i'm an unstoppable force that will succeed in all i do. you can't stop me because i am full of confidence that you dream of. you only want to be like me and when you finally surmount all the strength you have to equal me now, i have already passed you in the future. i could care less of what anyone else thinks about my actions, as they shouldn't care as to my opinion of their own. everything in my life begins when i say it does and it stops when i want it to. no one else controls my faith except for my mind, heart, and body. i make dreams come true and make nightmares into after school specials. taking a walk through my mind is like riding a roller coaster through a tripped out land with clowns under dark clouds. seeing through my eyes is like viewing through a magnifying glass that displays subtitles under all surroundings and beings. i've beaten the war of self and bring determination to the table.
i don't believe in them, i don't believe in you, i don't believe in the beatles, i just believe in me.
29.7.09
Chicago is a Fatty Mecca - No Way!
[DISCLAIMER: The pseudo articles written on this blog-ulation are inherently made-up and suited to feed into the comedic dome of your noggin. Either you think it's funny or it's not but whichever way your cookie crumbles, just remember most of my facts are made-up. Werd.]
Fatty McFatty's Foody List of Fatty Cities has confirmed that Chicago, IL is the mecca of obesity in America. After more studies from scientists with expensive degrees have verified, Chicago habitually takes already concocted foods and adds more calories, fat, and bad things to it. Example 1 is the drunken food favorite - pizza. Whereas the thinly crusted east coast delicacy was formulated and made into an easy, walk-as-you-eat dynamo, the Windy City took it one notch up and made it chunky. Now, Chicago-style pizza is about 10 layers of a thin crust pizza with more bread, cheese, and inside goodness. Instead of downing 2 to 3 slices of thin crust, a person just needs one slice of deep dish pizza to fall into comatose status. Example 2 is the ball park signature must have - the hot dog. When at one time, a man named Mr. Nathan created the solid style of the basic wiener and bun and even created a contest to see how many people can down it in 12 minutes, Chicago (again) takes it a notch up and inserts a sandwich spread on top of it. The big no no for Chicago-style hot dogs is the addition of ketchup. In a sarcastic tone of false fact, a Chicagoan stated, "No ketchup helps keep off that 2 to 3 calories that we just don't need." What he/she failed to acknowledge was that most ketchups have at least 20 calories to it. However, we will note that the Chicago-style hot dog does involve the most vegetable collection compared to most other bar foods. Imagine that....more than onion rings.
Please stay tuned for our next opinionated article when we focus on Fatty McFatty's Foody List of What Else Can We Deep Fry??
Alan Thicke is Nostradamus
For years now, NATO has been in a grudge match against the Taliban in Afghanistan. Since before the inception of our new Commander-In-Chief, troops have been continuing this battle to overthrow their evil regime and wicked ways. A statement of political and religious viewpoints turn black and white lines grey into moralistic values on how a society should be.
Years ago, on November 3rd of 1978, the US NBC network introduced this travesty of a story regarding 2 orphaned African-American boys left by their mother to a wealthy, single Caucasian man. Confusion and grudge put the two young gentlemen into a battle, not only internally but externally against this lavish lifestyle that no doubt questioned their street cred. Sometimes, the only person they could go to was a red-headed housekeeper who knew how to "keep it real." They called this Different Strokes.
The following year, on August 24th of 1979, the US NBC network introduced another heart aching issue that spoke of over privileged young women left to lead a life of their own. With parents who were either too busy, too rich, or not caring, these young girls were placed in a boarding school to go through pubescent years only to seek guidance in this same red-headed housekeeper. This was named the Facts of Life.
Who knew then that the wisdom of acknowledging that the world doesn't move to the beat of just one drum, but to a bunch of nations would be important words needed today. How also did we know that by taking the good and the bad together, as one, we'd have the facts of life. The facts of life?!?! There was only one man behind the strength of this knowledge back then and HE IS ALAN THICKE.
Alan Thicke was a seer of future issues metaphorically contrived in his brain as situational comedies. As the author of these theme songs, he wrote down lyrics of what came to him naturally and to the optimism of continuing to dream and shine. There are many dark days that arrive from clouds of explosion in Afghanistan, but to those people, no matter what they got, maybe not a lot, they just gotta say, "So what?" They'll have theirs, we'll have ours, and even me personally, will have mine. And together, all of this - this good vs. bad, religious viewpoints, and political standstills - we'll be fine!
And lastly, as our own troops may think that the world isn't living up to their dreams, they can learn that this whole thing is just the facts of life. The facts of NATO, the facts of Bush, and the facts of Barack. It takes a lot to get it right, when you're learning the facts of strife. The facts of strife. Learning the facts of strife.
This blog is for you Jason Sever. I knew you were the true seer....
