i officially hate sundays. at one time in my life, i didn't mind it
because i would not do a damn thing and people knew not to bother me on
sundays cause i was completely useless. it would be this invisible rule to
not bother jay on sundays. but of recent, with personal projects being
very important to keep consistant work up to date, i need to use my
weekends to full advantage. however, the last couple of weekends have made
me feel depressed on sunday. i would wake up later in the afternoon,
trying to sleep away any form of drunkiness from the night before and
possibly try to "catch up" on missed sleep throughout the week. then i
would lay in bed, wondering if i should do work or not and trying to
convince myself that watching a movie is doing "work" also cause i have to
study documentary formats. although it isn't completely false, it is a
scapegoat from doing something more productive.
GAWD -- don't you hate that! when you know you're doing something wrong
and you know what's wrong about it...but you're still doing it. goes with
alot of crap in life -- "i need to workout more." "i need to eat more
healthy." "just go up to her and say hello." "stay away from her, she's
bad news."
not to get away from the topic at hand (which i've very good at doing),
sundays are days when i wish i could lay in bed with someone, keeping warm
and watching good movies, while getting up every now and then to cook a
good meal in between our laziness. however, it's turned into a day when i
fight a mental battle to try to be more productive because i won't get
anywhere with my dream of making movies if i don't.
i feel like i'm waiting for something exciting to happen. i hate that
feeling cause i've felt it before and when something good would happen, i
didn't know it cause the hype in my head was too great in waiting. over
this past weekend, someone asked me if i was still writing sketches.
sadly, i'm not. but i will have to for the sake of my asian american show.
i have already brainstormed and there's so much i want to do, but i think i
might be scared. not scared to write, but scared to meet expectation.
people who know me, know that i can create greatness and i believe in
myself to create greatness as well....however, this is a show that i'm
gonna do all by myself. this is going to be my baby and i don't want
anything but perfection for it. this is also going to be my true test to
see where i stand in terms of writing. i haven't showcased my own personal
works since Sex, Lies, and Asparagus - 2 years ago. and that was only 2
sketches.
however, i have things up my sleeve for this show. i think i know how to
rock it already. it's all a matter of getting it on paper. how the hell
do i balance daytime work, documentary, gym, and writing with personal life
and the search for happiness? don't ask me...but i'm somehow still doing
it. one of those things are gonna give and i hope it isn't the gym cause i
feel good about the way i look. and it can NEVER be writing cause
well...it just can't. and my documentary can NOT end cause it's already
begun. i have to finish now! as always -- i need more time!
i hate sundays!
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