it's gettin betta all the time!!

this is something that i didn't understand till later on in life. i was
part of a fraternity and when i was an undergrad whenever I met alumni, i
did my best to make them my friend. i wanted there to be a sense of truth
behind the word "brotherhood" and i really did make an effort to get to
know this dude that i'm associated with through an organization. however,
the alumnus that i was trying to get to know always seemed too busy and it
was always difficult for him to come around. now - definitely
understandable that there are "real world, out of college" things going on
and then there are "college, i'm getting wasted tonight" things going on -
so those are the different spectrums on the board. but i never understood
why they couldn't do little things every now and then - maybe stop by 2
times a month or give a call to an undergrad to see how things are going.
HOWEVER, now that i'm an adult (or pretend to be), i can see how it gets
difficult to do those little things. here i am, trying to balance these
things on a normal basis: a 40 hour per week job, a total commute time of
2 hours a day, keeping in shape by running at least 2 or 3 times a week
(which is approx. 2 hours a gym visit), my documentary filmmaking career is
another job within itself (i email, do massive research, film gigs, write a
crap load of stuff up, read, read, and read; do marketing, networking, and
trying to make contacts anywhere i can), and to add to this whole shabang,
i need to make room for my girlfriend. Whew - try saying this whole list
under one minute. that's how i feel most of the time.

to add on to the beginning of my topic, i can see how i couldn't or maybe
might not even want to try to relate to some 18 year old kid who's worried
about how to grow funds for rush. BUT for my AKL homies - i feel your pain
brothas. you young ones - just keep on keeping on cause even though that
old alumnus f*cker won't hear me out, just keep doin your own shiet cause
in your world, grabbing your balls and doing stuff is the best example you
can set for everyone else. that's what i did and by learning my place in
the organization, things ran well for me.

NOW, up to date and in relation to today - i may be slacking in the
friendship department. it's hard. it really is. i wish i could keep up
with friends at all times and make sure everyone is always okay. but i
don't have enough time during my days. i don't have time for me sometimes
and when i push myself further to be a better person by helping others - i
really do forget to help myself. it could sound stupid but if you know me,
you could probably see me doing this. i really do try to accommodate to
everyone as much as possible and sometimes i become a d*ck because i need
to have everyone feel alright.

alright...i don't feel like writing this anymore. this is complaining that
i wouldn't want to hear from anyone...so, why should i do this to ya'll,
when i don't even wanna hear it. werd.....