rubber band

i've become what i hoped wouldn't happen. i am now pigeonholed into always
documenting things. this past weekend, i went out to have a good time -
have some drinks, get my buzz on, watch people pass by and enjoy the
nightlife. i brought my digital camera with me because it was my friend's
birthday. i mean - she took pictures at my birthday, so i sorta felt
obliged to help commemorate her own drunken times. however, everytime i
took a picture, people would say, "it's for the documentary! look out!" or
"is this gonna be in your film? asians having a good time...." or "i'm not
signing a release form..."

now i know what you're saying - "you got yourself into this." and i'm
fully aware of what i've done and how it may altar my future lifestyle.
however, gimmie a break people - it's like me always saying the same joke
to you over and over again. it gets old and annoying after awhile. don't
you think? and also, before i did any of this, everything seemed to be
"normal." now what? i start working on any sort of film and this is what
i have to look forward to??

WELL - i'll take it AND a bag of chips!

it makes life interesting and sure - i get heated or i get riled up. but
it shows to myself how close this project is to my heart. how many people
are really passionate about something that had to grow unto them?? in my
age range and in my radius of friends - not many. a good amount of people
just keep doing their jobs, wishing they could do something cooler. well -
i took it by the bull horns and am making a frickin movie! this is what i
want to do and now i'm doing it. no matter how i'm going about it. i'm
doing it.

just let me be able to blog and release in some form. it's not complaining
- it's telling an upsetting story to the masses about my life. bla bla
bla....words, words, words. that's all this really is. isn't it??