Years ago, on November 3rd of 1978, the US NBC network introduced this travesty of a story regarding 2 orphaned African-American boys left by their mother to a wealthy, single Caucasian man. Confusion and grudge put the two young gentlemen into a battle, not only internally but externally against this lavish lifestyle that no doubt questioned their street cred. Sometimes, the only person they could go to was a red-headed housekeeper who knew how to "keep it real." They called this Different Strokes.
The following year, on August 24th of 1979, the US NBC network introduced another heart aching issue that spoke of over privileged young women left to lead a life of their own. With parents who were either too busy, too rich, or not caring, these young girls were placed in a boarding school to go through pubescent years only to seek guidance in this same red-headed housekeeper. This was named the Facts of Life.
Who knew then that the wisdom of acknowledging that the world doesn't move to the beat of just one drum, but to a bunch of nations would be important words needed today. How also did we know that by taking the good and the bad together, as one, we'd have the facts of life. The facts of life?!?! There was only one man behind the strength of this knowledge back then and HE IS ALAN THICKE.
Alan Thicke was a seer of future issues metaphorically contrived in his brain as situational comedies. As the author of these theme songs, he wrote down lyrics of what came to him naturally and to the optimism of continuing to dream and shine. There are many dark days that arrive from clouds of explosion in Afghanistan, but to those people, no matter what they got, maybe not a lot, they just gotta say, "So what?" They'll have theirs, we'll have ours, and even me personally, will have mine. And together, all of this - this good vs. bad, religious viewpoints, and political standstills - we'll be fine!
And lastly, as our own troops may think that the world isn't living up to their dreams, they can learn that this whole thing is just the facts of life. The facts of NATO, the facts of Bush, and the facts of Barack. It takes a lot to get it right, when you're learning the facts of strife. The facts of strife. Learning the facts of strife.
This blog is for you Jason Sever. I knew you were the true seer....
22.6.09
mind vomit
I'm sick of sitting here and wishing that I were paid to come up with jokes. I'm reading for the ba-jillionth time John Vorhaus's The Comic Toolbox. There's a chapter in there that says something to the matter that we need to set-up these mini-celebrations in order to succeed. In other words, the only way to accomplish a screenplay, sketch, or even a joke is to at least get one word down on paper. It just has to start. Editing and cleaning it up or making it funnier can all come later. Right now, it's a matter of doing instead of waiting, wishing, or thinking.
My problem isn't this. I do this all the time in the form of freewrite, blogging, emailing to myself, and yes, chipping away at my screenwriting and sketch comedy. What my problem is, is time! I feel like I never have time and when I do have time, there's always something else that is priority. Like family obligations, girlfriend obligations, or "inspiration" obligations (these are things that I should do in order to get inspired to write, i.e. go to the movies, watch a play, or act crazy around friends). With my dayjob, time to eat, time to sleep, and just time to be in silence for at least a half hour in order to keep my sanity - I have no time to fine tune what I've written.
And now that I'm writing this, I realize that really this is my complaining about not finishing something. Instead of starting something new, how come I'm not going back to the same thing? How come I'm not chipping away at the screenplay or sketch comedy till it's done? My other problem is that I'm an idea freak of nature. I sit and observe, then something happens when I start churning these thoughts into an idea. The idea isn't fully developed, but it's a step in the right direction. It has good premise, good promise, and good intentions in being something great.
Yet again - as I'm writing this, I'm realizing...why the hell aren't you finishing that thought up?! OR even further more - the time you took to write this, why didn't you just go back to something you've already written and made it better??
You know what - I'm just insane and need my mind to vomit out this jargon before I get my shiet straight. Is it nap time yet?
19.6.09
leaving 2 hours earlier
what is with the last two hours of work that kills me?! especially on Friday, especially when it's nice outside, especially when i just want to leave so badly! let's play with this, shall we? let's say i did leave early - what would i do? probably take the train home, text my girlfriend and rub in the fact that i've left early, then when i get to my train station begin to walk home. i'd probably stop at the grocery store to pick up something that we could eat for dinner and probably a bottle of vino. on the way home, i'd probably get harassed by a bunch of kids who are now out of school and have nothing better to do than to loiter waiting for good working pedestrians to be loud around. i'd get annoyed in trying to ignore them and finally get inside the house. by the weather today, it's probably really humid inside the house and i'd open up the window for some fresh air. we have new neighbors that are right across from our kitchen window. i don't think they work, so they'd probably be loud and make it uncomfortable for me to just relax and watch t.v. i'd go into our computer room, after pouring a glass of wine, and start doing my usual facebook and email shinanigans. however, since my "second" job is media oriented, i'd probably start getting into doing a little bit of work by updating websites and trying to write. most likely, i'll re-read what i've written, hate the way it sounds, hit delete or not save it. then 10 minutes later after surfing on the web, will finally think of a new way to make that thing i've written sound better to only realize that i'd have to start all over again. in pissy mood now, i think this would finally fill the extra 2 hours that i would have partaken if i were to leave right now. i guess lounging around work and writing on my blog is sufficient enough instead. i guess....
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