thoughts

sometimes i think comedy is really who can annoy who the most. if my
theory is right, the whole world is pretty hilarious. HA!

10 year high school reunions are worth the 2 minutes right before you're
about to walk into it. every emotion that you've felt from graduating high
school to that very minute resurges. your mentality is completely confused
and you feel like laughing, pissing, throwing up, and gizzing in your pants
all at once. it all makes you want to turn around and not go back. the
open bar is worth it if you take advantage of it.

boredom for me results into unnecessary productivity. instead of doing
real work that needs to be done, i start work that i've never thought of.
3 days out of work and no plans has made me learn to stitch, fix a stereo
using a nail cutter, and all the new dance moves on that MTV.

work always continues whether you're there or not. the only thing that you
missed out on was the results of reality television shows that coworkers
are obsessed about.

updating my 401k and all my insurance plans makes me feel old.

sitting up straight can mask your obesity.

thanks for listening.

kriss kross make ya wanna jump

i hate being the messenger! Why is everyone so damn scared of a little
confrontation?? OKAY, okay....I will say that I am guilty of not starting
beef - HOWEVER, what I do hate is becoming the mediator when someone is too
scared to say how they feel. What upsets me more is when it's between 2
people that know each other very, very well and I would venture to say that
no matter the outcome, status of friendship would probably stay intact.
Then speak your frickin mind, man!

Continuing with that, is it me or has there been a huge upscale rise in
spam emails?? How did they find us?!?!? How do these people get paid and
why are they out there? Because their spam emails about viagra are just as
dangerous as a hacker throwing you a virus. You click on that email and
open up any attachments just cause you think you can get a discount of
p*nis erection longevity and then you're screwed. HA - i guess literally
if it really is about p*nis erection longevity. SPAM GUYS - give it up
man. Stop tricking the 12 year old boys about what's more important in
relationships with women.

Transitioning from that - just love your women, man. Treat them with the
utmost respect and if you feel like something is missing, something is
wrong, or something isn't working in the relationship....just hit the reset
in your head and remember why you fell in love. Mental chaos is difficult
to overcome and the stronger ones are the ones who can make it work. And
remember - just don't become the messenger.....

democrats

to whom it may concern,

to whom it may concern - how are you? what have you been up to?

to whom it may concern - narrow and pessimistic point of view to follow.
it's all really a crock full of sh*t and everyone seems so frickin fake.
gimmie some daylight and a room full of straight people that have the
mentality of stereotypical flamboyant homosexuals (...that's cause they're
the only people that speak their minds with no disregard). if we lived in
a better world, i wouldn't need to hold back from telling a person how to
parent their child. if we lived in a better world, i wouldn't have to hold
back from telling anyone that interrupts me that I haven't finished my
thought yet. If we lived in a better world, there would be gizmos and
gadgets that can give evaluations for what you're worth to human society
and place you in the correct job through your wants and needs. God forbid
that you go along with the grain and stay stuck in a job that "just pays
the bills" or is "something to do."

to whom it may concern - WAKE UP, the sleeping people and get them out of
their shells. Let them live lives that push evolution and make multiple
memory books that turn into history books. Stand with objectivity to
figure out what is wrong and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Stop complaining with
words that have no substance because saying "this sucks" or "i wish"
doesn't move anyones feet.

to whom it may concern - get us out of this commercial break and let us
watch better stories. cut the fat and serve the meat cause what we need is
life.

to whom it may concern - i'm tired and i know others are too. are you
tired?

to whom it may concern - write back when you can! see you in september!
have a great summer!

VOTE!

I just wanted to take this opportunity to tell anyone out there reading
this - PLEASE GO OUT & VOTE ON TUESDAY,NOV. 7th!!

I'm not going to tell you how to which way to vote, but I will tell you my
personal knowledge as a novice political activist. When I first came out
of college 5 years ago, my only thoughts of politics were that Bush was bad
and war stinks. Present day - not much has changed. But whatever -
Republican or Democratic, the following is more of a push on voting. I
just wanted to reiterate that I didn't know much coming out of college.
Today, I'm more involved with my surroundings and the society around me.
Not to say that it's because of maturity, but because our voting really
does trinkle down to us personally. You may not think that 1 out of a
jillion can do much...but dag nab it, IT DOES!

