes up my empty time in the pursuit to seem more busy than i really
am. Geeez! wasn't the invention of the web for the purpose of
transmitting war plans and actions amongst troops? and now everyone's
trying to rule the world. so now i ask you....

can't i just be number one on the playlist??

LOS PARANOIUS - invites you to....to just enjoy us....that you can do...

When in the world did we find it completely and utterly necessary to try
and save as much time to do a task in the quicket, most efficient manner?
First off, I am totally gung ho for learning methods that will make things
or routines easier to accomplish, HOWEVER, gimmie a break with trying to
save "3 seconds." I'm not joking. We're taught to save 3 seconds
everytime we turn on our computer. "Why don't you create a shortcut to
that folder and place it on your desktop?" "Why don't you copy and paste
that text without having to retype the whole thing (especially when it's 3
words long)?" "Why don't you save yourself three key strokes by bla bla
bla bla bla!!!!!!!" ARE WE DYING ANY SOONER? cause i know i'm trying to
live a full life but i'm not trying to win a race of how fast i can
accomplish it. sometimes i want to take it just a little slower and enjoy
the fact that i can type 75 words per minute. haven't people learned that
if you know the hard way before the easy way, you're safer for when
mistakes or accidents happen? AND YES, i do realize that there are people
in this field to take care of you if you do mess up and that you shouldn't
have to learn the hard way, but for me, personally, i sorta think it's
lazy. i like trying to figure things out for myself. i try not to call
anyone up unless it's something big or it's something i don't have time to
learn right now. WHICH leads me to this nicely, randumb list.

TEN THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO LEARN RIGHT NOW (in general and in no order of
preference):

1. how to fix a car, incl. brakes, engine trouble and interior design (i
want a new radio, damn it!)

2. how to speak spanish or italian

3. how to edit film on my computer

4. how to write a guarenteed oscar winning screenplay (i think i know how
to do this, but the guarentee part is sorta rough)

5. how to d.j. - spinning tracks and mixing like a ji-jigga-genious!

6. how to annunciate words well and not mumble

7. how to make the coolest website EVER!

8. how to be more fashion sensible

9. (this one's a little more raunchy....sorry) how to hold an erection as
long as i want

10. how to be the best person i can be!!

i had to add one with a little morale in there. ANYHOO....this is what i'd
like to learn RIGHT NOW! it's an ever changing list and i hope many of you
have lists of your own. hopefully you can pursue it and try to lessen the
length of the list.

Quest for Knowledge........

SHEEP DOG standing in the rain, BULL FROG doing it again

the more i get older, the more i'm starting to realize how my name is such
a good (and bad) conversational piece. first of all - it's pronounced [jon
- uld] but spelled Jonald, like Donald w/ a J. I like how older people
enjoy hearing it and repeating it multiple times as I'm talking to them, so
they can remember it, since it's the first time they've heard it. I don't
like when people mispronounce it after hearing other people say it multiple
times and after I correct them more than twice (3 strikes and you're out
buddy!). However, i do have to be in the mood to enjoy explaining my name
and how it's origin came about. I'd rather like to make up new stories of
its where abouts - something like my father was completely hammered while
trying to say Donald to the Birth Certificate writer. Then he just laughed
when the writer repeated with Jonald and thus it stuck cause of the
hilarity behind it. And how appropriate that would be if it were so true.
My name was one big joke after all and here I am in the world, trying to
make comedy come to life with my words.

OR POSSIBLY, there was some sort of mishap with tongue twisting and when my
parents wanted to give me a double R name of Ronald Reyes with the middle
name Jude, they did the Jonald Jude Reyes and messed up while speaking in
their foreign, fresh off the boat accent. Tends to happen but highly
unlikely with those consonants and similar sounds. Filipino's like to
intermix the letter V with B and add multiple S's where unnecessary.

