"and in the end, the luv u take is equal to the luv you make...."

[circa beatles, abbey road]

SO...i love her. big deal. is it? i mean i've been in the mix of this
escapade for a year now and the image embedded into my mind is her.
whatever, whatever...mushy, mushy...yada yada. what's the point? the
point is....

where'd everybody go? during my fraternity years, when any of my bros were
"free" from their girlfriend, we had a blast! we use to rag on him for
being whooped, but we showed him what he was missing. we welcomed him back
into a club that he never really lost membership in. you know why? cause
your boys are suppose to be your boys. they're suppose to understand that
your mind is evolving/maturing/understanding the depths of the opposite
sex. wasn't that the goal of this process? wasn't this the point of going
out to the bars all the time? to find someone that would be intrigued with
your well being and take forth in a journey that consisted of S.E.S.
(Sleeping, Eating, and Sex)? right?

of course, i am guilty of being out of the "fun." but if people know me
well enough, they should know that i'm strong minded in my ways. at first,
yes it was confusion and angst mixed with tid bits of
anger/frustration...so everyone is always looking out for you and telling
you to "bail man. get outta that if you're feeling like that." however,
i'm always looking for the good in people and if i can find a little
shining, i want to expose it for as much as its worth. i like to make
people laugh, smile or even think, "well...my day wasn't as terrible as i
thought." and it just so happened that i stubbled unto a relationship.
truthfully, i didn't think i'd still be in the thick of things. but nobody
should ever know how it will happen cause it takes away the spontaniety of
the project. just like no one should ever know how it (if it) ends as
well....

continuing on. i'm not an elitist. if i'm free to do "fun" things, i
don't expect people to drop what their doing to hang out with me. but
don't make me feel like crap for doing what i've been doing. i'm sorry...i
apologize. but when you rethink of that event, do YOU regret that I didn't
come? and if you did...why? PEOPLE -- don't forget, you make things out
to be the way they are in life by your own actions. if you thought you
didn't have a good time cause I, ME, MYSELF wasn't there then maybe its
time to rethink your own strategy of fun. but again...i'm sorry i missed
out if i did, but i had "to see about a girl."

if you miss someone, tell that person you miss them. it's suppose to be a
good thing to do, not a bad one...and if you get made fun of
it...gawd...who cares -- go back to 5th grade if you feel wierd about it.
be secure with your thoughts, feelings, and make your spine stronger. it
makes things less stressful in life if you get it off your chest....(my
example is this entry).

now what?