Things like health care, the economy, and environmental issues all play a
role by the way votes are counted. These are the basics people! There are
laws passed and the people that vote on these laws are the people that we
vote for because we believe in their vision of what is good and bad. We
like the way they think and we want them to represent us because we believe
that he/she will do a good job of taking care of our needs. Coming out of
college, you may not be so aware because (like me personally) you probably
want to get your own situation settled in. A secure job that you like with
benefits and the right distance for commute. The pay needs to be able to
help you clear off some of that debt and be able to give you loot to party
with. WELL - see right there! Those common things are carried out and
controlled by our voting. Jobs= economy, benefits=health care, and even
socially activity is equal to the little laws of where bars are built,
smoking or non-smoking, and security w/liquor licenses. There's so much
behind everything we do that in order to make sure every bit of it runs
smoothly, we need to have smart people that go out and ROCK THE VOTE.

SO PLEASE - GO OUT AND VOTE!! EVERY BIT COUNTS!

go and google your county's voting info. Thanks..........

a gala apple

BERLIN (Reuters) - A 59-year-old German man who has spent the last 34 years
in jail has turned down offers to be let out, an official said Saturday.

"He rejected an offer to leave in 1992," Thomas Melzer, a spokesman for the
Brandenburg state justice ministry, told Bild newspaper. "We can't do
anything if someone sentenced to life in prison doesn't want to leave."

The man, identified only as Gerold H, was convicted of murder and sentenced
to life imprisonment in 1972 when the area was part of communist East
Germany.

German prisoners have no obligation to agree to leave jail before their
sentences have been completed.

BLOG NOTE: SO - this is pretty interesting. Any thoughts as to why he
won't come back to the outside world? Maybe he knows how f*cked up it can
be and doesn't want to deal with all the hustle and bussle of "surviving."
Maybe, like in my previous post, he's found content in staying where he is
and molding his mind to be a machine. He's probably not ready just yet and
needs a couple of more years before he can implement his plan to take over
the world. You never know what these inmates are thinking while cooped up
in the joint and all they have are these books and their minds. I'd
probably have 3 screenplays written out if I were in jail for the past 5
years. (i say only 3 cause those would only be the well-written ones as
opposed to the 20 or 30 half-written or poorly written ones that i started
along the way.) Maybe he's scared to know what's going on with the world
and his mind is too weak to conform to today's culture. It always seems to
be a shell shock even when you travel to another country. Maybe he feels
really guilty and knows that no form of punishment can truly cleanse his
sin. He's not one to committ suicide, so he waits till the lord takes him
away. Sometimes those jail birds can get freaky religious on ya.

What would you do if you've been in jail for at least 30 years and are
allowed to leave? And if you did leave, how would you get back into the
swing of things? Interesting......no?

questionnaires

what happens to a man when he seems to be content?

isn't our life long goal to actually reach a state of happiness? well -
what if our constant desire is to never be satisfied? doesn't that make us
stop what we're doing in life? in other words - if man actually did reach
a sense of satisfaction, then what the hell does he do for the rest of his
life? does he keep on doing whatever routine he's kept on doing for the
past 10 years to blind him of happiness? now don't get me wrong - if
someone tells me that he/she is completely happy and nothing is wrong with
his/her personal world, who am I to rain on anyone's parade? might as well
make the best of it and say "happy birthday" or "merry christmas" everyday!
however, our society is only recently waking up to becoming more
pro-active. there was a stink not long ago when culture was more dingy and
not caring....but it's wierd because it was cool to be like that. NOW -
its become more action packed and non-stop multi-tasking. it's cool to
have your computer and television on at the same time while texting someone
and taking notes on your blackberry as you're wearing your headset, waiting
for someone to call. what i'm afraid of is that billy joe down in
never-hear-of-it, nebraska is living his life on a farm and has found
happiness while ben chang is consistantly trying to accommodate to people's
needs whilst still searching for his own stress-free world. NOW - you tell
me though - if a man is so content in either one of those societies (fast
paced or grazin' raisin), then shouldn't he just lay on bed for the rest of
his life like an olf and die with a smile on his face?