Randombly, how old must I seriously get before I can eternally say good bye
to facial blemishes?? i don't know if i'm stressin out over here, or not
getting enough sleep, or eating too much oily foods...but would god please
throw some oxy on my face?! i need to invest in whatever jessica simpson
is advertising. ha....i just re-read that and imagined saying that in
general without the prior knowledge.

hey dude, what are you gonna buy at the mall today?

man....i'm just gonna buy whatever jessica simpson is advertising.

and thus my collection of daisy duke shorts and mediocre at best cd
collection. oooof...sorry for you fans out there. just ain't my taste of
pop cereal. but i am guilty of watching Newlyweds the first season.
(uh...just don't share that information with anybody outside of this world
wide website)

when i get older losing my hair, 20 years from now, will you still be sending me a valentine...

[and my Beatles song references as my post titles continue....]

one thought this morning when someone was looking at the candy in our
cubicle (which i don't eat) - he said, "How are you guys not as big as a
house?" And my response was "It's just for decorations. They really
aren't candy." Not as funny as I thought it to be though after realizing
what I said. And then I thought of other retorts I could've used to be
more humorous, however, what I thought of instead were reverse
circumstances. I thought, what if we went up to houses and said, "How are
you not as small as a person?!" and then when someone would ask a question
as "How are you not big as a house?" (which is actually a question of how
fat you are), should i answer back with "How are houses not as small as
me?"

yes -- i really did think about this. and no, i didn't copy it from jack
handy's thoughts. i'm just wierd like this.

it's snowing outside and i'm wearing ankle socks. i like ankle socks, but
it won't go too well if there's snow that can go over my shoes. so why
can't someone invent sock-add-ons? sorta like this cloth cast that
connects to the top portion of your sock with silent velcro and doesn't
fall off. i'm a frickin genious! send that 'ish to Gap and mail me my
check, biotch!

randumbly - i'm actually busy at work cause i'm covering for someone for
the next 2 weeks. woo hoo....non stop underbreath cursing whenever i get
work! yes!

for this weekend - go bears! and don't let the devil take advantage of
your idle time -- just sleep....

and your bird can sing, but you can't see me....you can't see me!

OKAY...so advertisements, commercials, product sayings, bla bla bla
-->these are questions i thought of for your pleasure:

--how big are the scoops of raisins in two scoops Raisin Bran? cause
seriously....those are some big ass scoops. and do they use the 2 big ass
scoops for the big boxes and then smaller scoops for the miniture boxes in
the variety cereal packs? cause i don't get the same amount of raisins in
mini-Raisin Bran. what up with that?

--shouldn't Cheetos or Cheezy Puffs be "Finger Lickin' Good" instead of
Kentucky Fried Chicken? Those aren't licked fingers you see when people
are eating KFC - it's called greese and oil! i know it's so damn good, but
i think i see more people licking their fingers after having any of those
cheesy snacks. which leads me to the thought of how many cheese balls can
you fit in your mouth? sorta like how many grapes can you fit in your
mouth? and now that i think about it even more...why are people always
trying to fit as many round things into their mouths? just teabag it you
perverted freaks! enough with the balls!

--okay...what's with all the guy toiletry stuff having to do with
attracting women? i know sex sells and bla bla bla. HOWEVER, i've been
using Ax deodorant and Old Spice body wash for a year already....i'm not
getting anymore women than usual. am i suppose to carry these products
around with me after i use them? "Hey loooook what i'm using! Hot, huh?"
which leads me to a randumb thought -- what if guys started to approach
women the way michael jackson did in his music videos? so i just walk up
to some chick that i dig, do a little dance next to her which consists of 3
pelvic thrusts and an arm flair, and yell out "YOU KNOCK ME OFF OF MY FEET
NOW BABY!!" does that work?....i mean, i would show her my Ax deodorant
and Old Spice bottle too....ya know?

--yesterday i bought bananas from the grocery store. they had stickers on
them saying "Potassium Power!" welllll....if we're goin that route, i can
only wish to find some prunes saying "Poop Pusher!" or apples saying
"Anti-doctor Myth!" or strawberries saying "Horny Installer!" or grapes
saying "how many of me can you fit in your mouth??"

