animal crackers

sometimes i really do wonder what animals are thinking:

-- Ostrich: "eeeRRR AgggHHH!!!! uhhhppfff!! ugh!" (plops out egg) "Geez!
that was a huge ass egg! Finally....i can run fast again! Runnn!!!"
(runs at a very fast speed) "bbbrrr...this fast running makes my head
cold." (plops head straight into dirt) "it's dark in here. mmmm...smells
like worms. did an ant just go up my nose? hee hee hee...that
tickles...."

-- Giraffe: "more tree leaves?? i'm sick of tree leaves, but everytime i
bend forward to eat things on the ground, i start to lose my balance.
ugh...this neck! i desperately need a neck massage. where's that little
monkey that likes to climb me thinking that i'm a tree?? that aroused me
so much. with such a long neck...i hate having a small penis..."

-- Pig: "Diiiiiiirrrrrttttt!! yes...yes...my skin is SOOOO soft! this is
the life girlfriend. i eat all i want and nobody thinks any different
cause i'm a pig AND i get mud baths everyday. the only annoying thing are
these flies that keep on landing on my ears. i wish i could touch my face.
but whatever.....i can just roll in the mud and hide. somebody shut that
crow up!"

-- Goldfish: "hey sweet, a castle! who put this here?" (swims for a
little bit) "whoa...oh snap, a castle! when did this get here??" (swims
in and out of it....goes to the top and comes back down) "Oh my god....is
this a castle? i love castles! has this always been here?"

--Monkey: "i'm so itchy. ooop, tree." (climbs tree easily) "it's a great
view from up here. why do i always crave bananas?!? those damn humans
have stereotyped us as banana eaters! i will have them know that i enjoy
more than just bananas! i like apples too! next time i see a human, i'm
telling his ass that. oh wait...there's one now...." (starts making
noises out of his mouth. the way monkey's sound.) "what the hell?? he
still threw me a banana! what an idiot! at least i got my banana.
uh...where's that giraffe?"

-- Computer: "Stop looking at me! all you do is look at me and read
things off my face. do i have something written on my face? ugh...my
tower body is getting kinda hot....can you make sure my fan is getting
exposed correctly? hello?? stop pulling my arm mouse around like that!!
can't you handle me with a little more care?? geez...you'd think i didn't
have any feelings or something..."