doesn't seem likely because i believe god made us to always have a want or
a need as part of our characteristic. if that ever dies out in someone,
then that metaphor of dying out becomes literal. it's sad. we'll never
really find happiness people! things will make us happy....but to be
completely, utterly and non-needing ...well, you better wake up out of
never, neverland cause michael jackson will show you the thriller when you
least expect it.

there's your cent short of 3.

lotus notes

"that's so funny."

you ever hear someone say that without laughing? i'd like to raise my hand
and not only admit to hearing it, but also admit to demonstrating the same
gesture. sometimes you know it's funny, but it's not THAT funny that
laughter is needed, so you simply say those 3 words to parlay the thought.
it's actually a two-sided thought. 1.) depending on delivery context, it
can be somewhat condescending and sarcastic to show that something is
actually not funny at all or 2.) the joke, not being SO funny to puncture
the nerve of laughter, is still understood by the recipient to be in
humorous content and therefore gets props in this fashion for its
acknowledgement. i just wanted to bring it up to speed and let people know
that i hear what you're saying and when you tell me something is funny but
aren't laughing, it makes me ponder the thought if it's really funny or
not. i'd rather get the number 2 reason over the number 1 thought of just
saying "that's funny" because it really isn't funny and it's in everyone's
mentality to be the sarcastic son-ova-b*tch that we are. and post note
that - i am sarcastic too and yes, i too am guilty of quoting the sentence
i've begun this blog with. the end on this.

NEXT ---

"the departed" directed by martin scorsese. my name is j. reyes and i am a
marty scorsese whore. i think the man is god and even think the bad movies
have their moments of shining as well. you just have to look at it from a
different angle. anyhoo - i urge you and deeply suggest that you watch
this movie. make THIS movie stay in the top spot for longer than one month
and remind people that we still love the cinema in theaters and that dvd's
and home entertainment systems shouldn't take away our film experience.
this is by far the best movie i've seen in a theater in a LONG, LONG time
and not to be biased because i've admitted to being a scorsese fan, but to
be objective and a professional film snob - this is seriously, by far, the
best film i've seen in probably 2 years (....only talking about theater
experiences). yes - i know it's based on a hong kong film entitled
"infernal affairs" to which i've watched and say that the storyline was
quicker and shot selections were faster, but marty stretches it out more
and adds his personal twist to his version. i've watched and studied this
man direct for so long that you can tell his style. the simple side swing,
mixed with a rock song from the 70's or 80's with quick shot selections.

i WILL say this in negative light - to show that i'm still thinking outside
of the whore box - is he making cinema too easy for the younger folk with
his simple symbolism? there are a few moments that stick out which make it
too easy to be a film student. per se the guy's a rat, you say he's a rat,
and SO let's show a rat on the screen. this guy's the bad guy, he's like
the devil, SO let's make him look like a devil by using red and
demonstrating a sense of evil. what's up with that?

BUT i still loved it. 3 hours completely unwasted and no chance of sleepy
eye. nothing dragged, nothing was drawn out, and nothing was completely
over embellished. WELL....let me take that last one back. certain things
were embellished but i think in a light where it was overdone to make a
statement to the viewer. in case you know things like that or not......if
not, don't worry about it and just go about enjoying your movie experience
with your date. ANYHOO - go watch this movie NOW!

the end.

an avon calendar

last night I was tortured by my aunts to watch Dancing with the Stars. not
a fan of reality television and only watch it when being forced to by other
people in the room (...usually free food will get me in these situations),
I was mesmorized at how the format is just like American Idol but for
dancing. And this is why American Idol is one of the better reality
television shows, along with Survivor and Dancing with the Stars - because
it's really a higher scale of a game show and not more of an edited formula
to create over embellished drama. that's why i'm not a fan of real world
or big brothers....however, it can get too far when it gets too cheesy,
like the bachleor or joe schmoe, etc., etc. AND yes, those other reality
t.v. show game show type deals can get terrible too - just look at anything
on MTV. however, american idol, dancing w/the stars, and survivor....i
guess they've hit some sort of formula to know how to entice the audience
and keep them coming back for more.