AH HA...and it ALL CONNECTS NOW, DOESN'T IT?!?

but when she says she loves you, that means a lot!

personal definition of a "chick flick" -->when a movie initiates feelings
that are too sensitive for male standards thereby injecting estrogen to his
psychie and attempting to make him display un-"guy" like qualities such as
cuddling, crying, or sympathy. Yesterday, my cousins and I watched "Love
Actually" which I've seen before. One of my friends hasn't seen it before
and my chick cousin was sayin "You should watch it cause it's totally not
like a chick flick at all. My boyfriend and his brother liked it and bla
bla bla story story." Now, I didn't think about this till later at night,
but what the hell IS a chick flick? SO...i decided to share my personal
definition of what it is. If my assumption rings somewhat true, then Love
Actually IS a chick flick. Then i thought, why would my cousin say such an
outlandish thing as to NOT call it one? then i thought - to compensate for
the gayness of her boyfriend. no offense to him - i love the guy...he's
practically my cousin-in-law as i'm concerned...but COME ON! just because
some dude is into cars, poker, and
manly-cigar-jack-daniels-cowboy-sh*t-kickin-marines brew ha ha.....you're
tellin me, he CAN'T POSSIBLY like a "chick flick?!" WRONG! there are a
crapload of guys who are are very, very guilty of loving the mighty of all
chick flicks - the master of relationship anthropology - rob reiner's
classic - When Harry met Sally. SO - Love Actually IS totally a chick
flick and even though there may be some movies that have a fine line
between a dramatic turn of events classic or a chick flick all the way,
just don't say anything at all if you're not sure.

YES - i'm very guilty of being this movie elitist snob, but i don't care.
if i hold back on the one thing that i truly do enjoy, then i'm just
depriving people of knowledge that they might be more intrigued to follow
up on. something that i do alot of when people talk about movies is
'director name drop.' if i know who directed it and know other movies that
he directed, so that there can be a comparison, then i'll do it. HOWEVER,
please don't forget that directing and writing are 2 different credentials
and even though (per se) Ang Lee directed the Incredible (flop) Hulk and
the recently highly acclaimed Brokeback Mountain, doesn't give
justification that whatever he directs next will be either a flop or
completely slow paced (and about homosexual cowboys)...NO, watch for his
use of sceneric cinematography and wide shots of land for bigger impacts
relating to the plot. AND that my friend was jiggy movie knowledged
dropped on your well-deserved booty. you're welcome.

randumbly.....

scarfs - i love'em and wish i had more of them to match clothes with.
socks - i love'em and wish i had more of them to unmatch my clothes with.

Let's go BEARS!! i wanna superbowl shuffle to an underdog team....woo
hooo!! defense does win people!

Vegas countdown is less than 4 weeks! sooky, sooky nah.....

love is old, love is new....love is old, love is you.....beeeecause...

is it sick when you blow your nose and then check to see what you've blown
out? some may think so...but i still do it. i like to know the sucker
that's been f*ckin up my breathing. "You annoying little ickyness! i kill
you!"

has my writing been raunchy lately? i was reading some of my past posts
and although some of them do have depth to it, most of them are randumb
blue humor unclever jokes. i'm gonna have to work on that. BUT IT'S JUST
SO EASY!

new annointed annoying people --> old, selfish sticklers! eeerrrrrr! when
i say "old, selfish sticklers" i mean the old people that have grown to be
very selfish and feel that they can do whatever they want because they're
old now. there's this dude at work. older indian man. he must be in his
late 50's or mid 60's. i feel bad for him whenever he goes to the urinal
cause he has to rest his whole head against the wall as he's pissing. you
can hear him doing some kind of breathing technique cause he has a problem
doin the number one. so, he takes his time with this. BUT WHAT I HATE -->
whenever i'm in there, he always stares at me. "i didn't do anything man!
stop staring at me!" and once it hits 4:45 pm, he immediately grabs his
jacket out of the coat closet, without fixing the doors properly and then
has no consideration for getting on the elevator. if people have been
waiting there before him, he won't let them on first....he doesn't care.
he's on and off first. mean old man! errrrr! and i won't even start with
the old assuming ladies here....

