If I fell.....

Everyone always seems to be in slow motion on Mondays. It's sorta funny
cause if you mess up or do something dumb, you can always say,
"Ugh...sorry....Monday." And then people just nod, giggle, and agree. The
opposite rings true for Fridays. You're more upbeat and seem to slack off
just a little bit more. SO, when you go out to eat for lunch and you're
with coworkers....there's always that one coworker that says, "We gotta get
back in like 10 minutes man." You're allowed to say, "Take it easy....it's
Friday. We got time...." And then everyone nods, giggles, and agrees. I
don't know where during this time, everyone turns into a small, asian
school girl -- but if that's what nodding, giggling, and agreeing looks
like, then call these people Soon Yi, cause that's how they react!

I'm mentally confused and depressed of late. I'd rather not say why, but
rather say how lop sided my emotions have been. I'll lay in bed restless,
thinking of too much stuff and not wanting to sleep. I'm obsessed with
trying to figure out what went wrong and how I might've been the root of
the problem, when I know in my head that I wasn't really at fault. I use
work to cover up the way I feel and I'd rather be eating than exercising.
Old habits that I got rid of are slowing creeping their way back into my
routine when they shouldn't. Showers make me feel better. My humor is at
a low and writing funny stuff...well, isn't really funny. I don't show how
I really feel because no one should have to say, "I'm sorry" to me and I'm
always a person that would rather make someone smile than bring up serious
issues to the table. My mentality is still strong though, but I'm in the
midst of needing to pep talk myself before moving forward. Pep talks to
yourself are actually very supportive if you ever need motivation. You
really have to be good at it though and know yourself as a person. I know
that if I talk a minute to say the goods and bads of doing something, then
I believe my ability to do it or not. In most cases, I can do whatever the
hell I wanna do and I should NOT be scared of anything. It's a matter of
accepting and envisioning the realistic outcome of it. Again, in most
cases, I pretty much verify to myself that this is a "life experience" and
pondering the past instead of accepting it for what it is, won't get you
anywhere. In other words -- LIVE LIFE! Things that hurt, things that are
suppose to be sad, things that make you mad....it'll happen...welcome it
but realize why you feel the way you do. accept it and take it for what
its worth (also questioning if it's worth it or not). But no matter what,
we can only move forward in order to gain more experience and gawd help me
when I say that I don't regret anything that I've ever done.

well....that was a written pep talk if i've ever seen one...i hope it
worked for you in some way as well. I know people are out there, reading
up on me. seeing what that jonald jude j. boy is up to. i don't mind
it...but whoever is out there, i hope you're doing well and things are mr.
brightside. if they aren't ....take life by the horns and make it so.
that's all you can do or else sulk in depression that doesn't make you move
forward...making you stuck. in the words of Cher in Moostruck -- "SNAP OUT
OF IT!"

that's that.