ANYHOO - just watching it last night i already know who won. a.c. slater's
got it in the bag. no fair. the kid use to be on kids incorporated, which
was a song and dance show for children. and then he was on saved by the
bell doing all the dance moves and shiet. gimmie a break. he's already a
dancer by nature. the only other person i think that could beat him is
emmit smith and that's because he was one of the greatest running backs to
ever play the game. he's got the fancy footwork. my only question is -
how can you leave ali landry dude? you're a dumbass.

scorsese's new flick is based on a hong kong film. i'm watching it before
i dip into The Departed. i think i'm going to build a scorsese collection.
amazon used section is calling my name. i love it. goodfellas collector's
edition - here i come!

my birthday is on monday....old.....

orange spice tea

weather does not permit me the freedom to choose on my exercise preference.
i like to run. i started running about a year ago and can now bust out 5
miles without thinking any different about it. the only thing that stops
me from consistently maintaining that adrenaline rush is the fact that
outdoor weather is retarded. it's the extremity of hots and colds that i
know chicago to be. ever since i've moved here, this midwest machine of
wierd weather has placed a never ending question mark for anyone that's
ever asked me "how's the weather like out there?" unless i'm outside, i
recommend just going to weather.com and finding out yourself. use 60645
and you'll know what's going on.

moving right along - i FINALLY watched motorcycle diaries. i must say that
there were parts in the movie that completely invigorated me to just go
outside and drive without turning back. i'd love to explore this vast
nation i'm on and make it all that it's worth. everyone is always saying,
"i'd love to travel over seas to [insert your own european dream]."
whereas i'm on the contrary and would like to find all the little nooks and
cranies that you don't know america has to offer. i'm no patriotic son
o'va b*tch, but what i am is someone that adds more value to what it's
worth. the south, east/west, and even the midwest -- all the states
located in these geographical locations of the nation have their own
personal flavor and i'm sorry - but truthfully, being a tourist and just
looking at photographic, travel channel, commercialized memories does NOT
enculture you to know better of the people. because honestly, the PEOPLE
is what makes a town the town. there are different cultural standards and
etiquettes that you just don't know exist. i'm from rutgers university and
there's even a rutgers form of etiquette or knowledge. not everyone knows
what a fat cat is, or that rutgers played the 1st collegiate football game,
or that lauryn hill went to rutgers-newark, or that kristen davis use to
perform at the george street playhouse, or that jonald reyes learned cinema
studies there. SEE!

every place has that certain j'ou no say qua.....

i'm getting older as i type....

bukowski print out

my eyes have opened up to charles bukowski. if you don't know - i suggest
you do because i think i've found my supernova. this man will release my
weariness of a writer's block. already reading 2 excerpts online makes me
want to write for an eternity.

that's all i need to say.

my black and white mug of cafe mocha

do you think the crocodile hunter deserved it? i was watching msnbc last
night and they had a debate on the crocodile hunter getting killed. first
off, i personally don't think people deserve to die unless they have mental
issues where they've killed off heads, but sometimes you have to pay the
piper when you play with fire. SO - i can see the debate. one guy was
saying that he had it coming to him cause he provoked the stingray. the
other was sayin that he's a professional and that something got f*cked up
in the way it was done. i personally think that the crocodile hunter's got
a frickin huge set of cajones. i don't think he deserves to die and wish
he hadn't because he helped make the animal planet channel what it is
today.....but he was playing with a huge fire, so to do something as
dangerous as he was for so long....well, something was bound to happen.....

ANYHOO - i don't watch reality television cause i'm a writer at heart. at
least i try not to which is difficult in our world today cause everything
is reality television. ACTUALLY - good t.v. is back again with the one
hour drama shows (lost, 24, etc.) but the #1 show is still american idol.
so you do the math. anyway, the point is that tonight is the debut of the
new season of Survivor. my friend, jenny, from glenview, IL is part of the
Asian-American tribe. isn't that a coincident? she gets on a highly
acclaimed reality show that provoking the racial card and i'm doing a
documentary on the low impact of asian americans in mainstream culture.
HOWEVER, i don't know if i should interview her. of course she's a fine
fit to the doc, but she's also my friend and i haven't put too much air
time of any of my other friends in the movie. i don't
know....whatever....i'll figure it out later.....