"who moved my cheese?" - you should read this, learn from it, and evolve.
the end.

the weekend is here. wooooooohoooooo! i'm tired. i've been tired this
whole week....but for some ungodly reason...even with free time, i just
can't use it to sleep. all i want to do is catch up on the things i can't
do during the week. this work thing gets in the way sometimes! it's a
good diversion to get through the day and you make money and stuff, but
really....there are people out there who do whatever they want and get paid
doing it. i think they're called mystery shoppers or uh...prostitutes.
speaking of prostitutes...VEGAS HERE WE COME!

fallin, yes i am fallin...and she keeps callin... me back again....

please shoot me if my morning conversation consists of "Man....you beat me
on a different elevator" and "Well...i only had one stop along the way and
then it was all me." Whatever happen to ideal morning chatter that had
just a little more depth into the person's life. we aren't robots people!
if you've worked with someone for awhile and want to release some form of
work stress, then by all means - keep it real. the only drawback is that i
wouldn't keep it too real with the supervisor. however, with people that
are on your level (more than literally...but mentally), then just say
something else to get tangent with. It can start general and then get more
detailed as time proceeds. even sports has an indication that you were
watching a sporting event last night, either at your house, with your
buddies, or at a strip club. at least it can lead into a more indepth
conversation. example:

he says, "morning." she says, "good morning. how are you?" he says,
"oh...just a little tired." RIGHT THERE...that's what starts it. a hint
of truth that leads into a more indepth conversation. if she cares, she'll
continue with "up late last night?" if she refrains and wants to end the
conversation, it goes to, "i hear ya. same here." sometimes i think its a
matter of playing 20 questions. just keep it enlightening by asking
questions about the person. stuff like, "did you watch Lost last night?"
or "How 'bout them Bears?" or "does your hair naturally curl in this
weather or do you use a curling iron?"

i believe that people help make work get past monotony. when you go home
to your loved one, you talk about people or events that have happened --
but even the event that has happened stems from the doing of a person.
that's why i have become friends with people who are insane. those insane
people are called artists (writers, actors, theatrical wierdos, etc.).

another good thing about being in my mind. i'm a drama queen that super
embellishes things that are simple, making things just a bit more
intriguing to hear when telling a story. and if there isn't a punchline -
i make one up as i go along.

on top of writing up sketches, my masters application essays, and random
other things....my work wants me to write up my personal job book. i'm
calling it "jonald's job for dummies" and hope to mass market it within the
company, making me millions. MILLIONS I SAY!

dream a little dream of me....

back in the u.s. Back In The U.S. BACK IN THE U.S.S.R.!!

completely exhausted! i'm terribly, terribly tired and my eyes are so
frickin heavy. isn't that the worst feeling? trying to continually update
your monotonous computer mouse movements and keyboard sounds that your eyes
become weary, and the self - proclaimed curements to this ailing dreariness
such as drinking water or sitting up straight doesn't work. STILL, we must
proceed with the zombie like looks and the head bobs that we try to fight
off.