right now, i'd just like to wish her luck and hope she does well. good
luck jenny! watch survivor guys and support her instead of your own race!
haha!

flag desktop

the days of chilly and nippy weather are up and about in the windy city.
summer days have already been missed as tempertures level off around the 60
degree mark. autumn returns and my allergies have made me not breathe
again. ugh....

yesterday i watched that 9/11 documentary on cbs. (no, not the harvey
keitel movie on abc.) this was completely and utterly unreal! it's the
one with the french filmmakers who were originally documenting what it was
like to be a new york firefighter and what the newbies go through. i was
explaining to my coworker of how you knew what happen "that day" and how
each part of the documentary was a jaw dropping, "oh shiet" moment. like
you were waiting for when each plane would hit. AND no matter how many
times i've seen the footage - it's always so unbelievable. always, always,
always......

so this is for nine-eleven! today is patriot's day (which makes me think
of when this exactly became a named day...???). wave a flag and have some
pride!

rubber band

i hate when i send out like 20 to 30 emails but only get a handful of
responses back or even none at all. makes me feel like the work i did
sucked nutz and it didn't mean anything at all. however, in this line of
public relations (for the documentary), it's pretty important to keep on
pushing forward and getting the word out no matter what. it's sorta like
spam mail, but it isn't cause i don't overdo it and they're all personal
emails directed to a specific person that i'm inquiring to.

i'm tired and bored.

schools starts for kids again. i've been out of the game for 5 years now
and don't feel like i'm utilizing any of it. sad really.....

avery 5262 labels

Maybe I'm the only one that really does this.....uh....nah, I'm sure other
do it too....but you ever look at documents you need to work with and kinda
just stare at it for a long ass time thinking that maybe it'll go away or
osmosis will happen whereby reading isn't required? this is something that
started in high school, developed in college, and is still a part of my
routine. sometimes i'll read parts that i've already read and say to
myself - why am i reading this again? not good. need to start digesting
words quicker.

SO - i'm currently on hiatus from my book club and have lowered my
interviewing schedule for my documentary to get back to the bare bones of
my project. The thing that makes a documentary better than just images and
embellished footage is the writing. Thus, I'm back to a rigorous writing
schedule chaulk full of inappropriate grammar and broken sentence
structure. My reasoning for bad writing is "I'm a writer!" and "I'm
allowed to do it!" Not really - but it makes me feel better to reason it
out this way.

Well - i'm off to buy new notebooks....

keep it clean!

red sharpie

this is a rant. be aware.........

when did everyone go soft? okay - so what i'm getting at with this post is
this: in the world we live in now, more people are inclined to change
their minds and more people are in the understanding that nothing is ever
definite until everyone's in agreement. And to get everyone in agreement
takes awhile or is a difficult task to accomplish.

"what are you talking about???"

no one has definite answers anymore. maybe it's me and maybe it's the
world i live in, but everyone seems to have this "second chance" to change
things around. even look at the NFL or NBA - there are always second
chances with instant replays and referee change of calls. continuing on,
guys turning metrosexual and becoming more sensitive has taken a toll on
them being more confident and stronger with their words. the word "maybe"
is probably used more in 1 week, than the words "yes" and "no" in 1 month.
i'm not kidding.

people are scared to speak their voices sometimes and this really needs to
stop. S-T-O-P!! stop it! Stop It! STOP IT!

say what you feel and do what you want!

i'm not being mean.

i look out for people more than people may tend to acknowledge. i always
try to accomodate to as many peoples' needs over my own. but you know what
the difficult part is? when people don't know what they want and what may
seem like a relaxed, laid back cat - really can be someone that doesn't
know how to speak his or her own mind. do you know this person? he or she
is the same person that says, "whatever you guys wanna do is cool with me."
and then he/she waits until something bad happens to be the first to
complain "see - i knew this was a bad idea!" WTF?? where the hell were
you when we needed a consensus??

all i'm saying is - stop waiting around on the word "might." be a strong
person and work on the word - "yes." as stupid as it sounds, but there's
this quote from harry potter 4 that fits perfectly. "you must choose
between what is right and what is easy." for the metaphoric impaired -
"what is easy" is the thing that let's you not care and let's you give up.
don't be a quitter man...

LIVE!

file folders with massive papers

this blog is for other "guys." you cannot....i repeat....can NOT....use a
guy friend as an excuse to escape from your girlfriend. it doesn't work.
i'm sorry. it may work for some guys, but really ...it doesn't work. let
me elaborate.

bob has girlfriend.

mike won tickets to tonight's ball game. he tells bob that he needs to
know "right now" if he can go with him or not because the ticket can go to
someone else.

bob likes hanging out with his girlfriend, but has never been to a ball
game. he also likes sports and would like to go to the ball game.

STOP!

route 1: if bob goes to ball game w/out telling his girlfriend (who may be
already expecting them to hang out tonight), he's walking into a trap of an
argument.

route 2: bob can decline his ticket and miss out on something fun, free,
and new. however, he will have a higher chance of having sex and hanging
out with his female best friend. to continue though - he will be
acknowledged as p*ssy whipped by his friends and grow more distant from
them.

route 3: bob can try to tell his girlfriend and butter her up for another
time to hang out. however, in the back of her mind she'll know that he
chose his friends over her (more so if she DID have plans to hang out with
him already).

route 4: completely seperate himself from both parties, thereby everyone
wondering what his deal is and why he's acting so wierd. (in essence, he's
not acting wierd but just doesn't want to deal with earlier routes
mentioned.)

route 5: insert your own route.

to continue with my initial thought, you can NOT use another guy as a
route. like so....

route 6: bob takes the ticket and uses mike as an excuse. mike talks to
bob's girlfriend and says, "it's my fault he's going. we never hang out
with him. i dragged him here with us. sorry."

that just ain't gonna cut it buddy. she'll buy it to get you out of
trouble for that night....but when you return to the nest - you're so
screwed!

now let me interject with objective thought. of course this doesn't apply
to EVERYONE, but there are justifications of truth in each route.
different situations apply differently to different people. and yes, i do
know that women can be very cool about guys hanging out with their guys on
a spontaneous notion. HOWEVER, a good majority of women (who'll deny it no
matter what) would rather have the man pick her. it's just obvious. who
wouldn't want more caring, personal attention given to them?

indulge me people....

staedtler mars plastic eraser

please let me answer for myself! have you ever encountered a mr. or mrs.
know-it-all, where they always jumped in the conversation and answered
questions that weren't directed to them? i'm perfectly amiable and accute
to answer my own questions and i will not be scared to pass on the inquiry
if I'm not suitable to drop some knowledge. HOWEVER - just gimmie the
chance to run with it for a little bit - dang!

ALSO - you know what i've taken for granted? The office supply room. I
can still remember the days when i wouldn't have a pen in high school and
hunt for one from a friend. then, if they gave me one and said, "i'm not
sure if it works" - i would do my damndest to make it work. i would roll
it in between my hands, warm it up, take it out of the pen holder, shake it
a lot, and then continuously try to write with it. FINALLY it would work
and then i would have a pen for the day. BUT now, all i do is toss it once
it runs out and grab another bic pen from my drawer. no biggie. how
terrible. in a new effort to save the children - just give up old office
supplies to kids that can't afford new school supplies. it's all for a
good cause!

and then save a tree and eat a beaver!

plum and a Fiji apple

you know what's crazy? (i feel like i always start off my blog posts with
a rhetorical question....anyhoo....) how has the acception of cursing
evolved throughout the last 5 to 10 years that the word c*nt (minus "u")
has become more derogative and sinister than the word f*ck? DON'T GET ME
WRONG - i hardly ever, EVER, use the "c" word unless i necessarily have to,
but wasn't the f bomb considered the mother of all bad ass words? when did
it evolve into becoming more socially acceptable during normal conversation
with your homeys? i know for me personally - it's become a more casual
term during my collegiate years. obviously i use my smarts to clean up
when in proper situations, but if i'm emphasizing a point or just clowning
around, the f-word rolls off my tongue like the letter "r" in mexico. let
me illustrate conversational masterpieces:

"hey mike, how's it going?"