new year's eve was a trip. people become more friendly in this new found
pressurized situation where midnight is the eternal glory known as "must
kiss anything that has a mouth." i saw things that were somewhat
disturbing and for some reason, if i saw the same act of "action" it in my
frat house 5 years ago after a party, i would probably root it on. this
one instance was where a cute chick talking on the phone crossed the street
and sat on a ledge on the side of a building. a very drunk man had crossed
the same street and saw her sitting there. this was about 10 minutes apart
as my friend and I stand with our hands up in the air, looking for an
available cab to stop. i'm sure they didn't know each other and the girl
on the phone didn't seem as heavily intoxicated as the man that followed.
HOWEVER, as she's sitting there on the phone, minding her own business,
this dude stands next to her and starts lifting up his shirt. not standing
straight whatsoever, he motions his pelvis towards her to indicate, "i'm
ready for a hummer. indulge me." here's the disturbing part....she didn't
push him away or tell him to get lost like a sophisticated young lady would
do...rather, she stands up, talks to him in his face and they walk away
somewhere. i turn my head to look for a cab and turn around again to
continue my behavioral study to only find them gone. all i can say is that
it was disturbing and a girl with looks like hers should not have to
degrade herself to the type of guy that this guy was. and he wasn't even
good looking folks. i can say with complete security of my masculinity
that this guy did not match with this girl. BUT like i say - new year's
eve was a trip.

back to documentary work. finally...all this holiday crapola is done and
now normality (whatever that may be) can attempt to run regular routines
back to the minds of people. AND the weather is decent once again to not
make everyone frozen once they walk out of their house.

now....i sleep with my eyes open....

p.s. PEOPLE AT THE GYM THAT HAVE NOT BEEN TO THE GYM TILL NOW....if you're
gonna do this for REAL cause of your new year's resolution...you better
keep up with it cause i swear ta gawd, you're taking up too much space on
the crunch machines, track, and stairmaster during my normal gym hours!!

and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make....

why are breakfast foods cheaper than other meals? is swine that much
cheaper than cow? are there really that many more pigs out there than
mother nature's milk industry? interesting really. all i know is that i
love bacon and english muffins rock.

don't you hate it when you're confined within an elevator or car or some
small spaced room where other people are talking and you have no choice but
to hear what they're saying because you're right there? i can stand in the
elevator and hear the most idiotic things between people which only leads
for me to wait for them to get off to their floor and once the door shuts
(with no one else in there but me) i can say, "Shhhhuuuuut Up!!
ugh....lameness maximus idiotisis!" [as you can also see...i like to make
up werds. sometimes i take that writing thing to an n'th degree and use it
to my advantage.]

clothes really do make you feel good about yourself. if you dress nice and
feel good in clothes that you like, you have this better sense of
confidence and for some reason people can pick up on it. with my going
down in waist size and purchasing some good clothes here and there, i must
admit that i get better looks from the ladies. Rule of thumb for you men
out there --> 3 things to invest money in when trying to impress ladies:
shoes, watch, and (not that you can't buy this...) a nice set of teeth.
sticking with the 2 accessory items -- girls check these things out. not
sure why but its survey proven...AND NO, I DIDN'T READ IT FROM MAXIM!
gawd....give FHM a little credit! haha!....j/k.

seriously, for some reason i can't read too much of the maxim and fhm cause
it give me testosterone overload which makes me want to do nothing but eat
meat, watch sports, and drink beer. this doesn't make too much sense cause
the chicks in the magazine probably wouldn't want to hang out with an
obese, non cultured, beer bellied man UNLESS he made a lotta loot and can
afford to get the lyposuction done. sweet jesus...gimmie the number to Al
Roker!

some guy passed by my desk the other day and saw that i was drinking Fiji
Water. you know -- the name brand, Fiji (natural artesian water). just
like ice mountain, dasani, or dannon water. but i was drinking Fiji brand
water. so he asked, "Are you from Fiji?" to which i glared at him and
said in my nice voice, "Are you from Coke?"

i love writing about yous.....

BEFORE I LEAVE...HAPPY NEW YEAR! bring in the 2 thousand 6 with a bang
(but don't forget to get her drunk first). make your resolution something
that isn't physical, mentally far fetched, or a distant goal -- rather,
make it something that you think will improve you as a person and make you
better for yourself. something that isn't impossible but can be worked on
little by little.

how do you measure...measure a year? seasons of luuuuuuuuuv......

please be safe and don't drink and drive!! bad things do happen....