"sh*t f*ckin sucks man. i'm having a crappy ass day."

the end. right there - i can sympathize with mike and know that he really
IS having a bad day. what if we cleaned it up?

"hey mike, how's it going?"

"Pretty bad. I'm not having a good day."

right there - speaking as a "guy" - someone cut mike's balls off and in
turn, would make me retort with a sarcastic response, like "ah...pooky
wanna snuggle?" or "buck up man. help me fill up this bong."

ALL i'm saying is that the f word has evolved into something more
acceptable than the "new f-word" - the c word.

pass it unto your friends. the end......

my jury check stub

problems, problems, problems.....

isn't it funny how sometimes we get to a decision we're not sure about at
work and sorta leave it lingering for awhile before we come to a conclusion
on it? if it's a minute problem, then we just push it to the side and let
it lay there until we have to come back to it or someone inquires of it.
that's when you actually do the, "OH, i just had it on the side cause I had
a question about it...." then you actually ask about it. However, if it's
a bigger problem that you're not sure about - you bring it up with someone
that you're closer with at work. then it turn, it can continue unto
another person. then soon enough you'll have a meeting about this problem.
THEN you'll talk up the problem with all these people in the meeting, come
up with a jillion answers or solutions that were comprised of asking other
multiple questions when the first problem arose, to it becoming a political
debate on what works and what doesn't work according to company procedures.
pretty soon the meeting is over and you know what happens in the end? the
problem is still left on the side until someone brings it up again.

action people!

however, as puffy, p. diddy, sean combs says, "mo money, mo problems....."

COME TO MY CONCERT!

contracts and file folders

Do you like what you do for a living? Does it challenge you the way you
want to be challenged? Does it truly interest you that sometimes you don't
even think it's work?

For me - my job is 'okay.' It's still a general job type and isn't
terrible. I work with great people - people that dig what they're doing.
I'm free to work w/out supervision as I'm pretty sufficient in what I do.
However, do I like it? "Hate" is such a strong word, but let's just say
that it's not what I wish to be doing for the rest of my life. I studied
films in college and have been writing my own scripts and screenplays for
over 5 years....but nothing has surmounted from it. And now I'm doing this
documentary. It's my escape from my everyday, monotonous routine at my
daily job. it keeps me on my toes and greatly interests me. However, it
doesn't pay the bills like my day job does. So - I need to start from the
bottom and work hard at it. But I still need to do my day job along the
way.

Have you ever started a job? It's hard to preach an "idea" to people and
get them interested in helping you out. And what's the worst part about it
all is that the part that I'm the weakest in that needs to be the strongest
is FINANCE. You need money to make money. It's sadly that simple and
true.

Making this movie, presenting this concert with just the aid of myself and
2 or 3 people is VERY difficult. I'm sorta surprised I haven't broken down
yet, but maybe it's because I'm confronted that fear from past experiences.
I'm very confident on what I can accomplish and know that I can make both
projects a huge success. What sucks is money! Money has always been the
devil to me and will always be the deciding factor on helping or hurting
me. Right now, it's hurting me.

So when I go out to look for donations or sponsorships, unlike a bumb or a
homeless guy, you DO know where you're money is going. And hearing "I'll
help you out later on" isn't helping me right now. Right now, I wish I had
an extra $500 bucks of a cushion to have better marketing and free stuff
for people to volunteer. But I don't. And this is how dreams die.

I've always been optomistic with society and the aid of friends. I believe
in good karma and think that when I help anyone in the world with anything,
it should come back to me in some other fashion. I don't drag people down
with my own problems and I carry as much or even more weight than the next
guy. But right now, I do have to admit that these projects are hurting me.
Hurting me so much that the overwhelming stress makes me grumpy and unfun
to be with. These aren't traits that I like to embellish, but everyone has
a dark side that they're hiding.

HOWEVER - I'm not a quitter and I'm not a afraid of what's in my way. I
take advantage of this blog to release myself from struggles that I face.
Hopefully y'all will learn from something I share. Otherwise - if you're
in Illinois - GO TO THE SHOW!!

later.